A lighthearted look at news of the day
How long will it be before coaches start announcing they will accept the outcome of the next game — so long as their team wins?
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The Ringling Brothers Circus has issued a plea to quit calling the current election and its candidates a “circus” and “clowns.” Apparently, doing so denigrates the real, legitimate circus. OK, fair enough. But can we just shoot a few of the candidates from a cannon, first?
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This year’s politics is so bad even the criminals dressing as clowns reportedly have been complaining.
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What’s next, the Department of Sanitation registering a grievance because the debates are giving real sewage a bad name?
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The circus is just the latest commercial venture to take offense at the election. Tic Tacs issued a statement after Donald Trump was heard dropping the product’s name on that infamous bus ride in 2005, and Donald Trump Jr., got Skittles riled up by using the candies to make a statement about refugees. One thing that cannot be said of this election is that it is a piece of cake.
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Next thing you know, donkeys and elephants will be suing for defamation.
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Frankly, the tone of the presidential debates has given Scholastic News Magazine’s quadrennial “mock election” a whole new meaning. The students taking part now think they have to judge the best mocking insults.
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Meanwhile, the winner of Wednesday’s final debate, Evan McMullin, is proving that the laws of mathematics are immutable. Two negatives really do make a positive.
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Actually, while McMullin may win Utah, he doesn’t have a chance of winning the White House. For one thing, Vladimir Putin doesn’t even know his email password.
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But Utah supposedly is a battleground state now. It is so much in play politically that Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton may actually look at it through the windows of their planes while flying to rallies in other states.
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Singer Bob Dylan has yet to formally comment on receiving the Nobel Prize for literature more than a week ago. At least, we think this is true. It’s hard to understand much of what he’s saying these days.
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Actually, Dylan was a great choice. Anyone who could write, “The times they are a changin’” 52 years ago has to know a thing or two about staying relevant.
How long will it be before coaches start announcing they will accept the outcome of the next game — so long as their team wins?
---
The Ringling Brothers Circus has issued a plea to quit calling the current election and its candidates a “circus” and “clowns.” Apparently, doing so denigrates the real, legitimate circus. OK, fair enough. But can we just shoot a few of the candidates from a cannon, first?
---
This year’s politics is so bad even the criminals dressing as clowns reportedly have been complaining.
---
What’s next, the Department of Sanitation registering a grievance because the debates are giving real sewage a bad name?
---
The circus is just the latest commercial venture to take offense at the election. Tic Tacs issued a statement after Donald Trump was heard dropping the product’s name on that infamous bus ride in 2005, and Donald Trump Jr., got Skittles riled up by using the candies to make a statement about refugees. One thing that cannot be said of this election is that it is a piece of cake.
---
Next thing you know, donkeys and elephants will be suing for defamation.
---
Frankly, the tone of the presidential debates has given Scholastic News Magazine’s quadrennial “mock election” a whole new meaning. The students taking part now think they have to judge the best mocking insults.
---
Meanwhile, the winner of Wednesday’s final debate, Evan McMullin, is proving that the laws of mathematics are immutable. Two negatives really do make a positive.
---
Actually, while McMullin may win Utah, he doesn’t have a chance of winning the White House. For one thing, Vladimir Putin doesn’t even know his email password.
---
But Utah supposedly is a battleground state now. It is so much in play politically that Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton may actually look at it through the windows of their planes while flying to rallies in other states.
---
Singer Bob Dylan has yet to formally comment on receiving the Nobel Prize for literature more than a week ago. At least, we think this is true. It’s hard to understand much of what he’s saying these days.
---
Actually, Dylan was a great choice. Anyone who could write, “The times they are a changin’” 52 years ago has to know a thing or two about staying relevant.
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