Jay Evensen
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On Second Thought for Aug. 31, 2015

8/28/2015

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A lighthearted look at news of the day:

The Los Angeles Department of Water and Power decided to dump millions of little black rubber balls into a reservoir as a way of coping with the drought. It worked. Now, instead of worrying about the drought, folks in L.A. are worried about what to do with millions of little black balls in their water supply.

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Stephen Hawking is said to be close to solving the “information paradox.” Unfortunately, this has to do with black holes in outer space, not explaining why Donald Trump keeps leading the polls despite the things he says.

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Donald Trump recently had a Latino reporter removed from a press conference. The reporter later returned to the meeting, which might give Trump an idea how well his deportation plans would work.

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Meanwhile, Vice President Joe Biden is considering a run for the Democratic nomination. Just imagine a Biden-Trump race in 2016. Somewhere, Pat Paulsen is lamenting that he was born too soon.

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A new Quinnipiac poll found most people associate the word “liar” with Hillary Clinton and “arrogant” with Donald Trump (followed closely by “blowhard” and “idiot”). When they think of Jeb Bush, the word that most comes to mind is “bush,” as in, “a liar or blowhard in the hand might be better than another bush.”

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That’s what you get for being the candidate who hasn’t tried to erase emails or make outrageous statements. People equate you with a potted plant.

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Burger King has challenged McDonald’s to help it build a new sandwich called the McWhopper. I can see the slogan now: “After eating one of these, you won’t have the heart to eat another.”

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Burger King floated the joint burger idea as a type of ceasefire in the burger wars in honor of international Peace Day on Sept. 21. I think it’s a great idea. Get enough people in the world to eat nothing but McWhoppers and no one will have the energy to wage war.

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China’s stock market lost 8 percent in one day recently, or as Greece would call it, a better day than usual.

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Residents of a Provo neighborhood say they’re tired of chasing pigs, turkeys and chickens that regularly escape from a nearby farm. That ought to provide a good story for an enterprising reporter in search of a pullet surprise.

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On Second Thought for Aug. 24, 2015

8/21/2015

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A lighthearted look at news of the day:

North Korea recently decided to set its clocks back a half-hour. Well, technically Kim Jong Un has set them back seven centuries and a half hour.

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Kim can set the clocks any way he wants. That’s the advantage you have when no one in your country can afford a watch.

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Of course, Nepal is only 15 minutes ahead of India. That’s about enough time for a catnap, or as they say in Nepal, a Kathmandu nap.

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Utahns should remember these things the next time they complain about daylight saving time.

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Two professors in Canada created a hitchhiking robot, known as Hitchbot, as a social experiment. It successfully made its way across Canada, Germany and the Netherlands, then decided to see America. It got as far as Philadelphia before ending up smashed to pieces. It’s really not all as senseless as you might think. Rumor was the robot was getting ready to announce his candidacy for the Republican nomination.

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Donald Trump is reportedly dead set against robots coming here and taking rides away from our own hitchhikers.

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Actually, a robot for president isn’t a bad idea. Aides would have an easy time keeping him updated, and he could delete his own emails.

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Before coming to Philadelphia, Hitchbot had attended a Red Sox game in Boston without any incident. That’s understandable. The Red Sox haven’t been able to hit much of anything this year.

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The Utah Legislature decided last week to build a new prison just west of Salt Lake International Airport. Construction may take place roughly the same time as the airport is being rebuilt. I hope the two don’t get mixed up. It would be inconvenient to have to take your shoes off before entering the prison.

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Officials in Washington State say the number of drivers in accidents testing positive for marijuana doubled in the year after the drug became legal there. In response, Washingtonians were heard to say, “Wow, dude, I’ve got the munchies.”

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Idaho, meanwhile, had to remove its “420” mile marker signs on highways and replace them with ones that say 419.9. Stoners apparently kept stealing them because 420 has significance among marijuana users. You think that’s bad. Wait until aging Dr. Pepper fans start stealing all the 10, 2 and 4s.

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    Everyone likes to laugh. Some of us even like to groan occasionally. Well, you've come to the right place. "On second thought" is a weekly feature I  produce for the Deseret News, available on Mondays. But here you can read them as I think of them.
      Oh yes, and if you've got something even funnier, post it in the comments. If I like it, I may use it.

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