Jay Evensen
  • Front Page
  • Opinions
  • Second Thoughts
  • Portfolio
  • Awards
  • About

On Second Thought for Nov. 21, 2016

11/17/2016

0 Comments

 
​A lighthearted look at news of the day 
 
Police in Harrisburg, Pa., are investigating the theft of more than a dozen laundry detergent bottles from a grocery store. So far, they have no leads, but they hope someone comes clean soon.
---
I know criminals tend to be stupid, but I pity the guy if he thinks he’s going to start a money-laundering scheme.
---
President-elect Donald Trump says he may not stay full-time at the White House. He wants to commute from his apartment in New York. This is good news for Chris Christie. From now on, he won’t be the one blamed for traffic jams.
---
For Trump’s neighbors in New York, there are tradeoffs. Sure, they have to see the president’s laundry drying on the clothesline between buildings, but they won’t have to pay extra for getting frisked by the Secret Service every time they walk the dog.
---
In American politics, this post-election time is known as the beginning of a traditional honeymoon period for the new president. It’s such a wonderful tradition. You remember people protesting your honeymoon, don’t you?
---
In recent weeks, fake news stories on Facebook outperformed the top legitimate stories from major news outlets. Well sure, but it really can be hard to tell the difference. For instance, which is harder to believe, a story that says Hillary Clinton is secretly selling arms to ISIS, or one that says President Obama is hoping Donald Trump succeeds?
---
I say it’s time for everyone to wake up to what it takes to attract an audience these days. Quit being so old fashioned. Invite your kids to Thanksgiving by saying, “Mom took the innards out of the turkey, and you won’t believe what happened next!”
---
Who cares if the Pope never really endorsed Trump? What else are we supposed to talk about at parties? The way the rest of the world thinks we’ve gone off the rails?
---
Donald Trump says he’ll take only a $1 yearly salary as president. Don’t get too upset. Everyone should know by now that you don’t get as much for a dollar as you used to.
 
0 Comments

On Second Thought for Nov. 14, 2016

11/10/2016

0 Comments

 
​A lighthearted look at news of the day 
 
Now that the 2016 elections are over, only one thought dominates the minds of anxious Americans. How long until the primary debates begin for 2020?
---
Polls show roughly two-thirds of Americans think the big losers on Election Day were pollsters. But the margin of error is so large it’s hard to tell for sure.
---
From now on, the fine print at the bottom of polls will say, “Margin of error +/– 4 percent, or, then again, the whole thing could be pathetically wrong.”
---
Predictions were so wrong leading into Tuesday that surveys may stop relying on Tarot cards and coffee grinds altogether.
---
Pollsters have a simple explanation for what happened during this election season. They accidentally forgot to survey half the nation.
---
So, the big question on the minds of all Americans is, now that he won, will Donald Trump’s staff allow him to use his Twitter account again? We can’t wait for his first 140-character asides from the next G-7 meeting.
---
Trump’s victory was a shock to many Americans, but they’ll get over it. Americans are a hardy lot. I’m sure even Yale University soon will resume the classes and exams it canceled for grief-stricken students.
---
If Trump is smart, the first thing he will do is give Samsung a defense contract. Any company that can make smart phones catch fire in your pocket and blow the tops off washing machines deserves a shot at our enemies.
---
If one more Samsung product becomes an inadvertent weapon, the company could get support from the NRA.
---
At first, the stock market reacted negatively to news that Trump was winning. That all changed when it became clear Wall Street would not be moved to the southern border to be paid for by Mexicans. That will be a different wall.
---
Speaking of which, Canada may now be building a wall of its own and trying to make us pay for it.
---
After the election, President Obama welcomed Trump to the White House. Staff members were up all the previous night trying to dig a hole big enough to bury the hatchets. 
0 Comments

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    RSS Feed

    Ha! Ha! Ha!

    Everyone likes to laugh. Some of us even like to groan occasionally. Well, you've come to the right place. "On second thought" is a weekly feature I  produce for the Deseret News, available on Mondays. But here you can read them as I think of them.
      Oh yes, and if you've got something even funnier, post it in the comments. If I like it, I may use it.

    Archives

    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    March 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012

    Categories

    All
    Anthony Weiner
    Barack Obama
    Bcs
    Belarus
    Congress
    Donald Trump
    Fast And Furious
    Mitt Romney
    Nasa
    North Korea
    North Korea
    Olympics
    Politics
    Ron Paul
    Tea Party
    Utah
    Utah Legislature
    Venus


Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Photos used under Creative Commons from Gwydion M. Williams, PetroleumJelliffe, mike.benedetti, ScrippsBee, Images_of_Money