A lighthearted look at news of the day
The presidential campaigns took an unusual turn last week. Hillary Clinton seems to have changed her slogan to, “Not a criminal, just extremely careless.” Donald Trump has a new slogan, too: “Ready to kill terrorists just like that great guy Saddam Hussein.”
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An FBI report on Clinton said 110 classified emails passed through her server, which was slightly above the zero she had previously identified. This, however, isn’t necessarily fatal to her presidential campaign. She may be elected. She just won’t be told any state secrets.
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The report referred to Hillary’s use of a private email server as “extremely careless.” It was so bad her husband reportedly said, “Hey, even I didn’t do anything that crazy.”
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Trump said Iraq has become a Harvard for terrorists. You didn’t know it was that difficult to get into Iraq, did you?
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Trump praised Saddam Hussein for being “so good” at killing terrorist. Yes, but was he powerful enough to keep all Republican delegates bound on the first nomination ballot?
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In the interest of time, House Speaker Paul Ryan may want to hire a full-time aide whose job it is to announce daily that he disagrees with something Trump said, thinks he is outrageous, but that no, Ryan hasn’t changed his mind about endorsing the Republican frontrunner.
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NASA’s unmanned Juno spacecraft has reached the planet Jupiter. That’s a planet believed to consist mostly of gas, making it somewhat indistinguishable from the upcoming Democratic and Republican political conventions.
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Jupiter is the planet no one wants to sit next to in a movie theater.
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Jupiter has 67 moons. That’s why watches with moon phases are so expensive there.
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Sixty-seven moons, and no, they’re not inhabitable, just in case you’re planning for life after the election.
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According to a new survey by Public Policy Polling, 13 percent of Americans would rather have a giant meteor crash into earth, wiping out all life, than see either Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump elected this fall. Another 7 percent remained undecided. Not surprisingly, the mythical meteor now has a Twitter account and is seeking endorsements.
The presidential campaigns took an unusual turn last week. Hillary Clinton seems to have changed her slogan to, “Not a criminal, just extremely careless.” Donald Trump has a new slogan, too: “Ready to kill terrorists just like that great guy Saddam Hussein.”
---
An FBI report on Clinton said 110 classified emails passed through her server, which was slightly above the zero she had previously identified. This, however, isn’t necessarily fatal to her presidential campaign. She may be elected. She just won’t be told any state secrets.
---
The report referred to Hillary’s use of a private email server as “extremely careless.” It was so bad her husband reportedly said, “Hey, even I didn’t do anything that crazy.”
---
Trump said Iraq has become a Harvard for terrorists. You didn’t know it was that difficult to get into Iraq, did you?
---
Trump praised Saddam Hussein for being “so good” at killing terrorist. Yes, but was he powerful enough to keep all Republican delegates bound on the first nomination ballot?
---
In the interest of time, House Speaker Paul Ryan may want to hire a full-time aide whose job it is to announce daily that he disagrees with something Trump said, thinks he is outrageous, but that no, Ryan hasn’t changed his mind about endorsing the Republican frontrunner.
---
NASA’s unmanned Juno spacecraft has reached the planet Jupiter. That’s a planet believed to consist mostly of gas, making it somewhat indistinguishable from the upcoming Democratic and Republican political conventions.
---
Jupiter is the planet no one wants to sit next to in a movie theater.
---
Jupiter has 67 moons. That’s why watches with moon phases are so expensive there.
---
Sixty-seven moons, and no, they’re not inhabitable, just in case you’re planning for life after the election.
---
According to a new survey by Public Policy Polling, 13 percent of Americans would rather have a giant meteor crash into earth, wiping out all life, than see either Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump elected this fall. Another 7 percent remained undecided. Not surprisingly, the mythical meteor now has a Twitter account and is seeking endorsements.
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