A lighthearted look at news of the day
Last week marked one of the greatest combinations of holiday celebrations on the calendar. It started with Star Wars day, as in "May the Fourth be with you." That was followed by Cinco de Mayo, the great Mexican holiday only Americans celebrate. May 6th now is a follow-up Star Wars celebration, as in "Revenge of the Sixth." That is followed, naturally, by May 7, better known as Montezuma's Revenge, because of all the junk you've been eating.
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May 8th would be national regret day, as in, "We regret Congress just repealed Obamacare, because now our overeating might be considered a pre-existing condition."
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Or it could be Guardians of the Galaxy Day, in which fictional heroes save us from deficit spending while putting a cork in North Korea's nuclear arsenal.
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Speaking of which, North Korea last week issued a statement highly critical of its only ally, China. That's kind of like an unpopular kid who has no friends and is flunking out of school threatening to rip up the checks his parents are sending.
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Meanwhile, President Trump said he would be honored to meet with Kim Jong Un "under the right circumstances." White House spokesman Sean Spicer called Kim a "smart cookie." Who is the administration's new foreign policy advisor, Dennis Rodman?
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Officials in India recently discovered a 10- to 12-year-old girl living among, and apparently having been raised by, monkeys. It could have been worse. The monkeys seemed to be treating her well, and they never posted anything bad about her on social media. The only thing more cruel than forcing her to join "civilization" would be to make her go there on United.
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American Airlines' apparent response to recent cases of customer abuse was to announce it is cutting legroom on certain flights. Reportedly, a special section near the back will be so tight it will be reserved only for contortionists and the double-jointed.
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The House finally passed a bill last week that repeals much of Obamacare. An anxious American public tried to ignore this. At least, they tried not to worry themselves sick about it.
Last week marked one of the greatest combinations of holiday celebrations on the calendar. It started with Star Wars day, as in "May the Fourth be with you." That was followed by Cinco de Mayo, the great Mexican holiday only Americans celebrate. May 6th now is a follow-up Star Wars celebration, as in "Revenge of the Sixth." That is followed, naturally, by May 7, better known as Montezuma's Revenge, because of all the junk you've been eating.
---
May 8th would be national regret day, as in, "We regret Congress just repealed Obamacare, because now our overeating might be considered a pre-existing condition."
---
Or it could be Guardians of the Galaxy Day, in which fictional heroes save us from deficit spending while putting a cork in North Korea's nuclear arsenal.
---
Speaking of which, North Korea last week issued a statement highly critical of its only ally, China. That's kind of like an unpopular kid who has no friends and is flunking out of school threatening to rip up the checks his parents are sending.
---
Meanwhile, President Trump said he would be honored to meet with Kim Jong Un "under the right circumstances." White House spokesman Sean Spicer called Kim a "smart cookie." Who is the administration's new foreign policy advisor, Dennis Rodman?
---
Officials in India recently discovered a 10- to 12-year-old girl living among, and apparently having been raised by, monkeys. It could have been worse. The monkeys seemed to be treating her well, and they never posted anything bad about her on social media. The only thing more cruel than forcing her to join "civilization" would be to make her go there on United.
---
American Airlines' apparent response to recent cases of customer abuse was to announce it is cutting legroom on certain flights. Reportedly, a special section near the back will be so tight it will be reserved only for contortionists and the double-jointed.
---
The House finally passed a bill last week that repeals much of Obamacare. An anxious American public tried to ignore this. At least, they tried not to worry themselves sick about it.
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