Jay Evensen
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On Second Thought for Dec. 15, 2014

12/15/2014

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A lighthearted look at news of the day:

Senate Democrats released a report this week on the CIA’s torture of terrorist suspects during the Bush administration. The Senate can be so one-sided, condemning one form of torture while completely ignoring all the Americans who had to sit through months of political ads this year.

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Former Vice President Dick Cheney defended the CIA’s interrogation techniques, saying they wouldn’t have gotten any information out of terrorists by coddling them. But then Cheney, who shot a hunting buddy while in office, may not be an authority on coddling.

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President Obama responded to the torture report by saying it shows Americans are open and transparent enough to “face our imperfections, make changes, and do better.” Ironically, those were the exact words voters used as they explained electing Republicans in November.

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Time Magazine has named Ebola health workers as its people of the year. The winners thanked the magazine, but said they still can’t get invited to any parties.

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It isn’t often Time officials have to deliver the annual award wearing hazmat suits.

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Ironically, the magazine’s decision to honor Ebola fighters immediately went viral.

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Give Utah’s Prison Relocation Commission credit. No other group could so quickly and efficiently identify places in the state that definitely do not want to be home to a prison.

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The Prison Relocation Commission identified six possible sites for moving the current prison site in Draper. People near all six sites immediately reacted with T-shirts and protest signs. I think we’ve finally found an antidote for voter apathy.

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Prince William and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, were in the United States last week. They attended a Cleveland Cavaliers game because someone suggested they seek an audience with King James.

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The NBA game wasn’t completely out of character for a royal couple. After all, their tickets came with free hotdogs and a king-sized popcorn.

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Salt Lake police have succeeded in recovering a gun that was stolen from a pickup truck in 1977. They also found the disco craze, which hasn’t been seen since about that time, either. Unfortunately, no one wanted to claim it.

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Babycenter.com has released its list of the most popular baby names for the year. It seems traditional Christmas names, such as Mary and Joseph, are disappearing. My guess is they’re being replaced by more modern holiday names, such as Gimme and Iwantit.

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On Second Thought for Dec. 8, 2014

12/8/2014

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By Jay Evensen

Deseret News

A lighthearted look at news of the day:

As part of the international campaign against the terrorist group known as ISIS, Iran recently launched a bombing raid against ISIS within Iraq. Or as an ancient proverb says, “The enemy of my enemy gives me an excuse to bomb the heck out of my enemy … and my enemy.”

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The state of Utah is proposing a new clean-air rule. Basically, if your house catches fire any time between November and March, you could be cited for illegally burning wood.

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The state’s plan is to outlaw all wood burning during the winter. Not to worry; I’m sure restaurants that have to begin offering salmon smoked with buffalo chips will still be popular.

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Smoke from burning wood is toxic. So is freezing to death. What a tough choice our ancestors must have had.

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The Utah Prison Relocation Commission is zeroing in on a spot where no local residents will object to having a prison next door. Unfortunately, however, the state can only store prisoners on the top of King’s Peak in the winter, and they won’t be able to burn wood to keep warm.

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The Utah Republican Party is suing to stop the implementation of a new law that would change how parties select candidates. The party wouldn’t have to resort to such drastic action if only it wielded real political power in this state.

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The political action committee called “Ready for Hillary” is selling Hillary Clinton Christmas ornaments. Think of them as conversation starters for when the family comes for the holidays.

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The PAC also sells Hillary onesies, or as they will be known in some quarters, “A gift that guarantees you’ll never be asked to babysit.”

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I’ve got to hand it to these folks, they know how to carve out a niche. Chris Christie onesies, however, would be real traffic-stoppers.

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Toddler-wear is about right for the way most politicians behave these days.

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Jeb Bush recently told the Wall Street Journal that if he runs for president, he won’t pander to the right wing in order to get the Republican nomination. Heartbroken right-wingers responded by saying, “OK.” 

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    Everyone likes to laugh. Some of us even like to groan occasionally. Well, you've come to the right place. "On second thought" is a weekly feature I  produce for the Deseret News, available on Mondays. But here you can read them as I think of them.
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