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On Second Thought for June 15, 2015

6/12/2015

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A lighthearted look at news of the day:

A federal court has ruled the U.S. Postal Service must roll back at least part of a postage rate increase that went into effect last year. Members of the millennial generation reacted by saying, “What is postage?”

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The court said the Postal Service could claim no more than $3 billion from its rate hike. Its losses, however, can continue without any limits.

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Dick Costolo has resigned as Twitter’s CEO. This is bad news, not so much because he is irreplaceable, but because it’s hard to pick a replacement from resumes that can be no more than 140 characters in length.

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Authorities in upstate New York were searching for two men who staged a brazen escape from a penitentiary. The worry was the escapees had signed up to run for president as Republicans. No one could ever find them in a crowd that big.

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Meanwhile, Democratic presidential hopeful Lincoln Chafee continued his campaign to get America converted to the metric system. Despite public apathy, he is refusing to budge a centimeter on the subject.

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It’s easy to poke fun at a politician who wants to change the way we measure things. But really, you shouldn’t judge him until you’ve walked a kilometer in his shoes.

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Chafee was the governor of Rhode Island, a state so small Donald Trump has promised, if elected, to carpet it.

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Trump, meanwhile, hasn’t officially decided whether to run, despite a petition urging him on, signed by every late-night talk show host and comedian in the land.

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Former president Bill Clinton, meanwhile, has said he’ll stop his practice of charging for speeches if Hillary is elected. Upon hearing this, a lot of Americans were persuaded to support her, until Bill clarified that he wasn’t going to stop speaking, just stop charging for it.

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Bill Clinton told reporters that Hillary is the “rock” of his family and that he has trusted her with his life, “on more than one occasion.” Americans can probably think of at least one occasion in which he wondered if the “rock” would came flying at his head.

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President Obama learned last week that the only fast track he has in his future is the fast track to lame duck irrelevancy.

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