A lighthearted look at news of the day:
Apparently, investigators and district attorneys in Utah took advantage of a bulk rate on attorneys general at the jail last week.
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It was a bogo offer — book one, get one free.
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Utahns now can look forward to attorneys battling attorneys over the future of attorneys. If the trials take place in winter, there will be enough hot air to knock out inversions and keep everyone warm.
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Three of the 18 remaining contestants on So You Think You Can Dance are from Utah. Surprisingly, none of them is a politician.
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So you think you can dance? St. Louis pitcher Adam Wainwright apparently does. In last week’s baseball All-Star game he said he intentionally threw easy-to-hit pitches toward Yankee star Derek Jeter in the first inning. Then, when social media went ballistic, he said he had just been joking. Adam should know better. In America, sports are no joking matter.
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Politics is, however. Last week, Hillary Clinton went on The Daily Show to joke with John Stewart about possibly running for the most powerful political office in the world. If elected, however, she would have to get more serious, confining herself to promoting policy decisions on shows like, “Between Two Ferns.”
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A major wildfire in Oregon was started on an illegal marijuana farm. Who says the stuff isn’t dangerous?
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Many people have been forced to evacuate because of the fire. Downwind, however, many others have the giggles and do nothing but eat cookies all day.
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Former President Bill Clinton should be called to Oregon to teach everyone how to survive without inhaling.
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Germany, still angry at the United States for spying, is considering using manual typewriters for top-secret communications. Don’t be surprised to learn Ed Snowden owns stock in Underwood.
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Manual typewriters? Ebay must be all atwitter. And the white out industry just upped its projected annual earnings.
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If the German government is serious about all this, I know a bunch of boy scouts who could teach them about disappearing ink and secret codes.
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A British company has created a new super vegetable by crossing kale with Brussels sprouts. The result, known as kalette, won the approval of a focus group consisting of people who like torturing children at suppertime.
Apparently, investigators and district attorneys in Utah took advantage of a bulk rate on attorneys general at the jail last week.
---
It was a bogo offer — book one, get one free.
---
Utahns now can look forward to attorneys battling attorneys over the future of attorneys. If the trials take place in winter, there will be enough hot air to knock out inversions and keep everyone warm.
---
Three of the 18 remaining contestants on So You Think You Can Dance are from Utah. Surprisingly, none of them is a politician.
---
So you think you can dance? St. Louis pitcher Adam Wainwright apparently does. In last week’s baseball All-Star game he said he intentionally threw easy-to-hit pitches toward Yankee star Derek Jeter in the first inning. Then, when social media went ballistic, he said he had just been joking. Adam should know better. In America, sports are no joking matter.
---
Politics is, however. Last week, Hillary Clinton went on The Daily Show to joke with John Stewart about possibly running for the most powerful political office in the world. If elected, however, she would have to get more serious, confining herself to promoting policy decisions on shows like, “Between Two Ferns.”
---
A major wildfire in Oregon was started on an illegal marijuana farm. Who says the stuff isn’t dangerous?
---
Many people have been forced to evacuate because of the fire. Downwind, however, many others have the giggles and do nothing but eat cookies all day.
---
Former President Bill Clinton should be called to Oregon to teach everyone how to survive without inhaling.
---
Germany, still angry at the United States for spying, is considering using manual typewriters for top-secret communications. Don’t be surprised to learn Ed Snowden owns stock in Underwood.
---
Manual typewriters? Ebay must be all atwitter. And the white out industry just upped its projected annual earnings.
---
If the German government is serious about all this, I know a bunch of boy scouts who could teach them about disappearing ink and secret codes.
---
A British company has created a new super vegetable by crossing kale with Brussels sprouts. The result, known as kalette, won the approval of a focus group consisting of people who like torturing children at suppertime.
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