A lighthearted look at news of the day:

We’ve got this all wrong. We should be letting people who have been in West Africa roam free and quarantine the politicians.

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Kaci Hickox, a nurse who had been to West Africa, defied authorities in Maine last week and went for a bike ride, all the while being followed by media and health officials who wanted to be the first to be infected should she exhibit symptoms of Ebola.

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You can’t blame Hickox. Nothing is more relaxing than a bike ride through rural Maine with a police car and a contingent of reporters.

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Maine officials are seeking a court order to have Hickox quarantined. She hired a civil rights attorney to fight for the right to roam freely. Unfortunately, the Ebola virus doesn’t have the patience to wait for this to wind its way through the court system.

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The White House says someone hacked into the administration’s computers. No one knows for sure who did it, but officials might want to be on the lookout for a shirtless Russian leader trying to make purchases on a credit card with Barack Obama’s name on it.

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The president knew something was up when he noticed a new high score on his World of Warcraft game.

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Speaking of computers, Microsoft founder Bill Gates has announced he will turn his attention to fighting Ebola in Africa. In response, West Africa just came out with Ebola 2.0.

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Democrats are busy drawing attention to how the nation’s unemployment rate is dropping. It’s probably not a good sign for them that they seem so suddenly obsessed with unemployment.

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I wouldn’t say the president is pessimistic about Tuesday, but rumor has it the White House has been ordering extra heavy-duty veto pens off Amazon.

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If they win, Republicans plan to keep sending repeals of Obamacare to his desk in hopes that one day, by accident, he’ll sign on the wrong line.

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Meanwhile, Capitol police are getting ready to restripe the roads around Washington so they allow right turns only.

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Cosmopolitan magazine has a unique way of encouraging young ladies at North Carolina State University to vote Tuesday. The school won a contest, so the magazine will take young ladies to the polls on busses loaded with snacks, prizes and shirtless male models. In the true spirit of democracy, they ought to switch the models with men chosen at random from the nearest Walmart.

A lighthearted look at news of the day:

Oklahoma Sen. Tom Coburn revealed last week that the government spent $331,000 to study whether people become cranky when they are hungry. The conclusion was yes, but not as cranky as when they learn they spent a lot of money for a silly study and got no food in return.

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Coburn, who annually publishes a book outlining federal waste, also said the government spent $856,000 on a project that involved putting mountain lions on treadmills. I’m guessing that made them cranky, too.

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Another government project involved $171,000 to watch monkeys gamble. Turns out they’re not very good at keeping poker faces.

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To show you how stupid the monkeys were, they kept putting money on the Raiders to make it to this year’s Super Bowl.

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If the U.S. doesn’t see many new cases soon, the newly created job of Ebola Czar will be a pretty nice gig. I hope it comes with decent health care.

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Three teenage girls from Colorado were arrested last week while apparently trying to join Islamic State militants. The terrorists have a cunning recruiting strategy, promising teens they will never be nagged to clean their rooms.

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President Obama got a lot of attention while voting early last week because a man teasingly told him to stay away from his girlfriend, who was voting at an adjacent machine. The president had a snappy reply ready to go. That’s not surprising. He’s gotten used to Democrats telling him to stay away from their candidates for several weeks now.

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Italy’s Institute for Mummies and Icemen has done a virtual autopsy of the remains of the ancient Egyptian King Tutankhamun and determined he had a severely deformed left foot, requiring him to use a crutch to get around. All this makes me think, they have an Institute for Mummies and Icemen in Italy? Where is Sen. Tom Coburn when we need him?

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Yet another person has jumped the White House fence in an effort to get in. Given the president’s current approval rating, you would think these people would run headlong into people trying to jump the fence to get out of the White House.

A lighthearted look at news of the day:

In light of the Ebola scare, U.S. airports have begun screening passengers for fevers. In other words, if you’re flying, you might not want to look too hot.

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Speaking of keeping your cool, just wait until flu season kicks in and kids start showing up to school with fevers. Drugs stores should be advertising flu shots as a way to keep your house from being quarantined and your neighbors from having to evacuate.

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We ought to put all contagious Ebola patients under the care of the Secret Service. Apparently, they can’t catch anything.

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A still-working vintage Apple computer built by Steve Wozniak in Steve Jobs’ garage in 1976 is expected to fetch up to a half-million dollars at auction. It’s not worth the price, though, because it doesn’t come with free tech support.

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The worst part is, after spending $500,000, you still have to pay extra for a copy of Word.

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Ah, 1976. Those were the days. Apparently, one of the challenges Wozniak and Jobs had back then was pioneering the art of ignoring emails from Third World countries telling them they were entitled to millions of dollars in unclaimed funds.

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Last week a lunar eclipse led to a blood moon. This means the moon appeared to be red, which also could be described as a Republican dream involving the creation a lunar 51st state.

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Two years ago, Newt Gingrich said he wanted the moon to become a state. That was refreshing. Public officials make those kinds of suggestions only once in a blue … er … never mind.

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Most young people were unimpressed by the blood moon. After all, with a couple of mouse clicks they can make the moon any color you’d like.

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No one has seen North Korean leader Kim Jong Un for about a month now. A source within the government said the leader is nursing a leg he injured while participating in military drills during a routine inspection. Kim is still firmly in control of the country, the source said, adding that people should ignore the gun being held to his head.

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The spokesman said Kim hurt himself because he is overweight. Look for a correction to come soon, from a new spokesman, saying Kim actually has extremely large and well-developed stomach muscles.