Jay Evensen
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On Second Thought for Sept. 24, 2018

9/21/2018

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​A lighthearted look at news of the day:
 
Last Saturday was the autumnal equinox. That’s the day when the wildfires in Utah change to a more amber and yellow glow.
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I wouldn’t say it’s been a bad year for fires in Utah, but word has it Smokey Bear is looking for a new career as a backup mascot for the Jazz.
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Utah’s kindergartners started school this month. They’re so cute as they enter classrooms for the first time, all ready to learn words they may never have heard before, like, “rain” and “cloud.”
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In Florida, giant bundles containing 5-kilo bricks of marijuana have been washing ashore on sandy beaches. Tourists were heard to remark, “When they said to be careful with high tides, we never imagined this.”
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The Washington Post said when sheriff’s deputies arrived at the Florida beach where marijuana had appeared, they found one man standing with 11 pounds of the stuff in his hand. He told them he was just holding it in safekeeping for their arrival. They thanked him with a criminal charge of possession and failure to think of an intelligent excuse.
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Last week, Republican Sen. John Kennedy said Democrats had turned the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation hearings into an “intergalactic freak show.” Democratic Sen. Cory Booker took offense to that. “I am Spartacus!” he said.
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Aliens all across the universe, meanwhile, are thinking of suing for defamation.
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Kennedy said he’s “fairly confident” the Founding Fathers didn’t intend for confirmation hearings to work this way. Actually, I’m fairly confident if the Founding Fathers could see Washington today, they might be tempted to say, “Maybe King George wasn’t so bad, after all.”
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A flight from Mumbai to Jaipur in India had to make an emergency landing after crewmembers forgot to turn on cabin pressure. Wouldn’t you expect that to be first on the checklist, right before reminders to arrange little bags of peanuts and pretzels on a cart that’s one millimeter narrower than the width of the aisle?
 
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On Second Thought for Sept. 10, 2018

9/7/2018

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​A lighthearted look at news of the day:
 
Who needs the NFL, with its watered-down tackling rules? Thanks to cable TV, we can watch Supreme Court nomination hearings. No rules, and they don’t even wear helmets!
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Anyone who really misses the old Barnum and Bailey Circus should come to Washington. Elephants and donkeys perform daily. P.T Barnum lives! It’s up to you to decide who are the suckers.
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Each day of hearings last week began with the ceremonial tossing out of the first protester. This was followed by several repeats, using a series of different protesters every 10 minutes or so, just to break the monotony. The only thing missing was a scroll at the bottom of the screen telling people what number to call to vote for their favorite performance.
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In the grand finale, Democratic presidential aspirant Cory Booker declared himself Spartacus. You remember Spartacus, right? He led an uprising against the Roman Empire by releasing confidential documents the Romans already had made public … or something like that.
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One good thing is that no one decided to play the national anthem and take a knee. Then the president would have tried to shut the whole thing down.
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After several days of exhaustive hearings, Americans finally learned the truth about Judge Brett Kavanaugh. He’s a “pro-law” judge, as opposed to all those judges who hate the law.
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The late British journalist Claud Clockburn said, “Believe nothing until it has been officially denied.” In other words, you better believe a lot of crazy stuff happened in Washington last week.
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A day after the New York Times published an anonymous op-ed from “a senior official in the Trump administration,” the list of denials from prominent people in the White House began to grow. Curiously, President Trump wasn’t among them.
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Even former Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr., had to deny he was secretly flying from Moscow (otherwise known as U.S. election headquarters) to Washington so he could frustrate the president’s agenda.
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The op-ed writer called the president, “impetuous, adversarial, petty and ineffective.” Not so, said the president, as he dashed off several hastily written tweets, including one that called the author gutless and accused him or her of treason, and another that ineffectively demanded the Times hand the writer over to the government.
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All of this has me confused. Am I supposed to be more afraid of the deep state or the shallow state?
 
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