Jay Evensen
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On Second Thought for April 28, 2014

4/25/2014

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A lighthearted look at news of the day:

CNN reported that the Democratic Party has a short list of cities it is considering for its 2016 national convention. Salt Lake City is one of them. There are some hurdles to cross before this can happen, however. For one thing, Utah would have to officially recognize the party.

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After an initial splash at the box office, the much-hyped “Noah” movie seems to have drowned in a flood of indifference. It’s not even clear whether the movie will last in theaters for 40 days and 40 nights.

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Strip away all the arguments about Biblical accuracy and “Noah” is just another film with animated rocks.

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Southern Nevada’s Cliven Bundy had something going there for a while with his “take back the land” crusade against the BLM — until everyone realized he wanted to take it back to before the Civil War.

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Bundy said black people were better off picking cotton as slaves than they are today. Now we have a new Olympic event — the political sprint away from Bundy. The current record holder appears to be Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, followed closely by Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul.

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Everyone thought Cliven Bundy was from Bunkerville, Nev. Turns out he’s really from Archie Bunker-ville.

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Last week a teenager flew from San Jose to Hawaii in the wheel well of an airliner. Not only was he arrested for this, the airline is refusing to let him count the trip as frequent flyer miles.

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Experts say it is a miracle the 16-year-old stowaway survived the thin atmosphere at 38,000 feet and temperatures that would have been about 80 degrees below zero. They think his body may have gone into a state of suspended animation. That’s good news for him, but bad news for the rest of us as airlines begin to consider new ways to offer discounted fares.

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You think flying is rough today. Wait until you long to be “upgraded” to the baggage compartment.

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Jeffrey Wade Chapman is about to go on trial in Kansas on charges he killed another man. But first, he has petitioned the court to allow him to remove a tattoo from his throat. The tattoo says, “Murder.” What an embarrassing coincidence.

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Here’s some advice. If you have “Murder” tattooed on your throat, you might want to think about committing a different sort of crime.

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On Second Thought for April 21, 2014

4/17/2014

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A lighthearted look at news of the day:

Researchers at Northwestern have found that even casual use of marijuana leads to brain abnormalities. They would have discovered more, but their subjects forgot what the studies were about and researchers were having trouble keeping the vending machines stocked.
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This is good news. Those states that have legalized marijuana could repeal their laws and pot smokers would never know the difference.
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Last week, a rare lunar eclipse led to what is known as a blood moon. It’s unfortunate someone always has to schedule these things in the middle of the night on a weekday.
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Word has it that when President Obama saw the red moon, he immediately suspected Vladimir Putin of a lunar invasion.
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Here’s irony for you: Now that she’s unemployed, former Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius will have to try to logon to healthcare.gov to get insurance.
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Luckily, Obamacare makes sure you’re covered when the door slams into your backside on the way out.
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Russian President Vladimir Putin hosted a national call-in show last week. One of the callers was American fugitive Edward Snowden, wanted here for revealing secrets related to public surveillance. He asked Putin whether Russia spies on its people. Putin said no. Well, that settles it, then.
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So … Barack Obama has to suffer through leak after leak about secret NSA strategy designed to ferret out terrorists, but Vladimir Putin merely has to answer a softball question about whether he spies on people? I guess that’s the price Snowden has to pay for living in a “gated community” in Russia.
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Putin’s just a nice, cuddly guy who wouldn’t think of spying on his own people because, as he said, “We do not have the money.” Well of course, it’s hard to make ends meet when you’re busy invading neighboring countries.
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Another caller asked Putin whether he had plans to invade Alaska next. No, he said, it’s too cold there. He prefers the tropical clime of Kiev.
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Whatever happened to that nice Russian leader who used to dance drunk with rock bands? Oh wait, that’s the mayor of Toronto.
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Speaking of Rob Ford, he kicked off his re-election bid last week. The Toronto Sun said a “staggering” turnout was expected for his announcement. And that’s just a description of Ford’s own entrance.

Jay Evensen is the Deseret News senior editorial columnist.
Email: even@desnews.com
Twitter: @jayevensen
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On Second Thought for April 7, 2014

4/4/2014

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A lighthearted look at news of the day:

President Obama held a celebratory event this week and announced that the Affordable Care Act, or Obamacare, is “here to stay.” He should have done something more dramatic, such as land on an aircraft carrier under a banner reading, “Mission accomplished.”
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If the president thinks the sniper fire is over on health care reform, he may be underestimating the insurgent forces in Washington.
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It says something about the power of the federal government when it can force the 48.6 million people who are uninsured to sign up for health insurance under threat of a fine, get only 7.1 million people to sign up and then declare the whole thing a success.
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The U.S. Supreme Court last week expanded the number of politicians any one person can buy. The tough part is finding a place to store them when they’re not being used.
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The Associated Press says the White House recently conducted a covert Twitter operation in Cuba, designed to stir political unrest in 140 characters or less.
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Just imagine if social media had existed throughout history. John F. Kennedy could have called off the invasion of Cuba because the Internet was down.
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FDR might have said, “The only thing we have to fear is someone hacking our accounts.”
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Winston Churchill might not have been as inspiring if he said, “We shall tweet in France, we shall tweet on the seas and oceans, we shall tweet with growing confidence and growing strength in the air …”
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Baseball season started last week, and this year the major leagues have instituted replay reviews by umpires. Apparently, people were complaining the games weren’t slow enough.
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From now on, when people refer to a doubleheader between the Yankees and Red Sox, they will mean one game that lasts two days.

Jay Evensen is the senior editorial columnist at the Deseret News. Email him at even@desnews.com. For more content, visit his web site, jayevensen.com.

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