Jay Evensen
  • Front Page
  • Opinions
  • Second Thoughts
  • Portfolio
  • Awards
  • About

On Second Thought for Oct. 1, 2012

9/25/2012

0 Comments

 
  • Leaders from 120 nations met at United Nations headquarters in New York City last week to tackle the world's most vexing issues. Sure enough, the lockout of NFL referees ended soon after.
  • It was touch-and-go for awhile, however. Permanent Security Council members reached a permanent impasse, with Russia and China insisting it was a touchdown and the rest of the nations demanding it was an interception.
  • The NFL may have gone overboard, however, by promising China a Super Bowl at an undisclosed future date.
  • I wouldn’t say replacement refs were a big problem in the NFL, but it was disturbing last Monday night when they tried to award the Green Bay Packers two free throws.
  • However, it didn't take long for the real referees to restore order, and for coaches and players to scream about what idiots they are.
  • A lot of polls show Barack Obama building a slight lead over Mitt Romney. It's not quite time yet for Romney supporters to do something drastic, like hurl themselves out of airplanes. Besides, they might have trouble rolling the windows down.
  • Romney made a joke about rolling airplane windows down during a recent event. It was a test, of sorts, to see if the media had a sense of humor. They don't.
  • The Mars rover has begun to uncover interesting things. This week it found evidence of a stream bed that once may have channeled fast-moving water. On the banks was an ancient picnic blanket and a copy of a report warning about Martian warming.
  • Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spoke at the United Nations this week, describing Israel as a misfit and a doomed country and accusing the United States of bullying. Afterward, polls showed him getting a slight bump in key swing states.
  • The presidential debates start this week. So far, the candidates have yet to agree on procedures, although they are leaning toward derringers at 20 paces.
  • Each side is downplaying expectations, sort of the way a father does before cooking dinner while Mom's away. That way, as long as nothing catches fire, you can claim victory.
0 Comments

"On Second Thought" for Sept. 17, 2012

9/12/2012

0 Comments

 
  • Apple unveiled its new iPhone5 last week. Consumers were excited about the new feature that will allow users to actually make telephone calls.
  • The new phone has a larger screen than earlier models, allowing the nation’s aging population to actually see some of what they're doing.
  • Apple, which now is wealthier than many countries, announced it will be taxing people to fund future developments.
  • Teachers in Chicago walked off the job last week, saying they were only interested in the kids they teach. The city, meanwhile, refused to budge on its demands, saying it only had the interest of kids in mind. The kids, meanwhile, wish people wouldn’t care so much about them.
  • In an effort to jump-start the economy, Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke announced he would connect a fire hose from a dollar bill printing press directly to banks.
  • In making the announcement, Bernanke said he wants to make housing more affordable. Of course, prices and interest rates would have to drop considerably to make a house affordable to someone without a job.
  •  With interest rates falling, it's not only easier to buy a house, it's easier to get a second or third mortgage. Where have I heard this before?
  • Four years ago, the presidential race accidentally gave us Joe the Plumber, who ended up running for Congress based on a question he asked at a rally. America, meet Scott, the bear-hugging pizza guy.
  • Scott Van Duzer lifted the president off the ground with a bear hug during the chief executive's visit to a Big Apple Pizza in Florida. Now he says he might like to campaign. Joe the Plumber just asked a question. Think how far someone might go based on having actually manhandled the president.
  • What exactly do we pay the Secret Service for, anyway? To guard the pepperoni? 
  • Meanwhile, Joe the Plumber made news last month by saying he would start shooting Mexicans at the border. Maybe this method of discovering new political talent doesn't work so well.


0 Comments

"On Second Thought" for Sept. 10, 2012

9/5/2012

0 Comments

 
Some names were conspicuously absent at the Democratic National Convention, such as Simpson, Bowles, Standard and Poor’s.
❑ ❑ ❑
That’s not quite true. Vice President Joe Biden mentioned Simpson and Bowles, then blamed Republicans for not embracing their commission report. He was speaking through a remote camera in Bizarro Land.
❑ ❑ ❑
Isn’t it amazing how both Michelle Obama and Ann Romney lived in primitive log cabins with their husbands when they were first married?
❑ ❑ ❑
Democrats made it clear that they support gay marriage, which they call “marrying whoever you love” and abortion, which they call “controlling your own body,” and that they oppose the $16 trillion national debt, which they have decided not to call anything at all.
❑ ❑ ❑
On Wednesday, former President Clinton gave a rousing speech that had the crowd chanting, “Four more years!” The only trouble is, the Constitution won’t allow Clinton to serve four more years.
❑ ❑ ❑
The threat of rain forced President Obama to take his speech indoors. That’s too bad. Organizers had hoped that, with him speaking in a football stadium, channel-surfing viewers might have thought they had stumbled onto halftime of an NFL game.
❑ ❑ ❑
Shortly after the convention, the Obama administration found a new strategy for lowering the unemployment rate. Just get unemployed people to stop looking for work.
❑ ❑ ❑
A new jobs report found the unemployment rate dropped because more people gave up looking. That led the Federal Reserve Board to conclude that, because its previous attempts to stimulate the economy have failed, it may be time to stimulate the economy.
❑ ❑ ❑
Apparently, it’s peak season in Bizarro Land.
❑ ❑ ❑
Meanwhile, an arbitration panel decided that, with incompetent replacement referees roaming the field, it might be interesting to reinstate the players accused of trying to hurt opposing players for cash rewards, then see what happens.
❑ ❑ ❑
I won’t say football players are becoming more political, but after a recent devastating hit, a linebacker was heard asking the quarterback, “Are you better off than you were four seconds ago?”
0 Comments

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    RSS Feed

    Ha! Ha! Ha!

    Everyone likes to laugh. Some of us even like to groan occasionally. Well, you've come to the right place. "On second thought" is a weekly feature I  produce for the Deseret News, available on Mondays. But here you can read them as I think of them.
      Oh yes, and if you've got something even funnier, post it in the comments. If I like it, I may use it.

    Archives

    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    March 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012

    Categories

    All
    Anthony Weiner
    Barack Obama
    Bcs
    Belarus
    Congress
    Donald Trump
    Fast And Furious
    Mitt Romney
    Nasa
    North Korea
    North Korea
    Olympics
    Politics
    Ron Paul
    Tea Party
    Utah
    Utah Legislature
    Venus


Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Photos used under Creative Commons from Gwydion M. Williams, PetroleumJelliffe, mike.benedetti, ScrippsBee, Images_of_Money