Jay Evensen
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On Second Thought for Oct. 30, 2017

10/30/2017

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A lighthearted look at news of the day  
 
Tomorrow is that rare day when Americans can rest assured that at least some of the scary things in life are just hiding the adorable faces of smiling children who want candy. 
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Xi Jinping was re-affirmed as China's president last week and had his own political philosophy added to the Chinese constitution. It was a great honor that put him almost on a level with Mao Tse Tung. Some analysts are calling him the most powerful leader in the world, which clearly is another blow to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.   
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NFL TV ratings are off more by more than 3 million viewers over the last two years, and photos of nearly empty stadiums are making the rounds on social media. In China, people get paid to be part of studio audiences at popular shows, displaying the proper emotions and reacting with enthusiasm. Just saying — there are ways Goodell could make it into our Constitution yet, and maybe save the Cleveland Browns at the same time. 
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Meanwhile, in another sport, Cubs fans have begun the countdown to their next World Series title in 2124. 
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The only question left for Cubs fans — who last year celebrated their team's first championship since 1908 — is which ridiculous and random stadium event they should turn into a curse that explains futility. 
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Last week in Washington was just more business as usual, with partisan bickering getting in the way of any real solutions — and I'm just talking about Republicans attacking the Republican president. 
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#alterthedaycarestaff became a trending hashtag after Sen. Bob Corker, R-Tenn., used it to get back at Trump for, among other things, tweeting that he was an incompetent head of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. Meanwhile, frustrated Democrats are thinking of suing the GOP for stealing their best lines. 
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President Trump last week allowed the release of thousands of documents related to the assassination of John F. Kennedy nearly 54 years ago. Unfortunately for the president, those files clearly show Ted Cruz' father had been temporarily abducted by aliens at the time. 
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On Second Thought for Oct. 16, 2017

10/18/2017

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A lighthearted look at news of the day  
We interrupt the steady stream of entertainment featuring sex, violence and profanity on television and at the movies to give you this shocking news — a famous Hollywood producer has been accused of sexually harassing women. 
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In other shocking news, some NFL players were injured on the field last week. 
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Sure, it took a while for Hollywood to get angry and outraged over Harvey Weinstein's alleged behavior. But some TV shows were making jokes about it years ago and, after all, it's not like he was a political conservative or religious or anything like that. 
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Hollywood is reportedly working on a new industry code of ethics. Sexual harassment and explicit behavior will not be tolerated unless it is written into the script. 
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The Trump administration has announced it is suspending visas from Turkey. Millions of Americans suddenly started worrying they won't have anything to eat on Thanksgiving. 
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Americans are rallying behind President Trump now that he's finally taking on his political enemies — Republicans in Congress. 
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Republican Sen. Bob Corker called the White House an "adult day care center." The president responded by explaining Corker should be made fun of because he's short. Apparently, it's not easy to tell tall tales about Bob Corker. 
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As Harry Truman once said about the White House, "The buck stops here." Given the need for party unity to enact a conservative agenda, it's also, apparently, where health care reform and tax reform stop, too. 
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Really, though, you can't blame the president for wanting to take on Republicans. There isn't much sense in attacking Democrats, who are doing a good enough job of that on their own. 
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A leading House Democrat said the party's entire leadership team in the House should step down. She stopped short of insulting anyone's height or IQ, however, so it's unclear how seriously we should take her statements. ​
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On Second Thought for Oct. 9, 2017

10/10/2017

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A lighthearted look at news of the day:  
Researchers at the University of Utah last week released a study that compared using navigation systems and texting while driving to mentally balancing a checkbook behind the wheel. Millions of young drivers responded by saying, “What’s a checkbook?” 
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Want to make young drivers stop texting? Tell them distracted driving is like trying to clean their rooms. 
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Of course, us older drivers text and program navigation systems, too. The message could be tailored to us by saying distracted driving is like trying to remember whether you have taken your medication yet today. 
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October is National Cyber Security Awareness Month, which explains all the spooky decorations you see everywhere. 
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Cyber Security Awareness — in the old days, we used to call it, “The Russians are coming!” 
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Reports say the Russians stole highly classified cyber secrets from the NSA in 2015. Great, now they’ve got transcripts of all those phone calls the NSA secretly recorded me making to my friends back then. NSA, KGB — I forget, which one is our enemy again? 
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Since Russia stole stuff from the NSA, that means Edward Snowden has it now, right? What if he agreed to just put it all back in exchange for us letting him come home and pretending nothing ever happened? 
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Russians apparently also bought a lot of ads on Facebook last year in an attempt to sway the election. That really wasn’t such a big deal. It turns out they actually were trying to get the Libertarians to win. 
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Utah's own John Huntsman Jr., was just confirmed as the new ambassador to Russia. Really, though, is that such a good job right now? Couldn't he find something a little less stressful, like becoming CEO of Equifax? 
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Researchers in England are developing a system that will let you change channels, control the volume and access a guide on your TV simply by waving a hand or making other gestures. This makes watching game a lot of fun, unless you intend to clap or cheer. 
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