Jay Evensen
  • Front Page
  • Opinions
  • Second Thoughts
  • Portfolio
  • Awards
  • About

On Second Thought for April 20, 2015

4/17/2015

0 Comments

 
A lighthearted look at news of the day:

An Alaska Airlines employee last week fell asleep in the cargo hold of a plane, then had to bang on the ceiling for help when he woke up and discovered the plane was in flight. Officials said this incident should serve as a wakeup call. “Wake up call? That would have been nice,” said the employee who fell asleep.

---

ABC News said the sleepy baggage handler has a Facebook page that lists him as having studied “the art of sleeping” at “Sleeping University.” That’s where the mascot is a sloth, every cheerleader is a dream date, exams are a nightmare and the football team is everyone’s favorite sleeper pick.

---

The baggage handler would have been safe in the cargo hold, which was pressurized to accommodate pets in transit. But it’s no fun down there. Instead of peanuts, you get complimentary kibble.

---

When the plane landed, the baggage handler was overheard telling authorities, “Please don’t tell my boss.”

---

Meanwhile, the flying public is just hoping airlines don’t use this as an excuse to cram more people onto each flight. You think flying is rough today. Wait until you long to be upgraded out of the baggage compartment.

---

Life is unfair. The baggage handler had an epically subpar day at work, and now he’s in trouble. Jordan Spieth had an epically subpar day at the Masters and he got a brand new green jacket.

---

Recent tests show dogs can sniff out prostate cancer in men with 98 percent accuracy. However, the tests also revealed that dinner guests at your house do not appreciate undergoing the procedure.

---

It’s true that dogs can sniff out cancer. They just have a hard time telling anyone about it.

---

All this time, we thought Lassie was trying to tell us that Timmy had fallen into a well.

---

Cats, meanwhile, know whether you have cancer or lots of other diseases. They just don’t care.

---

Apparently, if you want to deliver a protest message to Congress, you should find a different way to get there than by gyrocopter.

---

Doug Hughes of Florida flew low over the Washington Monument, across the National Mall, near the White House and landed on the lawn of the Capitol Building. By this time, the only people who hadn’t noticed him were Secret Service agents and the Capitol Police.

---

Ironically, Hughes wanted to protest in favor of campaign finance reform, but he may get FAA reform instead, all while suddenly becoming more interested in prison reform.

---

In the end, it was no big deal. Hughes was arrested and then released. Maybe Utah’s “Super Dell” Schanze should look into harassing Congress instead of owls.

0 Comments

On Second Thought for April 13, 2015

4/10/2015

0 Comments

 
A lighthearted look at news of the day:

I wouldn’t say the Secret Service is incompetent these days, but a week ago Sunday they nabbed hundreds of children trying to invade the White House lawn armed with eggs.

---

According to several news accounts, the IRS is complaining that budget cuts make it harder to audit as many people as in the past. I’m no PR genius, but the agency might not want to put a budget increase to a public vote in mid-April.

---

Some people say if the IRS audits fewer wealthy people, it will encourage more people to cheat on their taxes. Then again, it could just encourage more people to become wealthy.

---

This is a crisis, however. Without more money, how will the IRS properly harass conservative groups seeking tax-exempt status?

---

Out of 11 million people who registered NCAA tournament brackets with ESPN, a 12-year-old boy tied for first place. But the sports network is refusing to let him qualify for the chance to win a $20,000 gift certificate and a trip to Maui because he’s not 18. After all, who knows what would happen if we turned important grownup sporting events into something for kids?

---

Instead, ESPN offered to let the boy host SportsCenter. Great. Instead of a bunch of cash you might use to get a new X-Box, you get to read out loud, like in school, but in front of millions of people.

---

Members of the Duke basketball team didn’t show much sympathy for the kid. After all, he’ll get as much money as they did for making everyone else rich.

---

At an Easter Prayer Breakfast, President Obama said some Christians today act “less than loving,” which led to angry and hateful responses from some Christians.

---

A massive power failure last week turned off the lights at the White House. But officials there hardly noticed, saying they hadn’t had much power at all since last November.

---

Some people believe the day is coming when we’ll be able to vote for president on our smart phones. That could get confusing. It’s a good thing Election Day isn’t in March or many people might accidentally elect Kentucky.

---

Smart phone voting might have its advantages. If you really aren’t sure you want to vote for a candidate, you could settle for just “liking” him instead.

0 Comments

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    RSS Feed

    Ha! Ha! Ha!

    Everyone likes to laugh. Some of us even like to groan occasionally. Well, you've come to the right place. "On second thought" is a weekly feature I  produce for the Deseret News, available on Mondays. But here you can read them as I think of them.
      Oh yes, and if you've got something even funnier, post it in the comments. If I like it, I may use it.

    Archives

    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    March 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012

    Categories

    All
    Anthony Weiner
    Barack Obama
    Bcs
    Belarus
    Congress
    Donald Trump
    Fast And Furious
    Mitt Romney
    Nasa
    North Korea
    North Korea
    Olympics
    Politics
    Ron Paul
    Tea Party
    Utah
    Utah Legislature
    Venus


Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Photos from Gwydion M. Williams, PetroleumJelliffe, mike.benedetti, ScrippsBee, Images_of_Money