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On Second Thought for July 23, 2012

7/15/2012

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"On Second Thought" is a weekly feature in the Deseret News that takes a light-hearted look at current events.

Police say a man has been robbing banks in the West lately, using a note that says he has only four months to live. Faced with death, people often focus their priorities. In this case, the focus seems to be on $50s and $100s.
Maybe "rob banks" was the last check-off on his bucket list.
Or maybe he really has figured out a way to take it with him.
This is an interesting tactic. Perhaps he's playing the sympathy card, hoping banks will say, "Gee, let's let him take the money. Shouldn't his final months be spent amid jewels and fast cars?" But if he keeps doing this five months from now, we'll know he's dishonest.
Texas Gov. Rick Perry this week said he wants three things: President Obama to release his college transcripts, all candidates to become more transparent and Mitt Romney to ... to ... what was the third thing? Oops.
The Associated Press first reported that Gov. Perry wanted Romney to release more of his tax returns. Perry's staff quickly said that wasn't the case. Perry wants candidates to be transparent, not not if it hurts his own party.
Clearly, some former presidential candidates should be a bit less painfully transparent.
Police in England arrested a 17-year-old boy who tried to lunge at a person carrying the Olympic torch and steal it. Maybe he just wanted to light some briquettes for an evening barbecue.
Where would you put a stolen Olympic torch? In the back yard right next to your stolen jet plane, hijacked police car and original copy of The Scream?
The state of California has outlawed the sale of foie gras in restaurants. Some eateries, however, are offering it for free along with certain entrees. Is this what's known as "ducking" the law?
Of course, this strategy may not hold up in court. It's what is known as a "liver let die" attitude.

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On Second Thought

7/10/2012

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"On Second Thought" is a weekly feature in the Deseret News that takes a light-hearted look at current events.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un has gone and done it now. He used Disney characters in a giant production without getting permission. If he thought he had to fear attacks from Western powers, wait until Disney's lawyers get hold of him.
Actually, Goofy would make a pretty good mascot for North Korea's space program.
North Korean scientists have modest goals. They're hoping their next rocket goes higher than the winning pole vault at the London Olympics.
To mark the Supreme Court's decision to uphold the Affordable Care Act, several states have decided to not provide insurance exchanges and not expand Medicaid coverage, two key pillars of the law. The court decision gave states that ability. Obama must be thinking: With court victories like this, who needs defeats?
83 percent of doctors who returned a survey sent out by the Doctor Patient Medical Association said Obamacare is making them think about quitting. That wind you just heard was the collective gasp of golf course owners nationwide.
Utah Sen. Mike Lee took issue with HBO's new show "The Newsroom" for portraying him in an inaccurate light. Lee said HBO's co-president told him the show has fact-checkers, but some things apparently got by them. Lee, for example, did not blow up the Maine, break into the Watergate or sabotage Amelia Earhart's plane.
The House held its weekly vote the other day to repeal Obamacare. That's a good thing, because some of us were wondering how House Republicans really felt on the subject.
It was the 31st House vote to repeal Obamacare. You know what they say, you have to repeat things at least 31 times before people get the point.
Even Harold Stassen knew better than to keep up a hopeless cause that long.
A recent study by the Center For American Progress found that many grade school students think the work they are given is too easy. They also would like earlier bedtimes and more vegetables for dinner.
"I thought that I was a genius, as I could get A's without studying," one person wrote on a post USA Today created to talk about whether school is too easy. What does it mean for society to have a bunch of graduates who mistakenly think they’re geniuses? Well, for one thing we’ll have to dramatically expand Congress.
Apparently, partisan divisions in Congress have been solved. All it took was one look at the uniforms the U.S. Olympic team is preparing to wear in London. They were made in China.
Now we have gridlock of a different sort — a traffic jam of “uniformly” angry politicians trying to reach the microphone.

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On Second Thought for July 9, 2012

7/9/2012

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By Monday, you will know whether the latest Internet scam has thrown you back into the 1950s.
If so, enjoy the ride, and try not to give away all the I Love Lucy plots before people can see them.
Say what you want about the ‘50s, at least no one back then could devise something that would make all the typewriters stop working at once.

When Al Gore invented the Internet, you think he would have been more careful about security, maybe putting the key in a lock box.
Think politics is simple? Republicans were quick to jump all over President Obama after the Supreme Court said Obamacare raised taxes. But Mitt Romney’s adviser had to defend Obama because he didn’t want to concede Romney raised taxes with the same type of law in Massachusetts. Then finally, Romney admitted Obamacare does raise taxes after all. In plain English, if it isn’t a tax, you can’t make attacks.
So, does this mean Romney was in favor of the Obamacare tax before he was against it? Will John Kerry be his running mate?
The president, meanwhile, seems to act as if talking about health care is making him sick. “Let’s keep moving forward. Nothing to see here.”
And the latest unemployment report? “I said, just keep moving.“
Considering the state was one giant torch during the Fourth of July, “Stadium of Fire” seemed an unfortunate choice of a name.
“Stadium of cool water and refuge” may have been more appealing.
The annual fireworks extravaganza in Provo featured the Beach Boys. Perhaps a more appropriate choice would have been Earth, Wind and Fire.
After target shooters and people parking cars on grass started fires, Gov. Gary Herbert lamented there was no way to outlaw “stupid.” But then a fire near Alpine was started when a track hoe struck a rock. Face it, nobody in Utah should be allowed to move or touch anything for at least two months.
Meanwhile, the IOC announced it won’t make a bid for the 2022 Winter Olympics, ending Salt Lake City’s plans to be the host city that year. That’s too bad. The state seemed to be turning itself into one giant Olympic torch to plead its case.
Mayan calendars supposedly pinpoint the end of the world as Dec. 21 of this year. Coincidentally, the I-15 project in Utah County is scheduled for completion in December. Anyone want to lay odds on whether the freeway will be finished before the world ends?
I hope the state negotiated a clause that says it won’t have to pay contractors if the planet ceases to exist before work is done.
The Utah Judicial Council may soon rule that cameras should be allowed in state courtrooms. So much for that sketch artist’s degree you were working on.
If that rule passes, courts will have to schedule trials so they don’t compete head-to-head with Judge Judy.

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On Second Thought for July 23, 2012

On Second Thought

On Second Thought for July 9, 2012

Ha! Ha! Ha!

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