Jay Evensen
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On Second Thought for July 29, 2013

7/26/2013

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I would say something about Anthony Weiner, but it appears he has had enough exposure already.

Given all we now know about Weiner and his Internet … uh … habits, it appears the most shocking thing we’ve heard from him lately is that he still intends to run for mayor of New York.

My guess is voters there might still forgive him if he promises to let people drink more than 16 ounces of soda pop.

The Senate passed a bill this week that ought to keep government-backed student loans at low interest rates. If there is one thing with which Congress has experience, it’s knowing how to borrow money easily.

To be fair, Congress ought to pass a law letting today’s students pass their loans onto their children or grandchildren.

If North Korea should get belligerent again any time soon, the United States could do worse than threatening to drop copies of “The Lone Ranger” or “R.I.P.D.” on them. The world hasn’t seen bombs that big in a long time.

The Postal Service still exceeds Hollywood for losses this summer. Congress now is considering eliminating door-to-door delivery to save money. The next step would be to eliminate deliveries during snow, rain, heat or gloom of night.

The Postal Services wants to deliver mail to “cluster boxes” rather than to individual homes. For example, Texas could have a cluster box in Austin, Kansas could have one in Topeka, etc.

Think of the feelings of anticipation you would get as you drive hundreds of miles to pick up your junk mail.

Maybe we’re going about this push for democracy around the world all wrong. We ought to be pushing for monarchies. Then when royal babies are born, people will be too excited to do anything bad to each other.

My favorite breaking news alert of the week: Kate Middleton still not yet skinny again.


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On Second Thought for July 15, 2013

7/12/2013

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A lighthearted look at news of the day:

Last week an original Apple computer from 1976 was sold for almost $388,000. The best part is it came with 90 days of free tech support from a guy in Bombay.

Another Apple 1 sold for $671,400 in May. Sort of makes you wish you had hung onto your 5 ¼-inch floppy drive, doesn’t it?

Apple, meanwhile, lost a court case alleging it violated anti-trust laws by pricing its ebooks too high. So, you can’t charge $15 or $20 to read a new book on a cool state-of-the-art electronic reader, but you can get hundreds of thousands of dollars for a 37-year-old computer that might be able to play “pong”?  Who says capitalism is nutty?

Eliot Spitzer is running for comptroller of New York City. Anthony Wiener is running for mayor. Somewhere, Gary Hart is wondering what he did wrong.

Spitzer and Wiener both thought their political careers were over when they were caught up in sordid sex scandals. Turns out voters may like knowing they can’t learn anything about you that will shock or surprise them.

The federal government took in $117 billion more in June than it paid out. That’s what is known as a surplus — a word that has politicians everywhere searching for a dictionary.

Experts said the surplus was due in part to tax hikes, “sequestration” cuts and the newfound profitability of government-backed mortgage companies Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. Washington called for a moment of silence while special-interest groups scrambled to rewrite their narratives.

Edward Snowden finally got some good offers of asylum this week from Venezuela, Nicaragua and Bolivia, all three bastions of political and civil rights. At least he would find a greater degree of equality in those nations than in the United States, if you define that as a place where everyone is equally poor.

Snowden gave up a high-paying job and a home in Waipahu, Hawaii, and he may end up in Nicaragua, where the per capita income is $1,754. This isn’t exactly giving whistle-blowing a good name.

Social Media is spinning with excitement at the release of the film ‘Sharknado,’ which literally features giant sharks in tornadoes. Online video providers have already begun debating where to place film: Horror, Sci-fi, Action, Comedy or in the trash.

Sharks in tornadoes: That’s a good start. How about sharks and tornadoes attacking flight 1313 through the Bermuda triangle while aliens invade? In the climax, you learn the airplane is really a giant transformer.

Even better: A movie in which members of Congress unanimously decide to sacrifice their political careers to solve the nation’s fiscal problems. Naw, nobody would believe it.
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On Second Thought for July 8, 2013

7/12/2013

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A lighthearted look at issues of the day:

Developers in Peru recently tore down a 4,000-year-old pyramid to make way for a new housing development. Too bad it didn’t happen in this country. Tearing down something that old surely would have qualified the developer for tax breaks as a redevelopment project.
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Europe is a long and trusted ally of the United States, but lately it has become the manic-depressive relative you avoid at a party. Last week the entire continent was up in arms because American activist Ed Snowden revealed the U.S. had been spying on European nations. But then those same European nations wouldn’t let an airplane carrying Bolivian President Evo Morales fly over Europe because of suspicions Snowden was onboard.
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And then the French paper Le Monde reported that France has been doing its share of spying as well, without any legal justification. Maxwell Smart’s nemesis, “KAOS,” may have been fictitious, but Europe and the U.S. may want to try the cone of silence from now on to work out their troubles.
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Anxious to let all Americans know he was delaying a key part of Obamacare, the president last week immediately rushed the information to the world via blog posts on a couple of obscure government web sites.
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Well, why call a press conference when it’s just bad news?
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And why let us see the real impacts of Obamacare now when you can put it off until after the mid-term elections?
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Recent reports show the government has spent $630,000 in order to increase the number of “likes” on its State Department Facebook page. No, North Korean Leader Jim Jong Un has not yet pressed the button.
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Do diplomats use this when negotiating? “You should sign this agreement. Just look at how many likes we have, and don’t even think about making us Tweet anything bad about you.”
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More than 2 million people so far have “liked” the State Department. Not bad, but it’s a bit short of the 33 million Justin Bieber had on last count. Maybe he should be secretary of state.
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A group is planning a 5K race in September in Spanish Fork to aid victims of gun violence. What’s unique about that? Well, runners are being invited to bring their guns with them. Organizers say they want to show that gun owners are responsible, normal people. If that’s normal, I’m going to be a lot more respectful to the joggers who try to hog the sidewalks in my neighborhood park.
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What’s next? A race with scissors to raise money for victims of eye injuries?
Jay Evensen is the associate editor of the Deseret News editorial page. Follow him on Twitter @jayevensen.
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