A lighthearted look at news of the day:

A guy tried to drive his truck up the steps of the Utah Capitol Building last week, allegedly in order to make a point about the need to legalize marijuana. I think he hoped to demonstrate that the drug is safe and doesn’t impair your judgment.
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Neighbors said the man arrested in connection with driving up the capitol steps seemed like a nice, quiet neighbor, other than the truckloads of cookies and other munchies he regularly had delivered to his house.
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German Chancellor Angela Merkel apparently first knew something was up when, at the last meeting of the G20, Barack Obama ordered pizza and charged it to her cell phone.
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Merkel has accused the Obama administration and the National Security Administration of tapping her cell phone. Actually, the president just wanted to see if he was one of her Five Faves.
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Brazil’s President Dilma Rousseff, meanwhile, reportedly became incensed when she learned her identity was stolen by a young female NSA employee in Hawaii with a yen for Birkenstocks.
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Merkel and Rousseff wanted to take their grievances of U.S. spying to the United Nations, but for some reason their phones no longer will connect to the U.N. switchboard.
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Meanwhile, North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un and Iran’s President Hassan Rouhani remain untouchable because they still use rotary phones.
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The software engineers who worked on the Obamacare website were summoned to Congress last week. They said they were trying to determine why the website wasn’t working, but that they were still on hold with the tech support call center in Mumbai.
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How plausible is it that the Obama administration can tap the phones of 35 world leaders and yet can’t design a simple web site that works?
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OK, show of hands, how many of you thought there was a Boy Scout merit badge for rock tumbling in a state park?
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Now-former scout leaders David Hall and Glenn Taylor have learned that going viral on YouTube is not necessarily always a good thing, no matter how much of a “rock star” you may become.

A lighthearted look at current events:
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The government shutdown was a huge success that could be summarized by the following, stirring rallying cry:
“What do we want?”
“New budget negotiations and a three-month continuing resolution!”
“When do we want it?”
“Any time before the debt ceiling deadline would be fine!”
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Never have so many been inconvenienced by so few for so little.
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Maybe the tea party would have had more success overturning Obamacare if the program had gotten off to a disastrous start … oh wait.
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The administration may want to drum up enthusiasm for Obamacare. For instance, perhaps it could give a gift to the first person who successfully signs up.
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The debt ceiling deadline turned out to be a bit of a ruse. China reportedly was willing to let us just send the minimum monthly payment for October.
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New York City actually went through a whole week without a single murder last week. Apparently, the bad behavior of politicians in Washington had a stunning effect on everyone.
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Imagine, not a single murder in any of the five boroughs of New York for a week. Also, murders involving guns are down 28.8 percent there over last year. And all this happened despite the Yankees not making the playoffs.
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Thanks to the popularity of the “fiscal cliff,” nominations are being accepted for naming the nation’s next fiscal crisis, scheduled for January. So far, leading candidates are, the “greenback Grand Canyon,” the “dungeon of debt,” the “penniless pit,” and skiing into the “credit crevasse.” Fans of Disneyland may prefer the “legal tender tower of terror.” My personal favorite, though, is “tin can crisis meets steel-toed boot.”

In case you’re confused, here is what was happening in Washington as of last Friday: Conservative members of Congress had shut down much of the government, put many people out of work and were threatening the nation with default in order to stop a health care system that requires people to sign up for insurance on a web site that doesn’t work. Let me rephrase that. I should have said, in case you’re not confused.
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A survey last week found that only 7 percent of Americans believe the rollout of Obamacare has gone well. The administration considers this a ringing success, considering this is much higher than Congress’ current approval rating.
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An Associated Press/GfK poll found only 5 percent of Americans approve of the way Congress is doing its job. So much for the idea that Americans no longer can unite behind a cause.
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Ironically, 5 percent of the population just about equals the members of Congress, their families and the special interests who control them.
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I would give Congress a piece of my mind in a letter, but the Postal Service just missed a payment on retirement benefits for the third time and may not have enough money to buy the gas it takes to get it there.
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Postal officials have ideas about what it will take to make the agency profitable again, but Congress keeps marking these “return to sender.” Apparently, lawmakers worry that closing post offices and ending Saturday delivery would reduce their approval rating to something less than 5 percent.
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It’s sobering to think that Greece now has a more functioning government than the United States.
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Last week, the Obama administration allowed Utah to use its own money to reopen national parks within its borders. Given the comparison between budgets in Utah and Washington, they may ask Herbert to fund the military soon, as well.
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North Korea is saber-rattling again, threatening a joint military exercise by the United States and South Korea. Dennis Rodman would help, but he reportedly is trying to choose among offers from Kim Jong-un to be minister of hair coloring, trash-talk interpreter or the captain of rebounding — an important post for when North Korea’s rockets go astray.

A lighthearted look at issues of the day:

President Obama must be relieved that the government partially shut down last week. It was the only thing that could distract attention from the disastrous rollout of Obamacare.
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As near as I can tell, this is how insurance companies are going to be able to afford the new rules under Obamacare: Sure, the law will require them to accept all applicants without regard to pre-existing conditions or risk, and to allow children to be covered by their parents’ plan until age 26. But in return, the government will ensure that the web sites on which people can enroll will be completely non-functional.
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Actually, it’s all an elaborate plot. The idea is that anyone trying to access Obamacare will stare at the revolving wheel of their computer’s cursor until they are in a trance and open to hypnotic suggestions to always vote Democrat.
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So, how is it exactly that the government can’t afford to keep any of its web sites operating except the ones extolling how great President Obama and his health care law are?
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When Washington shut down last week, so did all the national parks and monuments. But that didn’t have to happen. This would be a good opportunity to partner with private businesses and finally make some money off these national treasures. Think of the possibilities. And just in case you can’t, I have:
“Welcome to the Rio Tinto Grand Canyon. Now deeper than ever!”
“Please stand back until folks have exited the Lincoln Memorial Tilt-a-Whirl, then have your tickets ready at the gate. Feel the butterflies the 16th president must have felt as he faced a crumbling union!”
“We hope you enjoyed Disney’s ‘The hills are alive’ program at Mt. Rushmore. Come back at 3 and we’ll make the four presidents sing again!”
“Welcome to the ‘Secret deodorant’ Statue of Liberty. Strong enough for a man, yet made for a statue who has to keep her arm up all day.”
“Now that Smuckers is our sponsor, we’re changing the name to Jellystone. Remember, don’t feed Yogi and Boo-boo!”
And of course, “Welcome to McDonald’s Golden Arches National Park. May I take your order?”
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Meanwhile, this thing could be over soon. Vladimir Putin is reportedly working on a way to get Republicans to agree to back down in exchange for only using more conventional political weapons from now on.

Fifty years ago last week, President Kennedy gave a major address in Salt Lake City. It’s uncanny how current that speech remains, especially the part about how the NSA has to listen to all American phone calls.

Interestingly, he said if something called “email” ever was invented, Washington would listen to that, too.

It’s clear, though, that a half-century has changed many things. Kennedy spoke about the dangers of Cuba under Fidel Castro. Hmm. Well, there must have been something in that speech that no longer applies.

Sure, the Senate could use a good, 21-hour discussion about how to fix the nation’s tax-and-spend problem and chart a course for the future. But it’s disheartening that, when they finally devoted 21 hours to something last week, it resulted in an impassioned reading of “Green Eggs and Ham.”

Texas Sen. Ted Cruz spent 21 hours in a “non-filibuster” to speak against Obamacare. As part of this, he read from the popular Dr. Seuss book. But as long as he was being Seussian, why didn’t he make up a few lines of his own? Here are some suggestions:

“I do not like Obamacare. I want the feds out of my hair.

I do not like Obamacare, and so the voters I will scare.

I do not like to compromise; I’d rather poke you in the eyes.

I think your plan will cost a lot. I want it killed. I’d like it shot.

I do not like the big mandate. Do not like? I think I hate.

I will not fund Obamacare. I will not sit down in my chair.

I plan to shout and talk all day. For your health plan I will not pay.

I plan to shout and talk all night, even if my rhymes are trite.

I will not read from “My pet goat,” though the ghost of Bush be at my throat.

Instead I read from Dr. Seuss; it sure beats funding a health care ruse.

I know I look just like a clown. I’d rather shut the nation down.

I do not have another plan. I will not fund this, Cruz I am.”

The irony, of course, is that in the end of “Green Eggs and Ham,” Sam actually tries the food and likes it. Don’t look for life to imitate art.

Members of Congress, meanwhile, shouldn’t be surprised if Americans soon splatter them with Oobleck.