Jay Evensen
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On Second Thought for Jan. 26, 2015

1/23/2015

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A lighthearted look at news of the day:

Some people were critical of President Obama’s State of the Union address for glossing over problems. But cut him some slack; with Republicans now in control of Congress, there are a lot of elephants in the room to ignore.
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The president said, “the shadow of crisis has passed.” He talked about smart American leadership. He talked about how wonderful the U.S. economy is. Apparently, someone switched his talk with a chapter from a utopian science fiction novel.
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The president spent a lot of time talking about everything that’s good in the economy. He didn’t say one word about the threat posed by deflation. I guess he decided to leave that to the NFL.
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Is it just me, or has some of the air been taken out of the upcoming Super Bowl? Are we having trouble getting pumped up?
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One thing may be said with certainty, all the talk about the New England Patriots cheating to win the AFC championship game is not overblown.
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The NFL says 11 of the Patriots’ 12 game balls were deflated by about 2 psi. Now, if it were the old Houston Oilers, this would be believable. Nothing is losing air faster these days than the oil market.
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Speaking of oil, is it just me, or does “crude oil” sound like something they use to lubricate the cameras on the sets of television sitcoms these days?
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I just hope no one here discovers how deflated my keyboard seems at times.
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Shaquille O’Neal has been sworn in as a reserve police officer in South Florida. That’s what I call the long arm of the law.
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Utah lawmakers begin their annual session this week. Republican leadership is already talking about the need to raise taxes. Maybe it was their talking points that were accidentally switched with Obama’s State of the Union address.
 

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On Second Thought for Jan. 12, 2015

1/9/2015

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A lighthearted look at news of the day:

The Utah Republican Party has announced it will lobby the Legislature to repeal a law the Republican majority passed last year. Here’s an idea: The Republican Party could collect the phone numbers of Republicans, then introduce itself.

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GOP Party chairman James Evans said the party has to protect its brand against Republicans. Apparently, the eggnog was a little strong at the Christmas party this year.

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Evans said the law is written in such a way that a non-Republican might collect enough petition signatures to get onto Republican primary ballots. But if this happened, Utahns would react strongly, saying things like, “There’s a non-Republican in Utah? Where!”

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Utah Democrats are watching with envy, wishing they had the money to hire a lobbyist just to introduce themselves to other lawmakers.

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Vice President Joe Biden went to Brazil last week to reassure President Dilma Rousseff after Ed Snowden revealed the Obama administration had spied on her. Biden must have been impressed with how technologically savvy Brazil is after learning they have a forest and a river named after Internet giant Amazon.

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Officials at Boston’s Museum of Fine Arts opened a time capsule last week that was sealed inside the Massachusetts State House in 1795. Among other things, it contained a newspaper. I don’t want to say things haven’t changed much, but the paper speculated on which of the Bush ancestors might run against George Washington in ’96.

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The paper’s technology section had a feature on the possibility of a “smart carriage” that would be able to run on horse sense.

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The entertainment section had a review of Betty White’s second show. It wasn’t THAT old of a newspaper.

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Actually, the capsule contained an engraved silver plate and several coins, all placed there by Paul Revere. Officials plan to reseal the capsule after adding some modern treasures, such as viral tweets and YouTube videos of people falling down.

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Or maybe they could include the latest device from the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, a dog collar that lets you talk to your pet from a remote location when he begins barking at the neighbor’s cat. Hopefully, this comes with a prescription for doggy sedatives to calm him down after he spends all day trying to find where you’re hiding.

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    Everyone likes to laugh. Some of us even like to groan occasionally. Well, you've come to the right place. "On second thought" is a weekly feature I  produce for the Deseret News, available on Mondays. But here you can read them as I think of them.
      Oh yes, and if you've got something even funnier, post it in the comments. If I like it, I may use it.

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