A lighthearted look at news of the day:

Welcome to the season when Utahns prove their patriotism by setting fire to their neighborhoods.
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This year, the Legislature made it harder for cities to outlaw fireworks, just in case someone gets the subversive notion to protect the public.
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You just know one person was cheering the Supreme Court for making all those controversial decisions last week — Edward Snowden. Once the court ruled on the Defense of Marriage Act, he could have walked right down Pennsylvania Avenue without attracting attention.
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Russian President Vladimir Putin said Snowden is in the transit zone at Moscow’s airport. No word on whether he has endless free vouchers for the food court.
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If he does, he could earn money by making a sequel to “Supersize me.” U.S. authorities should let him stay there awhile, then they could more easily track him through satellites.
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Putin said Russia never worked with Snowden and isn’t planning to work with him. I’m guessing a lot depends on your definition of work. Emptying your pockets of secret information isn’t exactly something you can charge for by the hour.
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If Snowden’s reward for leaking sensitive government information is to spend the rest of his life in an airport, don’t expect to see a lot of whistle blowers at the NSA any time soon.
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That’s not to say Adam Zimmerman wasn’t grateful, as well, to be taken from the front page, at least momentarily. Given America’s short attention span, lots of people already are saying, “Wait, isn’t he that guy from Men’s Wearhouse?”
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President Obama was also grateful, as hardly anyone noticed when he gave environmentalists a summertime Christmas present by imposing energy measures through executive order.
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Speaking of Christmas, it apparently would be ironic to give the president a lump of coal in his stocking this year.
Jay Evensen is the associate editor of the Deseret News editorial page. Follow him on Twitter @jayevensen.

A lighthearted look at news of the day:

The U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that companies may not patent genes. You just know someone at Levi Strauss heard that news on the radio and panicked.
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Meanwhile, the court also struck down an Arizona law that required people to prove their citizenship when registering to vote. People in Chicago were relieved. If the Arizona law caught on, they would face the challenge of proving the citizenship of dead voters.
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The American Medical Association now says obesity should be classified as a disease. Does this mean it’s OK to call in sick because you feel fat?
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“Please excuse Mary from school today. She had too many ice cream sundaes last night and needs bed rest until she can fit into her school clothes again.”
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I can never remember, is it feed a cold, starve obesity, or the other way around?
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Meanwhile, people with excessive credit card debt might want to lobby the AMA to get their own disease designation. The only problem with that is it could lead to the entire U.S. Congress receiving paid sick leave.
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President Obama’s approval ratings have plummeted in recent weeks. Thanks to the NSA, however, he has the ability to track down everyone who disapproves of him and engage them in a little re-education.
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An impeachment proceeding can be defined as an investigation to determine whether formal allegations should be presented to the state Senate for trial. Last week, Utah Republicans met and decided that, instead of impeachment proceedings against Attorney General John Swallow, they would open an investigation to see whether formal allegations should be presented to the state Senate for trial.
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Swallow, who had opposed impeachment, praised this decision. And you thought politics was hard to understand.

On Second Thought is a lighthearted look at news of the day:

Utah Gov. Gary Herbert said last week that if Attorney General John Swallow were working for him, he’d be fired. Then he said he wasn’t calling for Swallow to resign. If Swallow ever seeks re-election, expect him to use only the second part of that statement in his ads.
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The Labor Department says more Americans are quitting their jobs, which it said is a good sign for the economy. No word yet on whether John Swallow wants to help the economy even more.
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President Obama hosted the Chinese leader last week, making sure the Chinese are still willing to make the federal government’s monthly credit card payments.
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Meanwhile, somewhere in an undisclosed hideout, the meeting of the secret society of government secret-stealers is about to come to order, Daniel Ellsberg presiding.
Ellsberg: We note the excused absence of Pfc. Bradley Manning. We’d also like to welcome our newest member, Edward Snowden!
Snowden: Thank you.
Julian Assange: Welcome, although I knew you’d be here.
Snowden: How’s that?
Assange: I took the liberty of stealing your diary and posting it online this morning.
Snowden: Oh really? Well, maybe you’d like to know what the NSA recorded you saying in a telephone call with a certain Swedish woman.
Ellsberg: Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Why must this always happen?
Snowden: So, who gave the Atlantic those pictures of me as a teenager?
Ellsberg: I don’t know, but now I believe that clearly some things ought to remain secret.
(Enter Chinese leader Xi Jinping)
All: What are you doing here?
Xi: You guys are easy to find. We hacked into the IRS, which gave us Snowden’s Social Security number, which helped us track his calls through the NSA, which helped us get his VISA card number, which let us trail him to the convenience store down the street. A breakfast burrito? Really?
All: (laughter)
Xi: There’s only one problem.
All: What?
Xi: Once we hacked into the IRS, the tea party was on to us. They followed me and are waiting outside, wondering if we will let them join.
Jay Evensen is the associate editor of the Deseret News editorial page. Follow him on Twitter @jayevensen.

one toddler who learned to play ball at a terrorist camp in Pakistan.
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Of course, most other people on a plane with a toddler wish he would be part of a sleeper cell, at least for the duration of the flight.
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So now it turns out that guy wandering through television commercials with a Verizon phone repeating, “Can you hear me now?” was really a government agent.
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The National Security Agency has records of every Verizon call. That’s sort of creepy. How can you tell the spies from the regular folks that are a part of the network following you around?
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Remember the good old days when spies actually gathered intelligence on people outside the nation’s borders? Now it appears the Chinese who are spying on us probably knew we were spying on us before we did.
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As the NSA scandal unfolds, it’s apparent that Americans will have to rewrite some of their historic and cultural references. Here are some suggested updates:
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• “Ask not what your country can do for you; we won’t give back your phone records.”
• “Speak softly and carry a big case that won’t let you accidentally pocket dial Pakistan.”
• “Some men see things as they are and say why; I dream things that never were and say, ‘I hope Washington can’t wiretap my thoughts!’”
• “We have nothing to fear but fear itself. But, just to be safe, we’ll send a letter rather than call.”
• “From the halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli, if you’re visiting these countries, do not place a call to me.”
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The administration said it is necessary to spy on Americans in order to protect national security. That’s different from how the Soviets used to operate because we get to vote now and then; also, we have the Super Bowl.
Jay Evensen is the associate editor of the Deseret News editorial page. Follow him on Twitter @jayevensen.