A lighthearted look at news of the day
Police in Harrisburg, Pa., are investigating the theft of more than a dozen laundry detergent bottles from a grocery store. So far, they have no leads, but they hope someone comes clean soon.
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I know criminals tend to be stupid, but I pity the guy if he thinks he’s going to start a money-laundering scheme.
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President-elect Donald Trump says he may not stay full-time at the White House. He wants to commute from his apartment in New York. This is good news for Chris Christie. From now on, he won’t be the one blamed for traffic jams.
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For Trump’s neighbors in New York, there are tradeoffs. Sure, they have to see the president’s laundry drying on the clothesline between buildings, but they won’t have to pay extra for getting frisked by the Secret Service every time they walk the dog.
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In American politics, this post-election time is known as the beginning of a traditional honeymoon period for the new president. It’s such a wonderful tradition. You remember people protesting your honeymoon, don’t you?
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In recent weeks, fake news stories on Facebook outperformed the top legitimate stories from major news outlets. Well sure, but it really can be hard to tell the difference. For instance, which is harder to believe, a story that says Hillary Clinton is secretly selling arms to ISIS, or one that says President Obama is hoping Donald Trump succeeds?
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I say it’s time for everyone to wake up to what it takes to attract an audience these days. Quit being so old fashioned. Invite your kids to Thanksgiving by saying, “Mom took the innards out of the turkey, and you won’t believe what happened next!”
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Who cares if the Pope never really endorsed Trump? What else are we supposed to talk about at parties? The way the rest of the world thinks we’ve gone off the rails?
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Donald Trump says he’ll take only a $1 yearly salary as president. Don’t get too upset. Everyone should know by now that you don’t get as much for a dollar as you used to.
Police in Harrisburg, Pa., are investigating the theft of more than a dozen laundry detergent bottles from a grocery store. So far, they have no leads, but they hope someone comes clean soon.
---
I know criminals tend to be stupid, but I pity the guy if he thinks he’s going to start a money-laundering scheme.
---
President-elect Donald Trump says he may not stay full-time at the White House. He wants to commute from his apartment in New York. This is good news for Chris Christie. From now on, he won’t be the one blamed for traffic jams.
---
For Trump’s neighbors in New York, there are tradeoffs. Sure, they have to see the president’s laundry drying on the clothesline between buildings, but they won’t have to pay extra for getting frisked by the Secret Service every time they walk the dog.
---
In American politics, this post-election time is known as the beginning of a traditional honeymoon period for the new president. It’s such a wonderful tradition. You remember people protesting your honeymoon, don’t you?
---
In recent weeks, fake news stories on Facebook outperformed the top legitimate stories from major news outlets. Well sure, but it really can be hard to tell the difference. For instance, which is harder to believe, a story that says Hillary Clinton is secretly selling arms to ISIS, or one that says President Obama is hoping Donald Trump succeeds?
---
I say it’s time for everyone to wake up to what it takes to attract an audience these days. Quit being so old fashioned. Invite your kids to Thanksgiving by saying, “Mom took the innards out of the turkey, and you won’t believe what happened next!”
---
Who cares if the Pope never really endorsed Trump? What else are we supposed to talk about at parties? The way the rest of the world thinks we’ve gone off the rails?
---
Donald Trump says he’ll take only a $1 yearly salary as president. Don’t get too upset. Everyone should know by now that you don’t get as much for a dollar as you used to.
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