| | "On Second Thought" is a weekly, lighthearted view of current events. Stadium of Fire generated some attention last week when organizers announced pop star Carly Rae Jepson will perform in Provo on the Fourth of July. Or at least she said she would return their calls … maybe. ❑ ❑ ❑ Aren’t you glad the annual show didn’t sign Psy, the other pop sensation of 2012? After dancing Gangnam Style all night, no one would have any energy left for fireworks. ❑ ❑ ❑ A new study found that adults are worse at texting and driving than teenagers. It’s true. I read it during a red light. ❑ ❑ ❑ Almost half the adults in the survey admitted to texting while driving, but they thought is was OK because they also were drunk. ❑ ❑ ❑ Federal budget cuts will lead to several U.S. airports losing their air traffic controllers. The FAA’s new slogan? “Coming in on a wing and a prayer.” ❑ ❑ ❑ Provo and Ogden are among the airports that will lose controllers. Actually, there is nothing to be worried about. Passengers will simply be asked to look out the window and report any suspicious flying objects nearby. ❑ ❑ ❑ President Obama last week urged Congress to take up immigration reform. Anything to avoid dealing with the budget. ❑ ❑ ❑ Actually, the president is set to release his own budget proposal soon, which he hopes Congress will pass. He would have better luck getting them fill out NIT brackets. ❑ ❑ ❑ The House and Senate both have passed separate budgets. Actually, they do have some things in common. Both are in English, and both use Arabic numerals. It’s just that one delves into the concept of negative numbers a bit more than the other. ❑ ❑ ❑ Pedro Quezada of New Jersey won the Powerball lottery last week, which entitled him to a lump sum check of $221 million. In a blink of an eye, he rocketed from a hard-working American immigrant to one of the hated 1 percent who needs to pay more in taxes. Jay Evensen is the associate editor of the Deseret News editorial page. Follow him on Twitter @jayevensen. |
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On Second Thought is a weekly feature that takes a lighthearted look at current events. Casual observers may wonder whether Americans are being redundant by designating a specific month for madness. First it was “fiscal cliff January,” then “sequestration February” and now “March madness.” I’m just hoping we’re still around for the dog days of summer. White House staffers reportedly had to convince the president he no longer needed to pick Ohio State or a Michigan school in his bracket in order to win votes. Some people say the NCAA basketball tournament unites the nation as no other event can. This is true. Just look at how people united last week to hate the Harvard team for ruining everyone’s brackets. Tired of trying to work out a budget deal between Republicans and Democrats, President Obama decided to take on something simpler last week — peace between Israelis and Palestinians. The president urged Israelis and Palestinians to return to negotiations with few, if any, pre-conditions, other than that the standard one that the rich need to pay more. Retired basketball star Dennis Rodman told a reporter last week that North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has a daughter — something previously unknown and possibly a state secret. So much for the plans to develop a nuclear missile that would kill all Americans except Rodman. Never trust a state secret to a guy who wears dresses and colors his hair before every game. Rodman visited the brutal dictator last month. "I love him," he said. "The guy's really awesome." He probably says that about all the despots. Word is the folks in Cyprus are trying to come up with a new cliché to replace, “You can bank on it.” Americans scoff at the Cypriot proposal to tax money held in bank savings accounts. In this country, as any politician knows, you grab the money before people have a chance to put it in the bank. Experts warned that Cyprus’ failed attempt to tax bank accounts might even keep Americans from depositing their hard-earned savings. Actually, microscopic interests rates have already accomplished that. Scientists say they have found evidence to support the theory that the universe was once smaller than an atom, but that it exploded and expanded in an instant. Kind of makes you wary of sitting next to an atom, or something smaller, during dinner, doesn’t it? Scientists call this sudden big bang “inflation,” because it’s so similar to what will happen one day if the government keeps pumping billions a month into Treasuries and mortgage backed securities. Gov. Gary Herbert vetoed a bill that would have made it legal to carry a concealed weapon in Utah without a permit. Easy for him to do, he has armed guards. All I can say is, if the Girl Scouts had been carrying concealed weapons last week, a thief never would have gotten away with stealing their money from a table outside a Wal-mart. On Second Thought is a weekly feature that takes a lighthearted look at current events.
The only unfortunate thing about the selection of the new Pope was that major networks called the results before all the Cardinals had a chance to vote. ❑ ❑ ❑ Google is testing a new smartphone interface called “Google Glasses.” Users would be able to see callers, browse the Internet or get interactive map directions by wearing these devices. You just know what’s coming after this — eye implants. If Apple gets hold of this, the iEye is just around the corner. ❑ ❑ ❑ Of course, that might be better than Googly Eyes. ❑ ❑ ❑ Paul Ryan came out with his latest budget proposal this week, which includes some interesting mathematical assumptions, such as that he and Mitt Romney actually won the election last November. ❑ ❑ ❑ A day later, Sen. Patty Murray, D-Wash, came out with the Democrats’ plan. It also makes interesting assumptions, such as that people can’t do simple math. ❑ ❑ ❑ Meanwhile, polls show most Americans are unconvinced that the automatic budgets cuts that kicked in this month will cause any pain. Shocked that ending public White House tours didn’t get his message across, the president settled on the nuclear option — taking Republicans out to dinner. ❑ ❑ ❑ Utah lawmakers adjourned last week after giving up hope of finding any Democrats. ❑ ❑ ❑ Actually, there were five Democrats in the Senate. The good news is they all could commute together each day in a compact car. ❑ ❑ ❑ Before adjourning, the Legislature passed a bill letting everyone in the state, and most domestic animals, carry concealed firearms. ❑ ❑ ❑ Lawmakers almost passed a bill to prohibit the feds from confiscating guns in Utah. They gave it up after realizing Washington doesn’t have change for a $20, let alone money to confiscate guns. ❑ ❑ ❑ Colorado’s Legislature, meanwhile, has passed new gun-control legislation. Ha! I guess we know who would win a war between the two states. ❑ ❑ ❑ A new report says Americans are drinking more water than soda pop, reversing a long trend and driving New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg crazy because he can’t take credit. On Second Thought is a weekly feature that takes a lighthearted look at current events. Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul held a good old-fashioned, speak-‘till-you’re-blue-in-the-face, 13-hour filibuster last week against the nomination of John Brennan to head the CIA. For future reference, making a politician speak until he drops is never a good idea. ❑ ❑ ❑ Paul’s filibuster demanded answers from the White House concerning whether drone strikes would be conducted against U.S. citizens in this country. Attorney General Eric Holder said he couldn’t imagine ever doing such a thing. However, as the filibuster dragged on he may have been asking military officials if it was feasible to fly a drone into the Senate Chamber. ❑ ❑ ❑ Senate pages, who had to cancel evening plans, may have been happy to operate the remote control. ❑ ❑ ❑ The old-fashioned filibuster is what made Jimmy Stewart famous in “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.” But it wouldn’t have been as dramatic if the movie had lasted 13 hours. ❑ ❑ ❑ The auto company KIA made folks in Provo excited last week as it unveiled an experimental prototype sports car it called “The Provo.” Turns out the Korean carmaker just wanted something short for “the provocative,” which hardly describes Utah County’s largest city. ❑ ❑ ❑ If the company had really named a model after Provo, Utah, it probably would be a minivan with peanut butter and soda stains already ground into the upholstery and cup holders. ❑ ❑ ❑ In a fit of common sense last week, the Transportation Safety Administration announced it will allow people to carry pocketknives aboard planes. They can even carry hockey sticks and mini baseball bats. With new protections in place, no one is going to bring down a plane with those things, officials said. Carry more than 3 ounces of water through security, however, and you’re going down. ❑ ❑ ❑ You may carry a pocketknife, but the TSA still plans to make you take off your shoes and your belt, just to prove who really has the power. ❑ ❑ ❑ Former TSA chief Kip Hawley told CNN he supports the new knife policy. He thinks it should go much further, allowing people to carry machetes and battleaxes onboard. My luck, the guy with those things would sit next to me. ❑ ❑ ❑ Hawley actually said those things, noting how hard it would be to hijack a plane with a battleax. That’s not the half of it. Imagine getting it to fit in the overhead bin or under the seat in front of you. ❑ ❑ ❑ A guy with a machete may not be able to take over the flight, but I’ll bet he gets to keep the whole soft drink can and gets extra peanuts if he wants. "On Second Thought" is a weekly feature that takes a lighthearted look at news of the day.
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Ha! Ha! Ha!Everyone likes to laugh. Some of us even like to groan occasionally. Well, you've come to the right place. "On second thought" is a weekly feature I produce for the Deseret News, available on Mondays. But here you can read them as I think of them. Archives
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