Donald and Hillary’s secret meeting
A lighthearted look at news of the day.
Somewhere in a vault beneath Trump Tower in Manhattan, a meeting conspiracy theorists dream about may or may not be about to convene.
Donald: Hillary, my friend, come in! (Kisses her on the cheek.)
Hillary: Don, it’s good to see you away from all the cameras, but we’ve got a big problem.
Donald: The poll numbers? I’ve done everything you suggested.
Hillary: I know, but …
Donald: Cozy up to Vladimir Putin, you said. What could possibly throw the election more quickly than to play footsy with the Russians, you said.
Hillary: I know, but …
Donald: When that didn’t work, you said I should tell the world I want the Russians to spy on you so they can try to find all those emails you had my IT guys destroy.
Hillary: I know, but …
Donald: That will be Yuuuge, you said.
Hillary: Actually, I don’t use that word, but …
Donald: Insult women, talk about banning Muslims, build a wall — actually, that one was mine and I intend to do it, believe you me — but, threaten the NATO alliance, get Melania to copy Michelle’s speech. Everything you tell me to do just makes me more popular. You should be a Hollywood publicist, let me tell you.
Hillary: Listen, my people think it’s time to do something drastic.
Donald: You mean, insult country music?
Hillary: No.
Donald: Tell them I’ll outlaw pickup trucks, NASCAR and hair spray?
Hillary: Listen, Don. We’re out of options. You’re going to have to say nice things.
Donald: I don’t get it.
Hillary: About me, Don. Say nice things. You know when you said you were just being sarcastic about wanting the Russians to spy on me? Tell them you were just kidding about the whole thing, the whole campaign. Everything.
(Silence)
Hillary: Don?
Donald: You know, Hil, once I’m president I could order a new national monument in Utah and name it after you. That would be Yuuuge.
A lighthearted look at news of the day.
Somewhere in a vault beneath Trump Tower in Manhattan, a meeting conspiracy theorists dream about may or may not be about to convene.
Donald: Hillary, my friend, come in! (Kisses her on the cheek.)
Hillary: Don, it’s good to see you away from all the cameras, but we’ve got a big problem.
Donald: The poll numbers? I’ve done everything you suggested.
Hillary: I know, but …
Donald: Cozy up to Vladimir Putin, you said. What could possibly throw the election more quickly than to play footsy with the Russians, you said.
Hillary: I know, but …
Donald: When that didn’t work, you said I should tell the world I want the Russians to spy on you so they can try to find all those emails you had my IT guys destroy.
Hillary: I know, but …
Donald: That will be Yuuuge, you said.
Hillary: Actually, I don’t use that word, but …
Donald: Insult women, talk about banning Muslims, build a wall — actually, that one was mine and I intend to do it, believe you me — but, threaten the NATO alliance, get Melania to copy Michelle’s speech. Everything you tell me to do just makes me more popular. You should be a Hollywood publicist, let me tell you.
Hillary: Listen, my people think it’s time to do something drastic.
Donald: You mean, insult country music?
Hillary: No.
Donald: Tell them I’ll outlaw pickup trucks, NASCAR and hair spray?
Hillary: Listen, Don. We’re out of options. You’re going to have to say nice things.
Donald: I don’t get it.
Hillary: About me, Don. Say nice things. You know when you said you were just being sarcastic about wanting the Russians to spy on me? Tell them you were just kidding about the whole thing, the whole campaign. Everything.
(Silence)
Hillary: Don?
Donald: You know, Hil, once I’m president I could order a new national monument in Utah and name it after you. That would be Yuuuge.
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