​A lighthearted look at news of the day 
 
How long will it be before coaches start announcing they will accept the outcome of the next game — so long as their team wins?
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The Ringling Brothers Circus has issued a plea to quit calling the current election and its candidates a “circus” and “clowns.” Apparently, doing so denigrates the real, legitimate circus. OK, fair enough. But can we just shoot a few of the candidates from a cannon, first?
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This year’s politics is so bad even the criminals dressing as clowns reportedly have been complaining.
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What’s next, the Department of Sanitation registering a grievance because the debates are giving real sewage a bad name?
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The circus is just the latest commercial venture to take offense at the election. Tic Tacs issued a statement after Donald Trump was heard dropping the product’s name on that infamous bus ride in 2005, and Donald Trump Jr., got Skittles riled up by using the candies to make a statement about refugees. One thing that cannot be said of this election is that it is a piece of cake.
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Next thing you know, donkeys and elephants will be suing for defamation.
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Frankly, the tone of the presidential debates has given Scholastic News Magazine’s quadrennial “mock election” a whole new meaning. The students taking part now think they have to judge the best mocking insults.
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Meanwhile, the winner of Wednesday’s final debate, Evan McMullin, is proving that the laws of mathematics are immutable. Two negatives really do make a positive.
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Actually, while McMullin may win Utah, he doesn’t have a chance of winning the White House. For one thing, Vladimir Putin doesn’t even know his email password.
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But Utah supposedly is a battleground state now. It is so much in play politically that Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton may actually look at it through the windows of their planes while flying to rallies in other states.
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Singer Bob Dylan has yet to formally comment on receiving the Nobel Prize for literature more than a week ago. At least, we think this is true. It’s hard to understand much of what he’s saying these days.
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Actually, Dylan was a great choice. Anyone who could write, “The times they are a changin’” 52 years ago has to know a thing or two about staying relevant.
 

​A lighthearted look at news of the day 
 
While campaigning for his wife last week, Bill Clinton called Obamacare, “The craziest thing in the world.” No doubt Hillary corrected him later. It’s only the second craziest thing, next to letting your husband go on the campaign trail.
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Bill Clinton said Obamacare hasn’t worked for small businesses or workers who earn too much to qualify for subsidies. He said, “There are problems with it, and everybody knows it.” Republicans are saying, “We should have nominated this guy instead of Trump.”
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Bill Clinton said Barack Obama deserves more credit for the economy. He said that when Obama took over, things were in bad shape, and “he had a Congress determined to derail everything he wanted to do.” That’s strange, considering Obama was elected in 2008 along with solid Democratic majorities in the House and Senate. With a husband like this, who needs a two-party system?
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If I’m understanding the Republican campaign correctly, Donald Trump says we shouldn’t worry that he hasn’t paid income tax for 18 years because that former Miss Universe contestant has put on a lot of weight.
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The vice presidential debate was held last week, or as many Americans called it, “The debate between the two guys we wish were running for president.”
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The United States has been beset by rumors of dangerous clowns roaming the streets. I hate copycat crimes. Everyone wants to act like the presidential candidates these days.
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Police are finding it difficult to track down the perpetrators of these crimes. The only description they have to work with is, “Some Bozo.”
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First, Yahoo! announced that 500 million accounts were hacked. Then it was revealed that Yahoo! has been scanning emails on behalf of the U.S. government. Couldn’t we just eliminate the middleman and have the government go after the hackers?
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In St. Louis, a 102-year-old woman was handcuffed and arrested. She hadn’t done anything wrong. She just wanted to check “get arrested” off her bucket list. She was released immediately. Apparently, “Make a shiv with my cellmate” was not on her list.”