Jay Evensen
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On Second Thought for Sept. 28, 2015

9/25/2015

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A lighthearted look at news of the day:

Volkswagen has taken the concept of a smart car to a new level. Any car that can belch pollution but still get its owner to pass an emissions test is kind of a smart-aleck car.

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In smart-car school, Volkswagens were in the back of the class throwing spit wads at the little economy models up front.

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Last week, upon the death of baseball legend Yogi Berra, the Associated Press mistakenly reported that Yogi Bear had died. That’s what is known as a boo-boo.

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Everyone knows cartoon characters don’t die. They keep getting reanimated.

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However, the reporter who made this mistake soon may be reassigned to writing obits from a bureau in Jellystone Park.

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Pope Francis spent only a few days in the United States, but it was enough for him to take a slim lead over Donald Trump in the polls.

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Republicans were just glad the Pope wasn’t going to visit Iowa before heading home.

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Americans were so anxious to get a glimpse of the Pontiff that some of them paid hundreds of dollars on Craigslist for tickets to hear him condemn them for being too capitalistic.

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Speaking to Congress, Pope Francis had a little something for everyone. Liberals praised his condemnation of the death penalty and his concerns about climate change. Conservatives praised his support for traditional marriage and opposition to abortion. Hillary Clinton praised him for not making his emails public.

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After the Pope left Washington, President Obama entertained the president of China, Xi Jinping. They talked about ways to make China more capitalistic. So much for long-term Papal influence.

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Comicon invaded Salt Lake City again last week. It’s that rare time of year when TRAX riders are protected not only by UTA police officers, but by five Captain Americas, two Captain Kirks, a Dr. Who and a Wonder Woman on every car.

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Scott Walker dropped out of the GOP presidential race last week. Others are expected to follow. The party wants to keep former Hewlett Packard CEO Carly Fiorina around, though, because she knows how to hook up the printer.

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On Second  Thought for Sept. 21, 2015

9/16/2015

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A lighthearted look at news of the day:

Police in Irving, Texas arrested a teenager last week for engineering and building a digital clock. That’s understandable. You can’t have someone do something like that for a school project. Think of how all the other kids who aren’t as clever would feel?

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Actually, police questioned the boy because they thought he had built a bomb. The fact that the boy’s name is Ahmed Mohamed had nothing to do with it, of course.

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Mark Zuckerberg is bringing a “dislike” button to Facebook. Now all we need is an “I don’t care where you went on vacation and your cat is boring” button.

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It’s still all so vague. If someone dislikes a post about a breakup, does that mean he dislikes you or the breakup? And will businesses now urge me to dislike their competitors?

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Texas Gov. Rick Perry has dropped out of the presidential race, which actually was a demonstration of his leadership abilities. Dozens of other GOP candidates are expected to follow him.

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Word has it Mark Cuban is thinking about running for president. If nothing else, President Cuban would be a nice way to confuse a doddering, old Fidel Castro.

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In the race for the GOP nomination, Ben Carson is catching up to Donald Trump. If he doesn’t win, Carson ought to become Trump’s running mate. A brain surgeon is just what Trump needs.

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Meanwhile, Trump has criticized Carson, saying he is “not a great religious figure.” That’s an old trick. When you’re dealing with a guy who’s a brain surgeon, create a diversion.

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Meanwhile, Carson is the only guy in the race who can say, “Running the country isn’t brain surgery,” and actually know what he’s talking about.

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On Second Thought for Sept. 7, 2015

9/4/2015

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A lighthearted look at news of the day:

Last week, President Obama became the first president to visit the Arctic. Well, if you don’t count Bill Clinton when he would go home during the impeachment trial.

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Before visiting Alaska, Obama officially renamed Mt. McKinley to Mt. Denali. That officially answers the question of when it’s no longer too soon to dishonor an assassinated president.

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Wait another 50 years and some Republican president will retaliate by renaming JFK Airport back to Idlewild.

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To Obama’s credit, he resisted the urge to change the name of Seward, another Alaskan spot named for a Republican — William H. Seward, Lincoln’s secretary of state — to Kerry.

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It appears the only thing deflated in the NFL right now is Commissioner Roger Goodell.

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A judge ruled the NFL was wrong to suspend quarterback Tom Brady for allegedly deflating the footballs he used. That’s just going to encourage other quarterbacks to do the same. Maybe this is the “giant sucking sound” Ross Perot tried to warn us about 20 years ago.

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Actually, Perot was warning about jobs heading south, kind of like what will happen if the Oakland Raiders move back to Los Angeles.

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We’ve learned a lot of things from Hillary Clinton’s emails. One of them is that, if she becomes president, she will need to hire a 12-year-old to help her use electronic devices.

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At one point, Hillary emailed a State Department staffer to ask when “Parks and Recreation” and “The Good Wife” were next going to air on television. My guess is somewhere in the Clinton home sits a VCR blinking 12:00.

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In a surprise announcement, British-based Sky Trax has ranked North Korean airliner Air Koryo as the worst in the world. You risk getting thrown off the plane if you crumple of newspaper photo of Kim Jong Un, flight attendants speak only Korean, and, on some flights, condensation drops onto passengers. On the bright side, in-flight entertainment does not include recordings of Dennis Rodman singing Happy Birthday to the nation’s leader.

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    Everyone likes to laugh. Some of us even like to groan occasionally. Well, you've come to the right place. "On second thought" is a weekly feature I  produce for the Deseret News, available on Mondays. But here you can read them as I think of them.
      Oh yes, and if you've got something even funnier, post it in the comments. If I like it, I may use it.

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