Jay Evensen
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On Second Thought for March 26, 2019

3/22/2019

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A lighthearted look at the news of the day:


Ah, spring! The sound of birds chirping, the tiny green buds struggling up from brown earth, the gurgling of contaminated water in Sandy.
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It’s time for March Madness — trying to guess who the president will insult next, and whether that person will be dead or alive.
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We’ve already seen some dramatic plays. President Trump committed an offensive foul when he called the husband of his counselor, Kellyanne Conway, a “stone cold loser and husband from (down under — and I don’t mean Australia). But then Conway dribbled off her foot on the next play when she said, “[The president] is protective of me, that’s what people really should take from this.”
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Meanwhile, Senate staffers confirmed last week that, contrary to insults and rumors, John McCain is unable to carry the ball, or cast any more votes, from where he currently resides.
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March Madness is also a good time to ponder how some wealthy parents apparently have been paying lots of money to have their children admitted to prestigious universities, when all those kids had to do was be really good at basketball.
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Meanwhile, a lot of people are picking Duke to win it all this year, while others are concerned about star player Zion Willamson, wondering when the other shoe is going to drop.
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Levi's CEO Chip Bergh told CNN last week he has yet to wash a 10-year-old pair of 501 jeans he owns. His strategy may be to keep stockholders at bay, but millions of viewers were just glad no one has yet invented smell-a-vision.
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Bergh also debunked the idea that you can clean a pair of jeans by putting them in the freezer. This, apparently, does not kill germs. It does, however, make getting dressed in the morning an eye-opening experience.

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On Second Thought for March 18, 2019

3/15/2019

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A lighthearted look at news of the day:


The most reassuring sign of spring? It’s when you say something at the Utah State Capitol and your voice echoes through an empty building.
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State lawmakers ended their annual 45-day session last week. I love the traditions this time of year. I get goosebumps when the final gavel is struck and the mayor of Salt Lake City files her first lawsuit of the spring against the Legislature.
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Mayor Jackie Biskupski has sued over the Legislature’s creation of an inland port within city limits, saying, “We want to go to battle and get our rights back.” Supporters of Medicaid expansion and a host of other issues responded by saying, “Take a number and get in line.”
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Actually, Utah lawmakers had a fairly quiet session. They did respond to three recently successful voter initiatives by passing a few new common-sense rules. From now on, you have to prove an initiative can pay for itself, the initiative can’t take effect until 60 days after the next legislative session and supporters have to conduct public hearings entirely in iambic pentameter.
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If people had celebrated Pi Day with real pies when I was a kid, I might have pursued a career in math.
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This is that great time of year when we go from the Super Bowl to Pi Day to St. Patrick’s Day to Star Wars Day on May 4 to Cinco de Mayo and straight on to National Obesity Awareness Week.
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Actually, Obesity Week comes early in January, under the mistaken premise that Americans overeat only during the holidays.
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If Americans only could think of a way to associate Memorial Day with food, the calendar would be perfected.
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It’s a bit confusing to have the final days of the Utah Legislature and March Madness selection Sunday so close together. I filled out my bracket and accidently picked tax reform to be in the Final Four.


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On Second Thought for March 11, 2019

3/8/2019

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A lighthearted look at news of the day:


North Korea just released a documentary that characterizes Kim Jong Un’s performance at the recent summit with President Trump as "yet another meaningful incident on the issue of world peace." That’s pretty much true, except for the part about it being a total failure that resulted in no agreement whatsoever.
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The summit was so successful that Kim apparently has begun ramping up North Korea’s nuclear weapons programs again. Maybe a future documentary could describe how Kim’s tough negotiating skills won him the right to do this in exchange for keeping sanctions in place against his country.
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While we’re on the subject of films, a new Chinese movie, “The wandering earth,” has Chinese astronauts and truckers saving the earth from a fading sun. Apparently, the Chinese are tired of movies showing Americans always saving the planet. Meanwhile, the actual planet could use fewer movies and more actual negotiating, but no one would buy overpriced popcorn to watch that.
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A man in Georgia is accused of locking his family in a house and setting it on fire after an argument over a box of Cheez-Its. The family made it out OK, although mom had to be lifted down from a second-story window. This gives new meaning to Cheez-Its’ new “Snap’d” variety.
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Last month, a woman in Kentucky told her husband she wished he would give her something for Valentine’s Day that would last, such as tulips that would come back each year. So her husband, desperately trying to remember what she had said, surprised her on the big day with turnips, stacked in a bucket that said, “I love you.” The fact that this became a news story tells you all you need to know about how that turned out.
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That’s one husband who no longer can say he didn’t fall off the turnip truck yesterday.
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Meanwhile, millions of American husbands are grateful to the “turnip guy” for making their mistakes on Valentine’s Day look minor.   
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With only three days left in their 2019 session, Utah’s lawmakers have turned their attention to regulating e-cigarettes. That’s fitting, seeing as how their efforts at tax reform went up in smoke.



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