A lighthearted look at news of the day:

Last week the nation celebrated National Punctuation Day which was a great idea I think don’t you

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The only problem with National Punctuation Day is that it’s too hard to abbreviate on Twitter.

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Attorney General Eric Holder resigned last week. I won’t say news travels fast in Washington, but before Holder could tell his staff, they already had overheard it on those Associated Press phones they are wiretapping.

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President Obama took some heat on social media last week for returning the salutes of two Marines stationed outside his helicopter with a coffee cup in his hand. In his defense, however, the president was tired after spending a long night running around the White House making sure all the doors were locked.

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A 42-year-old man somehow managed to climb over the White House fence along Pennsylvania Avenue and walk through the unlocked front door before being subdued. Secret Service officials now have instituted safeguards to make sure future intruders will have to ring the doorbell.

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According to the Washington Post, the White House intruder said he was worried the “atmosphere was collapsing,” and he wanted the president to tell the public. And no, his name is not Al Gore.

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Just think how embarrassed the Secret Service would feel if the atmosphere really did collapse.

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While Secret Service agents were investigating the breach, it happened again. Someone else tried to enter the White House grounds. Maybe the problem is the WhiteHouse looks so much like all the other homes in the neighborhood, and people get confused.

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Utah lawmakers recently held a hearing on the question of whether local police departments need surplus military equipment. Box Elder County’s sheriff’s office, for example, now owns a grenade launcher. No one seems sure why thecounty needs this, but youngsters up there might want to think twice beforedoing any late-night cow tipping.

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Of course, resourceful cow tippers might find a few “grenades” of their own to use for return fire.

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One thing is for sure — Idaho had better not even think about invading Northern Utah.

A lighthearted look at news of the day:

The NFL announced this week that one of its players, a little known special teams member in Jacksonville, has not been accused of committing a crime.

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Minnesota Vikings officials last week announced they had made a mistake by saying star running back Adrian Peterson would play in the team’s next game. It’s understandable. Coaches thought they heard he fell on a knee, not that he was charged with a felony.

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The Vikings were all set to play Peterson again, until Budweiser’s Mayor of Whatever, USA, decided it was a bad idea.

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The NFL has to get this right. It has an enormous influence on society. For example, if the latest sanctions don’t keep Vladimir Putin out of Ukraine, President Obama is thinking about suspending him for two games.

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Apple recently decided to give all half-a-billion iTunes subscribers a free album by the group U2. This created a lot of confusion, as well as confusing sentences, such as, “I just got a free album from some group, you too?”

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Apple’s music giveaway made a lot of people unhappy. That makes sense, because most of us have been warned about geeks bearing gifts.

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 Utah lawmakers are thinking about requiring all students to pass a citizenship test before graduating from high school. But the test is meaningless, because those who fail would not have their citizenship revoked, while the students who are illegal aliens could pass it and still not become citizens.

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If lawmakers had any guts, they would require every elected legislator to pass the test before being allowed to assume office.

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Some of the questions are difficult, such as, “Who becomes president if both the president and vice president die?” (Hint: It’s not Alexander Haig.) (Second hint: It’s not anyone on Saturday Night Live, either.)

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Another question: What is the bill of rights? A better question is how much is it and who has to pay?

A lighthearted look at news of the day:

President Obama has said the U.S. military will not become Iraq’s air force. Instead, it will just fly aircraft throughout the Middle East, battling Iraq’s enemies and protecting its borders.

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The U.S. isn’t Iraq’s air force kind of in the way Iraqis are not America’s taxi drivers.

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In 2007, Obama said a president could not authorize a military attack without congressional approval unless there was an imminent threat to the nation. Now he says he is going to use the authorization Congress gave George W. Bush in 2001 to launch attacks on the group known as the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria. Maybe it all depends on what the definition of “is” is.

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In order to defeat ISIS, the United States has been forced to elicit help from Iran. If the two countries had a Facebook page, their relationship status would be, “It’s really complicated.”

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If the latest round of sanctions don’t keep Russia out of Ukraine, President Obama has vowed to force Vladimir Putin to sell his NBA team.

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Scientists say the hole in the ozone layer is beginning to close. That’s the good news. The bad news is it is closing, in part, because of the greenhouse gasses that are causing global warming. This is a conundrum that might leave even Al Gore speechless.

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The other unfortunate irony is that ISIS holds the only solution to both ozone depletion and global warming, which is to annihilate all modern civilization.

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A truck accident in San Diego last week led to thousands of oranges being spilled and broken on the highway. I’m surprised this didn’t get more live coverage. The last time OJ rolled slowly down a California highway, the nation was spellbound.

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Meanwhile, over at NFL headquarters, the league that instantly scrutinizes replays of controversial plays dozens of times a week is trying to explain why it took several months to look at a video showing a star player violently attacking his fiancé. Upon further review, some heads may have to roll.

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Apple unveiled a new iPhone last week. Company officials should have called it the Geezer Phone. It’s bigger than the previous version because most of us can’t see the smaller type any more and we’re wearing bigger pants with pockets large enough to store the thing.

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The new iPhone has an Apple Pay function, allowing users to spend more of the money they don’t have for things they don’t need.