Jay Evensen
  • Front Page
  • Opinions
  • Second Thoughts
  • Portfolio
  • Awards
  • About

On Second Thought for Feb. 25, 2013

2/22/2013

0 Comments

 
   On Second Thought is a weekly feature that takes a lighthearted look at current events.
  • Anxious to show Utahns that gun owners aren’t scary, a bunch of them showed up to a legislative committee hearing last week carrying huge rifles and menacing sneers.
  • Hey, if you can’t afford a lobbyist, bring an assault rifle, I always say.
  • The good news is Salt Lake City got a lucrative offer last week from a group that wanted to pay $1.35 million to buy naming rights to the Sugar House neighborhood. The bad news is the group was Sugardaddie.com, which sets up dates between rich old men and attractive young women.
  • Actually, the offer wasn’t such an honor. The site’s owners already had been rejected by Sugar Land, Texas and have looked at Sugar City, Colo., and Sugar Creek, Mo., as well. Given the dangers of online dating, they might want to approach Truth or Consequences, N.M.
  • True fact: Truth or Consequences changed its name from Hot Springs more than 60 years ago just so the game show by that name would come there once a year. Imagine what the city would do for $1.35 million.
  • Actually, changing the name back to Hot Springs might be more appropriate for Sugardaddie.com
  • The U.S. Postal Service has come up with a new strategy for saving itself from insolvency: sue Lance Armstrong.
  • Also, the Postal Service has announced a new line of men’s clothing called, “Rain, heat & snow.” I’m envisioning something that looks like a barrel, which is about all the service can afford.
  • Meanwhile, Congress and the president seem content to let those once unthinkable automatic spending cuts take effect on Friday. Republicans and Democrats each hope the other side blinks first. It’s a risky strategy. What if people decide they like a smaller government?
  • Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood said the automatic spending cuts would cripple the nation’s air traffic system. In other words, it may take your luggage a few extra days to get to the wrong destination.
  • The Chinese military made a huge blunder by successfully thwarting security systems and hacking into computers of companies related to the U.S. defense industry. That kind of success means the Chinese soon will have to compete with Silicon Valley recruiters to retain their talent.
0 Comments

On Second Thought for Feb. 18, 2013

2/19/2013

0 Comments

 
"On Second Thought" is a weekly series of brief and lighthearted observations of current events.

  • The National Parks Service is considering adding wireless access to national parks. In other words, the buffalo may still roam, but they will incur roaming charges.
  • When Jack London wrote "Call of the Wild," he probably wasn't thinking about a ring tone going off in the pocket of one of Buck's owners.
  • Rumor has it that Apple is working on a smart watch. With a smart phone, a smart watch and an iPad, it's no wonder America's collective IQ is dropping. Who needs a brain?
  • President Obama delivered his State of the Union speech last week. He said we don't need a bigger government, we need a smarter government. OK, so when is Apple going to come up with one of those?
  • Obama told Congress he wants to dramatically increase wind power. Well, he was talking to the right group.
  • The president outlined a bunch of new initiatives, then said they wouldn't cost anything. If the government needs more money, it will simply print some.
  • The president issued a challenge to America's homes to cut their energy waste by half. Americans watching on their recliners, with remote in hand and microwaved dinner within reaching distance, thought they already were using as little energy as possible.
  • Obama said, "You know, in many places, people live on little more than a dollar a day." Translation: We can raise taxes a lot higher and you folks could still get by.
0 Comments

On Second Thought for Feb. 11, 2013

2/8/2013

0 Comments

 
"On Second Thought" is a weekly series of brief and lighthearted observations of current events.

Note to Super Bowl organizers: If you invite Beyonce and friends again, make sure they don’t try to plug in more than one blow drier after their half-time performance. It always trips a fuse.
❑ ❑ ❑
Having the lights go out during the Super Bowl was a bit disconcerting. It was amusing, however, to watch San Francisco coach Jim Harbaugh argue when the scoreboard came back on that, as he remembered it, his team was ahead.
❑ ❑ ❑
Officials said an electrical relay failed. It was put in place to keep the power going in case of a failure on a cable coming into the stadium. No word yet on whether the man in charge was named Murphy Law.
❑ ❑ ❑
You just know some macho player on the field was yelling, “See? When I tackle you, it’s lights out!”
❑ ❑ ❑
The U.S. Postal Service announced this week it is suspending Saturday delivery in order to cut costs. Millions of young people paused while texting on their phones to ask, “What’s the postal service?”
❑ ❑ ❑
You have to hand it to the Postmaster General, however. So far he’s the only person in Washington who actually has cut something to save money.
❑ ❑ ❑
Remember when the only time you would associate the word “drone” with a president was in reference to how he delivered a speech?
❑ ❑ ❑
President Obama has laid out the legal case for him ordering the assassinations of U.S. citizens using drones. And to think, Nixon got in trouble just for ordering IRS investigations.
❑ ❑ ❑
The history of technology tells us drones are going to improve and get smaller over time. Some day you’ll be wondering why that pesky fly at your picnic has a blinking red light.

0 Comments

On Second Thought for Feb. 4, 2013

2/1/2013

0 Comments

 
"On Second Thought" is a weekly series of brief and lighthearted observations of current events.

I wouldn’t say Republicans are going overboard to woo Hispanic voters who fled the party in 2012, but look for them soon to propose making Spanish the official language.
❑ ❑ ❑
Republican leaders are rallying behind the need for immigration reforms that provide pathways to citizenship. This is what happens when a party wants to avoid its own pathway to oblivion.
❑ ❑ ❑
In addition to receiving a compromise on immigration, Hispanics who register as Republicans before the end of the month will qualify for a chance to win a set of lovely but obsolete tea party cups.
❑ ❑ ❑
Some Republicans say this rush to immigration reform is a bad idea that adds up to amnesty. Party leaders believe these folks are entitled to voice their opinions, so long as they speak in whispers and close the blinds first.
❑ ❑ ❑
The Utah Legislature, meanwhile, isn’t worrying about immigration this year. That’s because House Speaker Becky Lockhart is too busy trying to get the governor to veto the foolish bills she sends him.
❑ ❑ ❑
Lockhart actually chastised Gov. Gary Herbert last week for not vetoing more bills. That’s sort of like a boxer complaining that he isn’t getting hit in the head enough.
❑ ❑ ❑
Meanwhile, the nation’s economy apparently forgot to get a flu shot last year.
❑ ❑ ❑
The economy contracted in the last quarter of 2012, shocking people who took campaign rhetoric seriously.
❑ ❑ ❑
The Federal Reserve issued a statement saying the economy appears to have “paused in recent months.” Kind of like how the Kansas City Chiefs paused for the most recent NFL season.
❑ ❑ ❑
The Salt Lake metro area earned a rare trifecta last month. It was ranked as the best place to do business, one of the happiest places in which to work and the worst place to breathe.
❑ ❑ ❑
Proposed new sign at the state border: Welcome to Utah! Breathtaking scenery.
❑ ❑ ❑
American politicians may soon launch a fact-finding trip to China, trying to learn how hackers there were able to do what they have always wanted to do — successfully spy on U.S. media outlets.
❑ ❑ ❑
Both the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal reported last week that their computers had been hacked by Chinese interests. Other media outlets were checking their systems. It’s not as sinister as it sounds. The Chinese were just trying to get a jump on some good coupons.
❑ ❑ ❑
In order to make Beyonce feel at home during the Super Bowl halftime show, the NFL may want to suggest quarterbacks lip-sync their signal calling on Sunday.
❑ ❑ ❑
Television stations, meanwhile, don’t care whether the halftime music is live, just that Beyonce’s wardrobe doesn't malfunction.
❑ ❑ ❑
Chuck Hagel’s appointment as defense secretary is set to sail through the Senate. He faces only two obstacles — Republicans and Democrats.
Jay Evensen is the associate editor of the Deseret News editorial page. Follow him on Twitter @jayevensen.

0 Comments

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    RSS Feed

    Ha! Ha! Ha!

    Everyone likes to laugh. Some of us even like to groan occasionally. Well, you've come to the right place. "On second thought" is a weekly feature I  produce for the Deseret News, available on Mondays. But here you can read them as I think of them.
      Oh yes, and if you've got something even funnier, post it in the comments. If I like it, I may use it.

    Archives

    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    March 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012

    Categories

    All
    Anthony Weiner
    Barack Obama
    Bcs
    Belarus
    Congress
    Donald Trump
    Fast And Furious
    Mitt Romney
    Nasa
    North Korea
    North Korea
    Olympics
    Politics
    Ron Paul
    Tea Party
    Utah
    Utah Legislature
    Venus


Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Photos from Gwydion M. Williams, PetroleumJelliffe, mike.benedetti, ScrippsBee, Images_of_Money