A lighthearted look at the news of the day:
After watching a lot of television last week, I can’t decide which I would rather do — buy insurance from a guy who looks like pinocchio, show the Houston Astros a sign of my displeasure or vote for Mike Bloomberg.
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Mike Bloomberg has become a fixture on television in Super Tuesday states, hoping to portray himself as a man of the people. If elected, he said, he would never tweet. We don’t care about that. Just make the commercials stop.
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Bloomerg’s net worth has been estimated at $58 billion. He once signed a “giving pledge,” promising to give away half his fortune. Since then, he has given away $8 billion. Sounds like he has the math skills for the White House, anyway.
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Attorney General William Barr complained last week that President Trump’s tweets were making it impossible for him to do his job. Welcome to the world the rest of us have been living in for three years.
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If Abraham Lincoln had tweeted this much in his day, the Union Army would have been paralyzed by generals constantly looking up at birds.
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President Trump’s Executive Director of the U.S. Interagency Council on Homelessness was in town last week, telling Utahns they need a homeless Czar. This is not to be confused with the Democrats’ wish for a homeless president.
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After surviving an impeachment trial, President Trump now says he may end the long practice of allowing others in the administration to listen to his phone calls with foreign leaders. I think the American people are ready to make a deal. We’ll let the president keep his calls private if the NSA will stop listening to our phone calls.
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Utah lawmakers are considering a bill that would let people voluntarily put themselves on a list prohibiting stores from selling them a gun. This is a great idea. They should follow up with a bill letting burglars volunteer for a list that keeps them from buying black clothing, and overweight people could sign a list prohibiting stores from selling them Cheetos and Big Gulps.
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Meanwhile, there’s no truth to the rumor that Hollywood is working on a new baseball movie called, “Bang the trash can quickly,” or that Astros’ owner Jim Crane now has to read an awkwardly worded “excuse me” every time he sneezes.
After watching a lot of television last week, I can’t decide which I would rather do — buy insurance from a guy who looks like pinocchio, show the Houston Astros a sign of my displeasure or vote for Mike Bloomberg.
---
Mike Bloomberg has become a fixture on television in Super Tuesday states, hoping to portray himself as a man of the people. If elected, he said, he would never tweet. We don’t care about that. Just make the commercials stop.
---
Bloomerg’s net worth has been estimated at $58 billion. He once signed a “giving pledge,” promising to give away half his fortune. Since then, he has given away $8 billion. Sounds like he has the math skills for the White House, anyway.
---
Attorney General William Barr complained last week that President Trump’s tweets were making it impossible for him to do his job. Welcome to the world the rest of us have been living in for three years.
---
If Abraham Lincoln had tweeted this much in his day, the Union Army would have been paralyzed by generals constantly looking up at birds.
---
President Trump’s Executive Director of the U.S. Interagency Council on Homelessness was in town last week, telling Utahns they need a homeless Czar. This is not to be confused with the Democrats’ wish for a homeless president.
----
After surviving an impeachment trial, President Trump now says he may end the long practice of allowing others in the administration to listen to his phone calls with foreign leaders. I think the American people are ready to make a deal. We’ll let the president keep his calls private if the NSA will stop listening to our phone calls.
---
Utah lawmakers are considering a bill that would let people voluntarily put themselves on a list prohibiting stores from selling them a gun. This is a great idea. They should follow up with a bill letting burglars volunteer for a list that keeps them from buying black clothing, and overweight people could sign a list prohibiting stores from selling them Cheetos and Big Gulps.
---
Meanwhile, there’s no truth to the rumor that Hollywood is working on a new baseball movie called, “Bang the trash can quickly,” or that Astros’ owner Jim Crane now has to read an awkwardly worded “excuse me” every time he sneezes.
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