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A lighthearted look at news of the day
I had a strange dream last week. It seemed President Trump decided to fire the FBI director for the way he handled the Clinton email scandal, and Democrats who had been urging Trump to do this were outraged. Crazy, right? I'll have to watch what I eat before going to bed. --- Or maybe we'll all have to watch what we eat before reading the news. --- Admit it, last fall you would have jumped at a chance to bet against someone who said Donald Trump would fire FBI Director James Comey for the way he handled the Clinton email scandal. But first you would have jumped at the chance to bet against someone who said Trump would be elected. --- With everything going on in Washington right now, no one should be surprised the Barnum and Bailey Circus had to shut down. This stuff is free, folks. Dancing elephants and donkeys! The only problem is no one ever comes along at the end of the day to sweep the … you know … into the garbage. --- Efforts to change Obamacare won't make much difference. Whatever Congress has, it's definitely a pre-existing condition. --- Asked if Comey's firing had anything to do with an ongoing investigation into the Trump administration, the president reportedly said, "Nyet!" --- Meanwhile, in news that makes much more sense, Vladimir Putin scored seven goals in an exhibition hockey game last week. The opposing goalie employed what is known as the BeeGees defense ("Stayin' alive, stayin' alive"). --- At the game, Putin reacted incredulously when a reporter asked him for his reaction to Comey's firing. "Your question looks very funny for me," he said through a translator. Yes, why not focus on things that are real, like the 64-year-old Russian leader's prowess on the ice? A lighthearted look at news of the day
Last week marked one of the greatest combinations of holiday celebrations on the calendar. It started with Star Wars day, as in "May the Fourth be with you." That was followed by Cinco de Mayo, the great Mexican holiday only Americans celebrate. May 6th now is a follow-up Star Wars celebration, as in "Revenge of the Sixth." That is followed, naturally, by May 7, better known as Montezuma's Revenge, because of all the junk you've been eating. --- May 8th would be national regret day, as in, "We regret Congress just repealed Obamacare, because now our overeating might be considered a pre-existing condition." --- Or it could be Guardians of the Galaxy Day, in which fictional heroes save us from deficit spending while putting a cork in North Korea's nuclear arsenal. --- Speaking of which, North Korea last week issued a statement highly critical of its only ally, China. That's kind of like an unpopular kid who has no friends and is flunking out of school threatening to rip up the checks his parents are sending. --- Meanwhile, President Trump said he would be honored to meet with Kim Jong Un "under the right circumstances." White House spokesman Sean Spicer called Kim a "smart cookie." Who is the administration's new foreign policy advisor, Dennis Rodman? --- Officials in India recently discovered a 10- to 12-year-old girl living among, and apparently having been raised by, monkeys. It could have been worse. The monkeys seemed to be treating her well, and they never posted anything bad about her on social media. The only thing more cruel than forcing her to join "civilization" would be to make her go there on United. --- American Airlines' apparent response to recent cases of customer abuse was to announce it is cutting legroom on certain flights. Reportedly, a special section near the back will be so tight it will be reserved only for contortionists and the double-jointed. --- The House finally passed a bill last week that repeals much of Obamacare. An anxious American public tried to ignore this. At least, they tried not to worry themselves sick about it. |
Ha! Ha! Ha!Everyone likes to laugh. Some of us even like to groan occasionally. Well, you've come to the right place. "On second thought" is a weekly feature I produce for the Deseret News, available on Mondays. But here you can read them as I think of them. Archives
February 2020
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