​A lighthearted look at news of the day:
 
Welcome to 2016, where the air is murky and the going slippery — sort of like the race for president.
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2016 will be kind of like 2015, except that the scary reality show we’ve all been watching ends with someone getting to run the free world.
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The old year ended with the Clintons attacking Donald Trump on women’s issues and Trump firing back by reminding everyone of Bill Clinton’s messy extramarital adventures. But don’t despair. I hear Canada is a lovely place to live and fairly welcoming to immigrants from the south.
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Thanks to Utah lawmakers, the tax on gasoline went up nearly 5 cents a gallon on Friday. Anxious motorists were relieved, however, to learn that Big Gulps remain at the same price per gallon.
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People are making a big deal about how President Obama used the NSA to spy on members of Congress. But to be fair, Congress has a lower approval rating than many of the nation’s enemies.
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The president thought he was on solid ground. After all, who could take any allegations of gathering “intelligence” from Congress seriously?
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Actually, the president was spying directly on Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, and members of Congress just happened to be in front of the prime minister while he was talking. But hey, the intelligence community has a hard time infiltrating our enemies. Why not practice on our friends?
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A century ago, the American president had a policy described as, “Speak softly and carry a big stick.” Today’s president has a policy described as, “Speak up, and talk directly into that lampshade.”
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Somewhere, Richard Nixon is smiling and Hillary Clinton is wondering if she could one day use the NSA to keep track of Bill.
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This White House spying scandal truly is outrageous. It seems the only place on earth where you can go to keep secrets any more is a Utah Republican caucus meeting at the state Legislature.
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And so, we go boldly into 2016, still remembering those days long ago when a “smart watch” was something that looked good with your leisure suit, “virtual reality” was a sure bet, like the notion that disco would never go out of style, and a driverless car meant Uncle Ed forgot to set the parking brake again.
 
 

​A lighthearted look at news of the day:
 
New England Quarterback Tom Brady cut a press conference short last week after reporters asked him about his relationship with Donald Trump. “I don’t even know what the issues are,” Brady has said, explaining that he doesn’t follow politics. But that’s hardly relevant, considering the same could be said of Trump.
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Russian President Vladimir Putin last week praised Donald Trump as an “absolute leader.” He also called him "an outstanding and talented personality." It seems everyone is angling to be Trump’s running mate.
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Apparently, Putin was just reacting to Trump’s promise to comp him some drinks next time he’s at Trump Towers in Las Vegas.
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Actually, being endorsed by the leader of Russia can be embarrassing, even if he could help you ban Muslims and kill the families of terrorists.
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Defense Secretary Ashton Carter, meanwhile, apparently has been using his personal email account for official government business. First Hillary Clinton, and now Ashton Carter. Maybe someone should check to see whether the government’s IT guy is a surly computer geek everyone just wants to avoid.
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In Carter’s defense, the last place the nation’s enemies would think to look for state secrets is Hotmail.
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Carter was using his personal email account even after news broke about Hillary Clinton’s use of personal emails as secretary of state. This is what happens when people stop reading newspapers and watching newscasts. Hillary’s problems apparently never showed up on Carter’s Facebook feed.
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In that sense, Carter was following the lead of the millennial generation, which seems clueless of current events. In fact, the Federal Reserve decided last week to raise interest rates for the first time in nine years, but millennials still had no interest.
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The government’s North American Aerospace Defense Command is getting set to track Santa’s journey from the North Pole this week. Getting an exact location will be a little harder this year now that the NSA no longer can tap the big guy’s cell phone.
 

​A lighthearted look at news of the day:
 
North Korean leader Kim Jong Un now claims he has a hydrogen bomb. World leaders expressed concern. If someone like Kim can get such a bomb, what’s to stop someone like Donald Trump from getting one, too?
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Senior U.S. defense officials were skeptical about North Korea’s claims, noting that filling a balloon with water does not technically constitute a hydrogen bomb.
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Meanwhile, Donald Trump announced last week that he is postponing a trip to Israel until he can lob some insults at other targets to divert attention from his insults against Muslims.
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Trump would bar Muslims from this country by instructing immigration officials to ask people if they are Muslim. He also would end crime by having police set up checkpoints to ask people if they are honest.
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Meanwhile, on the Democratic side, Bernie Sanders is trying to regain some traction for his campaign by promising to crack down on the fossil fuel industry. It’s a little transparent when really old guys come out in defense of fossils, isn’t it?
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Sanders would ban energy extraction on federal lands, ban hydraulic fracking for gas and oil and create clean energy jobs through a massive federal program. In other words, he would help Americans learn how to shelter in place.
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Defense Secretary Ashton Carter announced last week that women now are eligible to fill every military combat role. That’s fine, but Americans really want to know whether a female protagonist will finally get to carry a light saber in a Star Wars movie.
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Republican candidate Ben Carson, meanwhile, has gotten caught up in his own version of a pyramid scheme. Carson claims Joseph of the Old Testament built the Egyptian pyramids to store grain. Experts say they were built as burial tombs. Finally, an issue of substance for American voters to consider.
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Thanks to Gov. Gary Herbert, Rutherford B. Hayes’s political career in Utah is now washed up.
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Hayes, as the governor noted, once asked foreign nations to stop allowing Mormons to emigrate to Utah. Hayes once was a member of the Whig Party. Come to think of it, that might be a name to consider if Trump decides to form his own third party.