A lighthearted look at news of the day:
Welcome to 2016, where the air is murky and the going slippery — sort of like the race for president.
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2016 will be kind of like 2015, except that the scary reality show we’ve all been watching ends with someone getting to run the free world.
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The old year ended with the Clintons attacking Donald Trump on women’s issues and Trump firing back by reminding everyone of Bill Clinton’s messy extramarital adventures. But don’t despair. I hear Canada is a lovely place to live and fairly welcoming to immigrants from the south.
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Thanks to Utah lawmakers, the tax on gasoline went up nearly 5 cents a gallon on Friday. Anxious motorists were relieved, however, to learn that Big Gulps remain at the same price per gallon.
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People are making a big deal about how President Obama used the NSA to spy on members of Congress. But to be fair, Congress has a lower approval rating than many of the nation’s enemies.
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The president thought he was on solid ground. After all, who could take any allegations of gathering “intelligence” from Congress seriously?
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Actually, the president was spying directly on Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, and members of Congress just happened to be in front of the prime minister while he was talking. But hey, the intelligence community has a hard time infiltrating our enemies. Why not practice on our friends?
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A century ago, the American president had a policy described as, “Speak softly and carry a big stick.” Today’s president has a policy described as, “Speak up, and talk directly into that lampshade.”
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Somewhere, Richard Nixon is smiling and Hillary Clinton is wondering if she could one day use the NSA to keep track of Bill.
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This White House spying scandal truly is outrageous. It seems the only place on earth where you can go to keep secrets any more is a Utah Republican caucus meeting at the state Legislature.
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And so, we go boldly into 2016, still remembering those days long ago when a “smart watch” was something that looked good with your leisure suit, “virtual reality” was a sure bet, like the notion that disco would never go out of style, and a driverless car meant Uncle Ed forgot to set the parking brake again.
Welcome to 2016, where the air is murky and the going slippery — sort of like the race for president.
---
2016 will be kind of like 2015, except that the scary reality show we’ve all been watching ends with someone getting to run the free world.
---
The old year ended with the Clintons attacking Donald Trump on women’s issues and Trump firing back by reminding everyone of Bill Clinton’s messy extramarital adventures. But don’t despair. I hear Canada is a lovely place to live and fairly welcoming to immigrants from the south.
---
Thanks to Utah lawmakers, the tax on gasoline went up nearly 5 cents a gallon on Friday. Anxious motorists were relieved, however, to learn that Big Gulps remain at the same price per gallon.
---
People are making a big deal about how President Obama used the NSA to spy on members of Congress. But to be fair, Congress has a lower approval rating than many of the nation’s enemies.
---
The president thought he was on solid ground. After all, who could take any allegations of gathering “intelligence” from Congress seriously?
---
Actually, the president was spying directly on Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, and members of Congress just happened to be in front of the prime minister while he was talking. But hey, the intelligence community has a hard time infiltrating our enemies. Why not practice on our friends?
---
A century ago, the American president had a policy described as, “Speak softly and carry a big stick.” Today’s president has a policy described as, “Speak up, and talk directly into that lampshade.”
---
Somewhere, Richard Nixon is smiling and Hillary Clinton is wondering if she could one day use the NSA to keep track of Bill.
---
This White House spying scandal truly is outrageous. It seems the only place on earth where you can go to keep secrets any more is a Utah Republican caucus meeting at the state Legislature.
---
And so, we go boldly into 2016, still remembering those days long ago when a “smart watch” was something that looked good with your leisure suit, “virtual reality” was a sure bet, like the notion that disco would never go out of style, and a driverless car meant Uncle Ed forgot to set the parking brake again.
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