A lighthearted look at the news of the day:
In a recent speech, President Trump said he’s building a wall in Colorado. It won’t work. Utah freedom fighters will still find ways to smuggle fry sauce across the border.
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Colorado has a lot of neighbors to protect itself from. The question is who will pay for this wall — Utah, Wyoming, Nebraska, Kansas, Oklahoma, Arizona, or New Mexico?
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Actually, a wall on Arizona’s section of the four corners probably wouldn’t cost much.
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Now that November is here, we can start focusing on turkeys other than those being interviewed on cable news channels every day.
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That is, if you’ve figured out what time it is, yet. Health officials say changing our clocks twice a year causes people to experience “microsleeps” throughout the days immediately following. Apparently, this is different from zoning out while waiting for Utah lawmakers to make up their minds on tax reform.
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As of Monday, only 50 days remain until Christmas. Or, to put it another way — you have just 49 days left to pay extra for next-day shipping and hope to get lucky.
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Now that the holidays are here, we can stop complaining about the federal government spending more money than it has and start cheering for consumers to begin spending more money than they have.
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A survey found that two-thirds of parents admit to taking Halloween candy from their children, and those that do so eat about one-third of the available candy, on average. Think of it as preparing the little dears to become taxpayers some day.
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Of course, if that were true, the children with the most candy would find loopholes or begin storing their candy in overseas accounts.
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The ones with the least would wait until April and receive candy credits or refunds in the form of snacks the government has been chewing on for months.
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But either way, if you eat too much all at once you’re on your own to find health insurance.
In a recent speech, President Trump said he’s building a wall in Colorado. It won’t work. Utah freedom fighters will still find ways to smuggle fry sauce across the border.
---
Colorado has a lot of neighbors to protect itself from. The question is who will pay for this wall — Utah, Wyoming, Nebraska, Kansas, Oklahoma, Arizona, or New Mexico?
---
Actually, a wall on Arizona’s section of the four corners probably wouldn’t cost much.
---
Now that November is here, we can start focusing on turkeys other than those being interviewed on cable news channels every day.
---
That is, if you’ve figured out what time it is, yet. Health officials say changing our clocks twice a year causes people to experience “microsleeps” throughout the days immediately following. Apparently, this is different from zoning out while waiting for Utah lawmakers to make up their minds on tax reform.
---
As of Monday, only 50 days remain until Christmas. Or, to put it another way — you have just 49 days left to pay extra for next-day shipping and hope to get lucky.
---
Now that the holidays are here, we can stop complaining about the federal government spending more money than it has and start cheering for consumers to begin spending more money than they have.
---
A survey found that two-thirds of parents admit to taking Halloween candy from their children, and those that do so eat about one-third of the available candy, on average. Think of it as preparing the little dears to become taxpayers some day.
---
Of course, if that were true, the children with the most candy would find loopholes or begin storing their candy in overseas accounts.
---
The ones with the least would wait until April and receive candy credits or refunds in the form of snacks the government has been chewing on for months.
---
But either way, if you eat too much all at once you’re on your own to find health insurance.
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