A lighthearted look at news of the day
Now that the 2016 elections are over, only one thought dominates the minds of anxious Americans. How long until the primary debates begin for 2020?
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Polls show roughly two-thirds of Americans think the big losers on Election Day were pollsters. But the margin of error is so large it’s hard to tell for sure.
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From now on, the fine print at the bottom of polls will say, “Margin of error +/– 4 percent, or, then again, the whole thing could be pathetically wrong.”
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Predictions were so wrong leading into Tuesday that surveys may stop relying on Tarot cards and coffee grinds altogether.
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Pollsters have a simple explanation for what happened during this election season. They accidentally forgot to survey half the nation.
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So, the big question on the minds of all Americans is, now that he won, will Donald Trump’s staff allow him to use his Twitter account again? We can’t wait for his first 140-character asides from the next G-7 meeting.
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Trump’s victory was a shock to many Americans, but they’ll get over it. Americans are a hardy lot. I’m sure even Yale University soon will resume the classes and exams it canceled for grief-stricken students.
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If Trump is smart, the first thing he will do is give Samsung a defense contract. Any company that can make smart phones catch fire in your pocket and blow the tops off washing machines deserves a shot at our enemies.
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If one more Samsung product becomes an inadvertent weapon, the company could get support from the NRA.
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At first, the stock market reacted negatively to news that Trump was winning. That all changed when it became clear Wall Street would not be moved to the southern border to be paid for by Mexicans. That will be a different wall.
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Speaking of which, Canada may now be building a wall of its own and trying to make us pay for it.
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After the election, President Obama welcomed Trump to the White House. Staff members were up all the previous night trying to dig a hole big enough to bury the hatchets.
Now that the 2016 elections are over, only one thought dominates the minds of anxious Americans. How long until the primary debates begin for 2020?
---
Polls show roughly two-thirds of Americans think the big losers on Election Day were pollsters. But the margin of error is so large it’s hard to tell for sure.
---
From now on, the fine print at the bottom of polls will say, “Margin of error +/– 4 percent, or, then again, the whole thing could be pathetically wrong.”
---
Predictions were so wrong leading into Tuesday that surveys may stop relying on Tarot cards and coffee grinds altogether.
---
Pollsters have a simple explanation for what happened during this election season. They accidentally forgot to survey half the nation.
---
So, the big question on the minds of all Americans is, now that he won, will Donald Trump’s staff allow him to use his Twitter account again? We can’t wait for his first 140-character asides from the next G-7 meeting.
---
Trump’s victory was a shock to many Americans, but they’ll get over it. Americans are a hardy lot. I’m sure even Yale University soon will resume the classes and exams it canceled for grief-stricken students.
---
If Trump is smart, the first thing he will do is give Samsung a defense contract. Any company that can make smart phones catch fire in your pocket and blow the tops off washing machines deserves a shot at our enemies.
---
If one more Samsung product becomes an inadvertent weapon, the company could get support from the NRA.
---
At first, the stock market reacted negatively to news that Trump was winning. That all changed when it became clear Wall Street would not be moved to the southern border to be paid for by Mexicans. That will be a different wall.
---
Speaking of which, Canada may now be building a wall of its own and trying to make us pay for it.
---
After the election, President Obama welcomed Trump to the White House. Staff members were up all the previous night trying to dig a hole big enough to bury the hatchets.
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