A lighthearted look at news of the day:
This year, the national spelling bee produced two winners, Vanya Shivashankar and Gokul Venkatachalam. Both won mainly because they were not required to spell each other’s names.
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One of the winning words was “scherenschnitte.” The other was “nunatak.” We use these every day in sentences, such as, “Don’t throw a ‘scherenschnitte’ near the convent or you’ll be in for a nunatak.”
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This was the second year in a row the spelling bee ended with two winners. I don’t think they’re trying hard enough. If the judges exhaust the dictionary, they should start making the kids spell things with the Cyrillic alphabet.
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A recent secret test of TSA agents nationwide found that they missed weapons and explosives 95 percent of the time. Everyone focuses on the negatives. It turns out the TSA was pretty accurate at finding bottles containing more than 3 ounces of water being carried by 4-year-old children.
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Given these results, the government should announce a new policy. From now on, just drive your car up to the airplane and jump on. What does it matter?
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Forget about airports. The places that really need security are the hearing rooms where the Utah Prison Relocation Commission meets.
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The commission might as well decide to build the prison on a community golf course. At least then, people would get teed off with more than one purpose in mind, and the commission could be excused for having a bunker mentality.
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Last week’s prison hearing in Eagle Mountain had a touch of magic to it. More people showed up than actually live in the city.
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The Obama administration continues its extradition fight for Ed Snowden, who is exiled in Russia and wanted on espionage charges for revealing things Congress and president now agree changed the country for the better. I hope they can give him what he deserves soon.
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Snowden is like the friend who tells you your girlfriend is secretly gathering information so she can dump you. You have mixed feelings. You’re not sure whom to blame. Then you find out the girlfriend also is gathering information on German Chancellor Angela Merkel and millions of other people. Yeah, it’s just like that.
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Former Rhode Island governor Lincoln Chafee announced his candidacy for president last week. His brilliant campaign strategy is to promise to put the nation on the metric system. In political circles, this is known as measuring once, cutting twice.
This year, the national spelling bee produced two winners, Vanya Shivashankar and Gokul Venkatachalam. Both won mainly because they were not required to spell each other’s names.
---
One of the winning words was “scherenschnitte.” The other was “nunatak.” We use these every day in sentences, such as, “Don’t throw a ‘scherenschnitte’ near the convent or you’ll be in for a nunatak.”
---
This was the second year in a row the spelling bee ended with two winners. I don’t think they’re trying hard enough. If the judges exhaust the dictionary, they should start making the kids spell things with the Cyrillic alphabet.
---
A recent secret test of TSA agents nationwide found that they missed weapons and explosives 95 percent of the time. Everyone focuses on the negatives. It turns out the TSA was pretty accurate at finding bottles containing more than 3 ounces of water being carried by 4-year-old children.
---
Given these results, the government should announce a new policy. From now on, just drive your car up to the airplane and jump on. What does it matter?
---
Forget about airports. The places that really need security are the hearing rooms where the Utah Prison Relocation Commission meets.
---
The commission might as well decide to build the prison on a community golf course. At least then, people would get teed off with more than one purpose in mind, and the commission could be excused for having a bunker mentality.
---
Last week’s prison hearing in Eagle Mountain had a touch of magic to it. More people showed up than actually live in the city.
---
The Obama administration continues its extradition fight for Ed Snowden, who is exiled in Russia and wanted on espionage charges for revealing things Congress and president now agree changed the country for the better. I hope they can give him what he deserves soon.
---
Snowden is like the friend who tells you your girlfriend is secretly gathering information so she can dump you. You have mixed feelings. You’re not sure whom to blame. Then you find out the girlfriend also is gathering information on German Chancellor Angela Merkel and millions of other people. Yeah, it’s just like that.
---
Former Rhode Island governor Lincoln Chafee announced his candidacy for president last week. His brilliant campaign strategy is to promise to put the nation on the metric system. In political circles, this is known as measuring once, cutting twice.
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