​A lighthearted look at news of the day 
 
 
Employees at Lego worked 2,500 hours to build an exact model of Rio de Janeiro in honor of the Olympic games. The problem was, when the athletes saw it they reportedly asked if they could move to the Lego apartments, instead.
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The Lego Rio is impressive, but to live there you have to have a rounded head, and Jamaica’s Usain Bolt has to be stuck to the track. Despite this, the word among those who live there is that “everything is awesome!”
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The Olympic diving pool turned a murky green during competition last week. No reason to worry, said the same Olympic officials who decided Russian athletes were drug-free.
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Some Rio officials blamed the green pool water on running out of some chemicals, most likely disinfectants. Others said it was an algae bloom, similar to what is infesting Utah Lake. Still others said it was due to a sudden change in alkalinity, whatever that means. All were unanimous in saying it wasn’t harmful, and that there was little reason to worry about any of the large, ravenous sea creatures lurking below.
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Hey, money doesn’t grow on trees. You can’t have both flushing toilets at athletes’ housing and chemicals in the pool. And let’s hope that’s the only time those two things are ever in the same sentence.
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Here in Utah, a lot of politicians are angry with Salt Lake County Mayor Ben McAdams for not “liking” their plan to lure a Facebook data center to West Jordan. McAdams insists, “It’s complicated.”
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The new Facebook data center plan is dubbed “Project Discus.” Add another “s” on the end and we can talk about it.
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America is a great country. I mean, where else could an unknown 40-year-old bald guy from Provo mention he wants to run for president and suddenly gain thousands of Twitter followers?
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Evan McMullin captured the imagination of a lot of disgruntled voters last week with his last-minute decision to run. People were even more excited to learn he could speak in complete sentences.
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McMullin has a huge hurdle ahead of him. According to election rules, he has to get at least 10 percent support before Donald Trump will make up an insulting nickname for him.
 
 

​A lighthearted look at news of the day 
 
Don’t you hate it when you finally convince the Iranians to release four American hostages, then find out about the hidden fees?
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The Obama administration is under fire for shipping a planeload of crates filled with $400 million in small, unmarked foreign bills that coincided with the release of four U.S. prisoners. It wasn’t ransom, a White House spokesman said. Apparently, the president was just paying for a magic lamp he found on eBay.
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The Summer Olympics started last Friday, which was the signal Rio officials were waiting for so they would know when to begin constructing the athletes’ village.
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Rio officials were overheard saying, “Oh, is that THIS year?”
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In a way, it’s only fair. If athletes can’t use performance-enhancing drugs, why should they be able to use other performance enhancers, such as beds, or walls or bathrooms?
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NBA players were having an especially hard time, as their servants weren’t sure where to dry and press the monogrammed sweat socks.
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Libertarian presidential candidate Gary Johnson stumbled recently when he implied Mormons are murderers. Maybe he needs to step outside his Salt Lake City campaign headquarters a little more often.
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If Gary Johnson receives just a little more support in the polls, he will get to participate in the upcoming presidential debates. Organizers would make room for him on stage, probably right next to Vladimir Putin.
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The FBI says Russia is most likely responsible for hacking into Democratic computers and stealing sensitive emails that embarrassed the party. Vladimir Putin denied any involvement, and he said if these allegations don’t stop, he’s prepared to embarrass a lot more U.S. officials.
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Remember all those years ago when Nikita Khrushchev promised the West, “We will bury you”? Who knew the rest of the sentence was, “… under a pile of your own emails”?
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Strangely, despite the hacks of Democratic computers, GOP computers have remained untouched. It turns out that ever since George W. Bush looked into his soul, Putin has been a Republican.
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Trump asked the Russians to see if they could find Hillary’s missing emails. Say what you want about Richard Nixon, but he never had to outsource any break-ins at Democratic headquarters.
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If Hillary is elected, Bill may not want to refer to himself as the First Man. He might attract a lawsuit from the estate of Adam, and I understand there are a lot of descendants.

​Donald and Hillary’s secret meeting
A lighthearted look at news of the day.
 
Somewhere in a vault beneath Trump Tower in Manhattan, a meeting conspiracy theorists dream about may or may not be about to convene.
Donald: Hillary, my friend, come in! (Kisses her on the cheek.)
Hillary: Don, it’s good to see you away from all the cameras, but we’ve got a big problem.
Donald: The poll numbers? I’ve done everything you suggested.
Hillary: I know, but …
Donald: Cozy up to Vladimir Putin, you said. What could possibly throw the election more quickly than to play footsy with the Russians, you said.
Hillary: I know, but …
Donald: When that didn’t work, you said I should tell the world I want the Russians to spy on you so they can try to find all those emails you had my IT guys destroy.
Hillary: I know, but …
Donald: That will be Yuuuge, you said.
Hillary: Actually, I don’t use that word, but …
Donald: Insult women, talk about banning Muslims, build a wall — actually, that one was mine and I intend to do it, believe you me — but, threaten the NATO alliance, get Melania to copy Michelle’s speech. Everything you tell me to do just makes me more popular. You should be a Hollywood publicist, let me tell you.
Hillary: Listen, my people think it’s time to do something drastic.
Donald: You mean, insult country music?
Hillary: No.
Donald: Tell them I’ll outlaw pickup trucks, NASCAR and hair spray?
Hillary: Listen, Don. We’re out of options. You’re going to have to say nice things.
Donald: I don’t get it.
Hillary: About me, Don. Say nice things. You know when you said you were just being sarcastic about wanting the Russians to spy on me? Tell them you were just kidding about the whole thing, the whole campaign. Everything.
(Silence)
Hillary: Don?
Donald: You know, Hil, once I’m president I could order a new national monument in Utah and name it after you. That would be Yuuuge.