A lighthearted look at news of the day
Don’t you hate it when you finally convince the Iranians to release four American hostages, then find out about the hidden fees?
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The Obama administration is under fire for shipping a planeload of crates filled with $400 million in small, unmarked foreign bills that coincided with the release of four U.S. prisoners. It wasn’t ransom, a White House spokesman said. Apparently, the president was just paying for a magic lamp he found on eBay.
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The Summer Olympics started last Friday, which was the signal Rio officials were waiting for so they would know when to begin constructing the athletes’ village.
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Rio officials were overheard saying, “Oh, is that THIS year?”
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In a way, it’s only fair. If athletes can’t use performance-enhancing drugs, why should they be able to use other performance enhancers, such as beds, or walls or bathrooms?
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NBA players were having an especially hard time, as their servants weren’t sure where to dry and press the monogrammed sweat socks.
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Libertarian presidential candidate Gary Johnson stumbled recently when he implied Mormons are murderers. Maybe he needs to step outside his Salt Lake City campaign headquarters a little more often.
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If Gary Johnson receives just a little more support in the polls, he will get to participate in the upcoming presidential debates. Organizers would make room for him on stage, probably right next to Vladimir Putin.
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The FBI says Russia is most likely responsible for hacking into Democratic computers and stealing sensitive emails that embarrassed the party. Vladimir Putin denied any involvement, and he said if these allegations don’t stop, he’s prepared to embarrass a lot more U.S. officials.
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Remember all those years ago when Nikita Khrushchev promised the West, “We will bury you”? Who knew the rest of the sentence was, “… under a pile of your own emails”?
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Strangely, despite the hacks of Democratic computers, GOP computers have remained untouched. It turns out that ever since George W. Bush looked into his soul, Putin has been a Republican.
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Trump asked the Russians to see if they could find Hillary’s missing emails. Say what you want about Richard Nixon, but he never had to outsource any break-ins at Democratic headquarters.
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If Hillary is elected, Bill may not want to refer to himself as the First Man. He might attract a lawsuit from the estate of Adam, and I understand there are a lot of descendants.
Don’t you hate it when you finally convince the Iranians to release four American hostages, then find out about the hidden fees?
---
The Obama administration is under fire for shipping a planeload of crates filled with $400 million in small, unmarked foreign bills that coincided with the release of four U.S. prisoners. It wasn’t ransom, a White House spokesman said. Apparently, the president was just paying for a magic lamp he found on eBay.
---
The Summer Olympics started last Friday, which was the signal Rio officials were waiting for so they would know when to begin constructing the athletes’ village.
---
Rio officials were overheard saying, “Oh, is that THIS year?”
---
In a way, it’s only fair. If athletes can’t use performance-enhancing drugs, why should they be able to use other performance enhancers, such as beds, or walls or bathrooms?
---
NBA players were having an especially hard time, as their servants weren’t sure where to dry and press the monogrammed sweat socks.
---
Libertarian presidential candidate Gary Johnson stumbled recently when he implied Mormons are murderers. Maybe he needs to step outside his Salt Lake City campaign headquarters a little more often.
---
If Gary Johnson receives just a little more support in the polls, he will get to participate in the upcoming presidential debates. Organizers would make room for him on stage, probably right next to Vladimir Putin.
---
The FBI says Russia is most likely responsible for hacking into Democratic computers and stealing sensitive emails that embarrassed the party. Vladimir Putin denied any involvement, and he said if these allegations don’t stop, he’s prepared to embarrass a lot more U.S. officials.
---
Remember all those years ago when Nikita Khrushchev promised the West, “We will bury you”? Who knew the rest of the sentence was, “… under a pile of your own emails”?
---
Strangely, despite the hacks of Democratic computers, GOP computers have remained untouched. It turns out that ever since George W. Bush looked into his soul, Putin has been a Republican.
---
Trump asked the Russians to see if they could find Hillary’s missing emails. Say what you want about Richard Nixon, but he never had to outsource any break-ins at Democratic headquarters.
---
If Hillary is elected, Bill may not want to refer to himself as the First Man. He might attract a lawsuit from the estate of Adam, and I understand there are a lot of descendants.
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