A lighthearted look at news of the day
Welcome to September, the month when football can finally distract us from everything else happening in the world.
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Actually, the college season kicked off more than a week ago. How distracting is football? Kim Jong Un fired a missile over Japan and Guam thought of signaling for a fair catch.
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Protesters descended on Washington last week to march against President Trump's proposed cuts to national service programs. Unfortunately, someone thought it would be a great idea to have them all dress in silly dinosaur costumes, which gave the protest all the impact of a Disney parade for kids.
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Judging by the looks of it, people would have thought the dinosaurs were protesting the arms race, or at least advocating for shorter arms.
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The dinosaur costumes were supposed to compare budget cuts to the extinction of dinosaurs. But everyone knows federal budget cuts had nothing to do with dinosaurs going extinct. That had to do with the price of gasoline, which was always rising higher because they hadn't died yet and turned into oil.
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Actually, that's not true. Fossil fuels come from plants and animals that died long before dinosaurs came on the scene and started passing law in Congress.
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First, Russia kicked out hundreds of U.S. diplomats to retaliate against U.S. sanctions. Then last week, the United States retaliated by closing a Russian consulate in San Francisco. Taken together, these moves send a strong message … that being a diplomat can be an unstable profession.
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Seriously, you have to feel sorry for the 755 diplomats who are being sent home from Russia. It happened so fast they didn't even get a chance to dress like dinosaurs and protest in Red Square. Where will we put these people? Don't worry! They are coming home in time for harvest season, which is fortuitous considering the president's new anti-immigration policies will open a lot of jobs in the fields.
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Salt Lake Mayor Jackie Biskupski finally agreed to close a road near the homeless shelter to cut down on drug trafficking this week, even though she wasn't sure it was the best thing to do — proving you don't have to be a roads scholar to be a mayor.
Welcome to September, the month when football can finally distract us from everything else happening in the world.
---
Actually, the college season kicked off more than a week ago. How distracting is football? Kim Jong Un fired a missile over Japan and Guam thought of signaling for a fair catch.
---
Protesters descended on Washington last week to march against President Trump's proposed cuts to national service programs. Unfortunately, someone thought it would be a great idea to have them all dress in silly dinosaur costumes, which gave the protest all the impact of a Disney parade for kids.
---
Judging by the looks of it, people would have thought the dinosaurs were protesting the arms race, or at least advocating for shorter arms.
---
The dinosaur costumes were supposed to compare budget cuts to the extinction of dinosaurs. But everyone knows federal budget cuts had nothing to do with dinosaurs going extinct. That had to do with the price of gasoline, which was always rising higher because they hadn't died yet and turned into oil.
---
Actually, that's not true. Fossil fuels come from plants and animals that died long before dinosaurs came on the scene and started passing law in Congress.
---
First, Russia kicked out hundreds of U.S. diplomats to retaliate against U.S. sanctions. Then last week, the United States retaliated by closing a Russian consulate in San Francisco. Taken together, these moves send a strong message … that being a diplomat can be an unstable profession.
---
Seriously, you have to feel sorry for the 755 diplomats who are being sent home from Russia. It happened so fast they didn't even get a chance to dress like dinosaurs and protest in Red Square. Where will we put these people? Don't worry! They are coming home in time for harvest season, which is fortuitous considering the president's new anti-immigration policies will open a lot of jobs in the fields.
---
Salt Lake Mayor Jackie Biskupski finally agreed to close a road near the homeless shelter to cut down on drug trafficking this week, even though she wasn't sure it was the best thing to do — proving you don't have to be a roads scholar to be a mayor.
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