Jay Evensen
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On Second Thought for July 29, 2019

7/26/2019

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A lighthearted look at the news of the day:
 
In retrospect, it may have been a bad idea to feed Robert Mueller a plate full of lemons for breakfast on the day of his congressional testimony.
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Robert  Mueller’s testimony last week was disastrous. The last thing Americans of all political stripes wanted was someone who looked like a professor telling them to read the book.
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We haven’t seen television this riveting since police chased O.J. Simpson at 10 mph down the freeway. At least then, everyone felt some sense of relief when it finally ended.
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Mueller said it may be possible to indict the president once he leaves office, which means President Trump will be holed up in the oval office for a while.
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Christmas came early in Washington this year. Everyone got what they wanted, the Grinch won’t stand in the way of the debt ceiling and none of the Whos in Whoville will have to worry about money again until after the election.
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If you ran your household the way both parties run Washington, you would open a home equity line of credit, run your credit cards past their limits, buy everything you and your spouse desire, tell the kids they will have to pay for everything eventually, then declare victory for everyone concerned and go on vacation.
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Oh, and then when the bills get out of hand, you could just print more money.
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The bipartisan budget deal would add a couple of trillion to the national debt, but think of all the frequent flyer miles we’ll rack up.
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Britain’s new prime minister is Boris Johnson. When you take him, North Korea’s Kim Jung-Un and President Trump, it adds up to one lousy time for the hairdressers of the world.
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To be fair, Boris Johnson’s hair looks like any of us would look with bed head … if we slept on a mattress made of steel wool. 
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Utah County is launching a new pilot project to let military vets vote from their smartphones. Is it really such a good idea for people to vote from their phones? Something tells me if we had done this a few years ago, “angry cat” might have been elected president.
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This week’s Darwin Award goes to a young man in Herriman who chose the exact moment a police cruiser drove up to light fireworks in a restricted area. The launching device tipped over, shooting an explosive into the grill of the cruiser, then another into a field, igniting a fire. Timing, as they say, is everything.
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On Second Thought for July 22, 2019

7/25/2019

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A lighthearted look at the news of the day:
 
Americans spend about $8 billion a year on cosmetics, and nearly $17 billion on cosmetic surgeries, mostly to make themselves look younger. Then as soon as someone comes up with an app that shows how they will look when old and withered, they flock to it.
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FaceApp is a popular new phone application that will show you how you might look years from now. Curiously, not many people over 60 are using it. They already have the before and after photos.
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FaceApp also is owned by a Russian company. Critics warn it may do more than just age the photos in your phone. It may be part of a larger plot to destroy the country. But who cares about that when we’re having so much fun?
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The Berkeley City Council decided to rewrite the English language last week, removing all references to gender. Manholes now are “maintenance holes.” Manmade is “artificial.” He and she are to be replaced with the oddly plural “they.” All I can say is, person oh person, what a theystoric decision!
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Last Saturday marked the 50th anniversary of the day every complaint about an inferior product or service would forever more begin with, “We can put a man on the moon, but …”
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Also, this is the day, 172 years ago, when pioneers first entered the Salt Lake Valley and heard those famous words, “If we could just get one more good free agent, this is the place of a future NBA championship.”
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The U.S. military claimed it shot down an Iranian drone in the Strait of Hormuz last week, not too many days after Iran shot down a U.S. drone. The American drone was a sophisticated and expensive piece of equipment. Iran, on the other hand, was irritated to lose its drone so soon after Prime day had ended.
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Not only that, it’s irritating to have to keep asking the Ayatollah for his Amazon password.

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On Second Thought for July 15, 2019

7/12/2019

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A lighthearted look at the news of the day:
 
The U.S. women’s soccer team was criticized because Alex Morgan pantomimed sipping a cup of tea after scoring a goal against the British team, which was seen by some as making fun of British culture. The British team could have reacted in kind against American culture, but it would have taken too long to pantomime eating a burger, fries and a stack of bacon.
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The first round of debates among Democratic presidential candidates gave Americans an in depth 10-second look at each one. To be fair, that’s more time than Americans gave “The Alec Baldwin Show” on ABC.
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Some parents are hiring coaches to teach their families how to stop using mobile phones so much. One such coach explained her strategy to the New York Times. “Is there a ball somewhere? Throw the ball.” A network of such coaches charges up to $250 an hour to parents in large cities. They probably take Venmo, if you want to pay through your, um, phone.
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It’s not fair to compare generations, but somehow, I can’t imagine my parents paying several times the price of a television set to teach them how to get me to stop watching TV so much.
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The president held a summit last week to look at unfair practices by social media companies against conservative voices. He said the “fake news” media would be invited to part of the event. But some news outlets said the guest list included people who post actual fake news, including a guy who tweeted a doctored video that seemed to show Joe Biden getting a shoulder massage. l’m guessing whoever was invited to provide music for this event had to just hum a few bars and fake it.


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