Jay Evensen
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On Second Thought for June 16, 2014

6/13/2014

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A lighthearted look at news of the day:

Contrary to popular belief, House Majority Leader Eric Cantor’s pollster wasn’t wrong about the primary election in Virginia last week. He just had a margin of error of plus or minus 45 percent.

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One of the pollsters told Politico that Democrats in Virginia might have organized to vote in the Republican primary for Cantor’s opponent, while pollsters were surveying only Republican voters. Call it the vast left-wing tea party conspiracy.

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Cantor learned that it doesn’t matter how far to the right you sit at a tea party, someone is always righter.

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Cantor spent $5 million and ran a campaign with the help of some of Virginia’s most seasoned political veterans. The winner, economics professor Dave Brat, spent $300,000 and had a 23-year-old campaign manager. Just wait a couple of years. Brat’s challenger will spend no money and have staffers who do nothing but take selfies all day in their high school classes, but he or she will claim to be the true conservative.

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Having lost all his political power, Cantor will now have to slink into the ranks of the unemployed, faced with only a few options, including making untold millions as a lobbyist.

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Meanwhile, all those people hollering for campaign finance reform were outraged by the idea that someone could gain power without money, influence or tougher laws to keep them from getting either of those things.

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Hmm. New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was in Utah last week and I-15 was down to one lane during rush hour in Davis County. Coincidence?

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Christie was in Utah for a meeting of high-powered Republican leaders, hosted by Mitt Romney. The guest list included former Secretary of State George Shultz, Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee and NFL quarterback Peyton Manning. Romney probably invited Manning to lead his team in the touch football game during the lunch break. Politicians don’t like to lose at anything.

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Hillary Clinton told ABC’s Diane Sawyer that she and her husband were broke and in debt when they left the White House, so they can sympathize with every down-and-out American who has to rely on thrift stores and $200,000 speaking fees.

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Fortunately, the Clintons have been able to scrape together about $100 million over the last 14 years, proving that it’s not how much you make, it’s how you live on what you make.

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On Second Thought for June 9, 2014

6/11/2014

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A lighthearted look at news of the day:

University of Illinois researchers have found that hurricanes given women’s names kill more people than those named for men. The reason is people don’t think something named Katrina or Camille sounds too scary. Of course, the names go in alphabetical order. Wait until we get to Hurricane Xena, Warrior Princess.

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Maybe the safest option is give all future hurricanes androgynous names. Sandy already started the trend. People in the Northeast will tell you they don’t come much scarier than that one.

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Better yet, the National Hurricane Center should name storms after notorious people in history. Who wouldn’t run from Hurricane Attila the Hun?

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President Obama announced new EPA regulations last week requiring states to reduce their power plant emissions. Apparently, the president wants to make sure the one thing he doesn’t get in his stocking next Christmas is a lump of coal.

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However, he might get a spent nuclear fuel rod.

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You know you have an unpopular new energy policy when you can walk around Washington and never bump into a member of your own party. That’s because they’re hiding from you. After November, they just won’t be living in Washington any more.

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The World Cup begins next week. Actually, soccer has gained a foothold (pun intended) in the United States. Here, the sport is still in that awkward stage — popular enough to draw large crowds, but not yet so popular that fans riot and kill each other.

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English teachers love soccer for its headers and footers.

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Holding the World Cup in Brazil could be interesting. If fans get tired of arguing over which team will win, they can argue over which stadiums will be finished and whether police will hold rioters at bay.

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After trading five fierce Taliban thugs for one American prisoner, President Obama has pretty much guaranteed he won’t become a baseball manager when he leaves office.

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Someone got the prisoner-exchange on video. It was touching to see the Taliban guys pinky swear that they won’t attack Americans any more.

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Director Oliver Stone said he plans to make a movie about Ed Snowden, the former NSA employee who now lives in Russia. We’ll see how happy Stone is when his script ends up on the Wikileaks website.

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Let’s see, Daniel Craig could plan Vladimir Putin, Denzel Washington could play President Obama, and Justin Bieber could play Ed Snowden — except no Russian autocrat would ever willingly give asylum to Justin Bieber.

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    Everyone likes to laugh. Some of us even like to groan occasionally. Well, you've come to the right place. "On second thought" is a weekly feature I  produce for the Deseret News, available on Mondays. But here you can read them as I think of them.
      Oh yes, and if you've got something even funnier, post it in the comments. If I like it, I may use it.

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