A lighthearted look at news of the day
Donald Trump may have called people nasty names and threatened to fire all the generals. The FBI may say Hillary Clinton was incredibly careless with sensitive emails while Secretary of State. But now American voters have something about which to be genuinely outraged. The Libertarian can’t identify a city in Syria.
----
Libertarian Gary Johnson was asked on the MSNBC program Morning Joe what he would do about Aleppo (hint: it’s a besieged city in Syria). “What is Aleppo?” he asked, as America’s collective punditry gasped. You can toss that third seat on the debate stage. There are standards, you know.
---
Meanwhile, Libertarians all over the country said, “We’re not sure what Aleppo is, either, but if people want to do it in private, government shouldn’t stop them.”
---
Trump supporters weren’t sure what it was, but they want to send everyone with it to Aleppo colony.
---
Clinton supporters became defensive, assuring people that whatever it is, Colin Powell did it first.
---
The medical community was heard saying, “We thought we had cured Aleppo. If only people would vaccinate their kids!”
---
And the rest of America said, “The NFL is back! Woo-hoo!”
---
Apple released its latest iPhone last week. It also released a new version of the Apple Watch, which is water resistant, because America has been clamoring to read emails under water.
---
The Athens-Limestone Public Library in Alabama has announced that people who don’t return overdue books could face the possibility of 30 days in jail. Frightened millennials said, “What’s a book?”
---
So, not only can you check out a book at the library, you may have the book thrown at you.
---
A man in Kansas City reportedly couldn’t take being married to his wife of 33 years any more. After an argument over a broken dryer, he went to the nearest bank, robbed it of $3,000, then sat in the lobby waiting for police to take him away. My advice is for him not to give all these details to his fellow cellmates.
---
The man probably was worried about the cost of a divorce. It’s one thing to have a broken dryer; quite another to be taken to the cleaners.
Donald Trump may have called people nasty names and threatened to fire all the generals. The FBI may say Hillary Clinton was incredibly careless with sensitive emails while Secretary of State. But now American voters have something about which to be genuinely outraged. The Libertarian can’t identify a city in Syria.
----
Libertarian Gary Johnson was asked on the MSNBC program Morning Joe what he would do about Aleppo (hint: it’s a besieged city in Syria). “What is Aleppo?” he asked, as America’s collective punditry gasped. You can toss that third seat on the debate stage. There are standards, you know.
---
Meanwhile, Libertarians all over the country said, “We’re not sure what Aleppo is, either, but if people want to do it in private, government shouldn’t stop them.”
---
Trump supporters weren’t sure what it was, but they want to send everyone with it to Aleppo colony.
---
Clinton supporters became defensive, assuring people that whatever it is, Colin Powell did it first.
---
The medical community was heard saying, “We thought we had cured Aleppo. If only people would vaccinate their kids!”
---
And the rest of America said, “The NFL is back! Woo-hoo!”
---
Apple released its latest iPhone last week. It also released a new version of the Apple Watch, which is water resistant, because America has been clamoring to read emails under water.
---
The Athens-Limestone Public Library in Alabama has announced that people who don’t return overdue books could face the possibility of 30 days in jail. Frightened millennials said, “What’s a book?”
---
So, not only can you check out a book at the library, you may have the book thrown at you.
---
A man in Kansas City reportedly couldn’t take being married to his wife of 33 years any more. After an argument over a broken dryer, he went to the nearest bank, robbed it of $3,000, then sat in the lobby waiting for police to take him away. My advice is for him not to give all these details to his fellow cellmates.
---
The man probably was worried about the cost of a divorce. It’s one thing to have a broken dryer; quite another to be taken to the cleaners.
RSS Feed