• If last week’s primary election in Utah was any indication, tea party supporters are searching for a new beverage.

• A party that uses the word “tea” was never a good fit for Utah, anyway. The Diet Coke party, now that’s something a lot of folks around here could get behind.

• Last week is a big one for the nation’s highest court. Immigration, juvenile justice, health care — these are the kinds of decisions we elected them to make. Oh wait …

• I don’t want to imply the court is arrogant, but it was a little much when the justices ended their session by announcing the winner of The Bachelor.

• In another decision last week, the court ruled it unconstitutional to punish someone for lying about his or her military record. The majority opinion was written by Gen. Anthony Kennedy.

• After years of hearing the public clamor for a college football playoff system, the BCS last week announced it had come up with a novel new idea — a college football playoff system!

• Actually, when they heard Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff was getting ready to sue them over the U of U not having a chance at the title game a few years ago, they knew the jig was up.

• Of course, the BCS will choose the playoff teams with a complicated formula involving computers, tarot cards and pig entrails. But at least it’s a step in the right direction.

• Utahns are preparing to take some well-deserved time off this week from fighting out-of-control wildfires all over the state. Many of them plan to use the time off to light incendiary devices in their back yards.

• The House voted last week to hold Attorney General Eric Holder in contempt. Interesting word, contempt. With the latest polls showing Congress with only a 17.8 percent approval rating, it would appear the nation’s contempt lies elsewhere.

• In fact, the latest negative political ads make it clear you have to have a good deal of contempt just to get elected to office.

• The city of Stockton, Calif., declared bankruptcy last week. Residents knew they were in trouble when they saw city officials hanging out in front of a payday lender, changing into various disguises to see if they could avoid being rejected again and again.

• A recent survey found that two-thirds of Americans think the nation has a major civility problem. The other third is so tired of hearing about it they want to hit someone.
• The Fast & Furious program did its job. Republicans in the House got furious pretty fast.
• Republicans voted to hold Attorney General Eric Holder in contempt. They need a vote for that? I thought Republicans and Democrats naturally held each other in contempt.
• Fast and Furious involved the deliberate sale of firearms to known criminals  so law enforcement could track them as they made their way into Mexico to leaders of drug cartels. I thought Republicans were all for looser gun-control laws.
• This program actual began under the George W. Bush administration as Operation Wide Receiver. Back then it wasn't quite as furious and, as far as Democrats are concerned, too fast.
• Bombarded by bad publicity, Attorney General Eric Holder did the only thing he could last week to divert attention — he cracked down on FLDS polygamists again.
• The Justice Department is suing the Arizona-Utah border towns of Hilldale and Colorado City for allegedly discriminating against people not of the FLDS Church. Those are two towns apparently not worried about growth or economic development.
• Worst job ever — director of tourism for Hilldale and Colorado City.
  
• The Days of  ’47 organizers said last week they won’t allow candy to be thrown from the parade. This is a sign of how soft we’ve gotten. I’ll bet the pioneers used to throw watermelon from their floats.
• Just when you thought it was safe to take your money outside again, along comes Moody's and downgrades all the banks.
• Moody's — what an appropriate name considering how it made Wall Street feel last week.
  

• Washington Nationals outfielder and devout Mormon Bryce Harper made every ad executive jealous last week when he coined a term that instantly went viral. Asked by a reporter whether he was going to celebrate a big home run with a beer, he said, “That’s a clown question, bro.” The Internet lit up like the Las Vegas Strip. Suddenly, everyone was clowning around.

          Here is a sampling of questions that all can be answered, “That’s a clown question, bro:”

                          -How’s your Facebook stock doing?

                         -Should I pound on the cockpit door to ask a question?

                         -Will Utah vote for Romney or Obama?

                         -Is Obama going to repeal the Affordable Care Act?

                         -Will Orrin Hatch agree to any more debates?

                        -Will New York’s Madison Square Garden search for a soft drink sponsor?

                       -Want to invest in real estate derivatives?

         Then there were the much deeper clown questions on Twitter that will keep you thinking for a while:

                        -I see you’re smiling on the outside, but how do you feel on the inside?

                        -Do you have those suspenders in rainbow?

                        -What do I look like, some kind of Bozo?

                        -Would anyone like to smell the flower on my lapel?

                        -I need to hire entertainment for my nephew’s birthday party. Any suggestions?

                        -How many of you can fit in that little fire truck?

• Some cities are offering to pay off student debts if a recent graduate agrees to move there and accept a job. No answer yet as to who will pay off what the city has to borrow to implement this program.
• One city offering to pay off student loans is Niagara Falls, N.Y. Its population has dropped from 100,000 to 50,000 since 1962. Of course, the only available job is at the Tasty Freeze.

• Isn’t that kind of like offering to pay for a girl’s prom dress if she’ll go as your date? Has any young man ever found that to be a winning strategy?
  

•  Police in Springdale, Utah are in trouble for allegedly pulling over foreign tourists and making them pay tickets immediately, in cash. So lighten up. Maybe they just wanted the ones from Third World countries to feel at home.

• Researchers at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill have discovered that people in other large nations, including China and Brazil, are becoming sedentary and overweight just like Americans. At last, we’ve discovered the secret to world peace. What if they called a war and everyone was too fat and lazy to show up?