A lighthearted look at news of the day:
In light of the Ebola scare, U.S. airports have begun screening passengers for fevers. In other words, if you’re flying, you might not want to look too hot.
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Speaking of keeping your cool, just wait until flu season kicks in and kids start showing up to school with fevers. Drugs stores should be advertising flu shots as a way to keep your house from being quarantined and your neighbors from having to evacuate.
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We ought to put all contagious Ebola patients under the care of the Secret Service. Apparently, they can’t catch anything.
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A still-working vintage Apple computer built by Steve Wozniak in Steve Jobs’ garage in 1976 is expected to fetch up to a half-million dollars at auction. It’s not worth the price, though, because it doesn’t come with free tech support.
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The worst part is, after spending $500,000, you still have to pay extra for a copy of Word.
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Ah, 1976. Those were the days. Apparently, one of the challenges Wozniak and Jobs had back then was pioneering the art of ignoring emails from Third World countries telling them they were entitled to millions of dollars in unclaimed funds.
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Last week a lunar eclipse led to a blood moon. This means the moon appeared to be red, which also could be described as a Republican dream involving the creation a lunar 51st state.
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Two years ago, Newt Gingrich said he wanted the moon to become a state. That was refreshing. Public officials make those kinds of suggestions only once in a blue … er … never mind.
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Most young people were unimpressed by the blood moon. After all, with a couple of mouse clicks they can make the moon any color you’d like.
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No one has seen North Korean leader Kim Jong Un for about a month now. A source within the government said the leader is nursing a leg he injured while participating in military drills during a routine inspection. Kim is still firmly in control of the country, the source said, adding that people should ignore the gun being held to his head.
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The spokesman said Kim hurt himself because he is overweight. Look for a correction to come soon, from a new spokesman, saying Kim actually has extremely large and well-developed stomach muscles.
In light of the Ebola scare, U.S. airports have begun screening passengers for fevers. In other words, if you’re flying, you might not want to look too hot.
---
Speaking of keeping your cool, just wait until flu season kicks in and kids start showing up to school with fevers. Drugs stores should be advertising flu shots as a way to keep your house from being quarantined and your neighbors from having to evacuate.
---
We ought to put all contagious Ebola patients under the care of the Secret Service. Apparently, they can’t catch anything.
---
A still-working vintage Apple computer built by Steve Wozniak in Steve Jobs’ garage in 1976 is expected to fetch up to a half-million dollars at auction. It’s not worth the price, though, because it doesn’t come with free tech support.
---
The worst part is, after spending $500,000, you still have to pay extra for a copy of Word.
---
Ah, 1976. Those were the days. Apparently, one of the challenges Wozniak and Jobs had back then was pioneering the art of ignoring emails from Third World countries telling them they were entitled to millions of dollars in unclaimed funds.
---
Last week a lunar eclipse led to a blood moon. This means the moon appeared to be red, which also could be described as a Republican dream involving the creation a lunar 51st state.
---
Two years ago, Newt Gingrich said he wanted the moon to become a state. That was refreshing. Public officials make those kinds of suggestions only once in a blue … er … never mind.
---
Most young people were unimpressed by the blood moon. After all, with a couple of mouse clicks they can make the moon any color you’d like.
---
No one has seen North Korean leader Kim Jong Un for about a month now. A source within the government said the leader is nursing a leg he injured while participating in military drills during a routine inspection. Kim is still firmly in control of the country, the source said, adding that people should ignore the gun being held to his head.
---
The spokesman said Kim hurt himself because he is overweight. Look for a correction to come soon, from a new spokesman, saying Kim actually has extremely large and well-developed stomach muscles.
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