Jay Evensen
  • Front Page
  • Opinions
  • Second Thoughts
  • Portfolio
  • Awards
  • About

On Second Thought for June 8, 2015

6/5/2015

0 Comments

 
A lighthearted look at news of the day:

This year, the national spelling bee produced two winners, Vanya Shivashankar and Gokul Venkatachalam. Both won mainly because they were not required to spell each other’s names.
---
One of the winning words was “scherenschnitte.” The other was “nunatak.” We use these every day in sentences, such as, “Don’t throw a ‘scherenschnitte’ near the convent or you’ll be in for a nunatak.”
---
This was the second year in a row the spelling bee ended with two winners. I don’t think they’re trying hard enough. If the judges exhaust the dictionary, they should start making the kids spell things with the Cyrillic alphabet.
---
A recent secret test of TSA agents nationwide found that they missed weapons and explosives 95 percent of the time. Everyone focuses on the negatives. It turns out the TSA was pretty accurate at finding bottles containing more than 3 ounces of water being carried by 4-year-old children.
---
Given these results, the government should announce a new policy. From now on, just drive your car up to the airplane and jump on. What does it matter?
---
Forget about airports. The places that really need security are the hearing rooms where the Utah Prison Relocation Commission meets.
---
The commission might as well decide to build the prison on a community golf course. At least then, people would get teed off with more than one purpose in mind, and the commission could be excused for having a bunker mentality.
---
Last week’s prison hearing in Eagle Mountain had a touch of magic to it. More people showed up than actually live in the city.
---
The Obama administration continues its extradition fight for Ed Snowden, who is exiled in Russia and wanted on espionage charges for revealing things Congress and president now agree changed the country for the better. I hope they can give him what he deserves soon.
---
Snowden is like the friend who tells you your girlfriend is secretly gathering information so she can dump you. You have mixed feelings. You’re not sure whom to blame. Then you find out the girlfriend also is gathering information on German Chancellor Angela Merkel and millions of other people. Yeah, it’s just like that.
---
Former Rhode Island governor Lincoln Chafee announced his candidacy for president last week. His brilliant campaign strategy is to promise to put the nation on the metric system. In political circles, this is known as measuring once, cutting twice.

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    RSS Feed

    Ha! Ha! Ha!

    Everyone likes to laugh. Some of us even like to groan occasionally. Well, you've come to the right place. "On second thought" is a weekly feature I  produce for the Deseret News, available on Mondays. But here you can read them as I think of them.
      Oh yes, and if you've got something even funnier, post it in the comments. If I like it, I may use it.

    Archives

    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    March 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012

    Categories

    All
    Anthony Weiner
    Barack Obama
    Bcs
    Belarus
    Congress
    Donald Trump
    Fast And Furious
    Mitt Romney
    Nasa
    North Korea
    North Korea
    Olympics
    Politics
    Ron Paul
    Tea Party
    Utah
    Utah Legislature
    Venus


Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Photos used under Creative Commons from Gwydion M. Williams, PetroleumJelliffe, mike.benedetti, ScrippsBee, Images_of_Money