Jay Evensen
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On Second Thought for March 2, 2020

2/28/2020

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A lighthearted look at the news of the day:

We should have more sympathy for political candidates. After all, they’re trying to influence democracy in a country where 38% of beer drinkers say they no longer will drink Corona for fear of contracting the virus.
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Somewhere deep inside Russia, people in charge of hacking U.S. elections are leaning back in their chairs and smiling. “Dis eez too easy!”
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Researchers didn’t take the next step and ask these people if they also intend to beef up their computer’s virus protection systems, just in case.
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Toyota is no doubt happy it decided to discontinue making its Corona car model years ago.
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After last week, Disneyland should open a new ride, consisting entirely of inviting investors into a room and showing them stock market tickers.
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The new ride could replace the “primary tower of terror,” in which voters enter a room and are forced to watch Democratic candidates debate.
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I think I figured out why they call tomorrow Super Tuesday. It’s because that’s the last day we will see annoying political commercials for a while.
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Researchers say 41% of Americans are obese. For the rest of you, there is still hope. McDonald’s is giving away free egg mcmuffins today! 
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Yes, McDonald’s has declared March 2nd to be National Egg McMuffin Day. Fly the flag! Finally, we have something to keep us fed between Super Bowl Sunday and Cinco de Mayo.
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It’s been five years now since car manufacturers predicted we would have completely self-driving cars by 2020. I’m not sure where this is progress or not, but we seem to be doing a smashing job of developing self-crashing cars.
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Last week, in a case out of California involving self-driving technology and a fatal crash, officials criticized the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration for being too hands-off on regulating automated-vehicle technology. See what they did there?
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Utah lawmakers passed a bill last week that might one day put the state on permanent daylight saving time. At least the people we elected last fall are shedding light on something.
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On Second Thought for Feb. 24, 2020

2/21/2020

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A lighthearted look at the news of the day:

What do Mike Bloomberg and an NFL linebacker have in common? Both have been known to spend an entire evening playing defense, getting beaten and bruised, but only one had to pay millions for the privilege.
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Shortly after Mike Bloomberg’s less-than-convincing debut as a debater last week, his Twitter account posted a doctored video showing what appeared to be an awkward pause after Bloomberg asks whether he’s the only one on the stage who has started a business. I’m not sure who edited the video. Maybe that person has since signed a non-disclosure agreement.
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President Trump called Bloomberg a “mass of dead energy.” For once, that was mild compared to what fellow Democrats said about Bloomberg onstage.
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Bloomberg said he can’t use Turbotax because his returns are several thousand pages long. That was designed to appeal to the common person, endearing him to average people who also can’t afford the Turbotax deluxe edition.
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Former Massachusetts Gov. William Weld was in Utah last week, promoting his campaign to defeat President Trump in a GOP primary. Polls show he’s going viral. That means you can view his numbers only through a microscope. 
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If this doesn’t work out, Weld could try selling rain boots in Death Valley.
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Meanwhile, it’s unclear whether Vladimir Putin is going to get that absentee ballot he requested before November.
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Putin is like the stereotypical irritating little brother. He gets to have fun trying to ruin U.S. elections, knowing that U.S. intelligence officials who tell on him will be the ones who get spanked.
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Meanwhile, Americans who are sick of all the hatred and anger of politics can take solace in knowing the baseball season will soon start. Politics, as the saying goes, “ain’t beanbag.” But baseball, especially when the Astros are at bat, may be all bean ball.
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On Second Thought for Feb. 17, 2020

2/14/2020

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A lighthearted look at the news of the day:

After watching a lot of television last week, I can’t decide which I would rather do — buy insurance from a guy who looks like pinocchio, show the Houston Astros a sign of my displeasure or vote for Mike Bloomberg.
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Mike Bloomberg has become a fixture on television in Super Tuesday states, hoping to portray himself as a man of the people. If elected, he said, he would never tweet. We don’t care about that. Just make the commercials stop.
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Bloomerg’s net worth has been estimated at $58 billion. He once signed a “giving pledge,” promising to give away half his fortune. Since then, he has given away $8 billion. Sounds like he has the math skills for the White House, anyway.
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Attorney General William Barr complained last week that President Trump’s tweets were making it impossible for him to do his job. Welcome to the world the rest of us have been living in for three years.
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If Abraham Lincoln had tweeted this much in his day, the Union Army would have been paralyzed by generals constantly looking up at birds.
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President Trump’s Executive Director of the U.S. Interagency Council on Homelessness was in town last week, telling Utahns they need a homeless Czar. This is not to be confused with the Democrats’ wish for a homeless president.
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After surviving an impeachment trial, President Trump now says he may end the long practice of allowing others in the administration to listen to his phone calls with foreign leaders. I think the American people are ready to make a deal. We’ll let the president keep his calls private if the NSA will stop listening to our phone calls.
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Utah lawmakers are considering a bill that would let people voluntarily put themselves on a list prohibiting stores from selling them a gun. This is a great idea. They should follow up with a bill letting burglars volunteer for a list that keeps them from buying black clothing, and overweight people could sign a list prohibiting stores from selling them Cheetos and Big Gulps.
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Meanwhile, there’s no truth to the rumor that Hollywood is working on a new baseball movie called, “Bang the trash can quickly,” or that Astros’ owner Jim Crane now has to read an awkwardly worded “excuse me” every time he sneezes.​

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On Second Thought for Feb. 10, 2020

2/7/2020

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A lighthearted look at the news of the day:

The Iowa General Assembly is in session, but apparently lawmakers there forgot to repeal Murphy’s law. Or, as they now say in election management circles, who needs Russian hackers when you’ve got the new Iowa caucus app?
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Actually, the Iowa model may be the nation’s best defense against election interference. Make things so confusing the bad guys will never figure it out. The only downside is we may never know who wins.
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If Donald Trump and Mitt Romney have anything in common, it is that both of them hope to be remembered as having unimpeachable character.
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What’s the difference between the impeachment trial and an NBA game between the Milwaukee Bucks and the Cleveland Cavaliers? Both have predictable outcomes, but only one will invite witnesses.
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Meanwhile, it may safely be said that, contrary to what she may have said, it’s not true House Speaker Nancy Pelosi didn’t give a rip about the president’s state of the union address.
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Utah’s David Neeleman wants to start another new airline. This one, called Breeze, promises to be more customer-friendly than airlines currently operating. I think most travelers today would settle for  attendants who at least smile when they drag you kicking and screaming from a flight because they need to make room for airline employees.
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Neeleman wants to follow the pattern set by rideshare companies like Uber and Lyft. Passengers would use an app to buy tickets, rent cars and reserve hotel rooms. Wake me when I can summon a plane to my front door.
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If it really was like ridesharing, I’d be able to sit in the cockpit and rate the pilot on how chatty he or she was.
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Utah lawmakers are considering a bill that would do away with straight-ticket voting in elections. Wait, is there more than one party in Utah?
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Has anyone checked how the new worldwide epidemic out of China is affecting sales of the Toyota Corona? Would it be ironic if ads for the car went viral?

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