A lighthearted look at news of the day
Maybe a president doesn't have much influence on the rest of society, but I'll tell you this much: The next family reunion I organize will attract thousands of people, and I don't care what anyone's lying camera might pretend to show otherwise.
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President Trump said, “The forgotten men and women of our country will be forgotten no longer.” That's nice, but what about the rest of us "forgetting" men and women. After all, we have real clou … wait, what were we talking about again?
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From now on, the EPA will stand for the Extra Paranoid Agency.
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Trump has shut down all traditional and social media contact with the EPA, and he wants his political staff to review all scientific studies, especially those dealing with climate change. The next step? To demonstrate global warming isn't real, all EPA employees may be required to wear sweaters during summer months.
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Trump strategist Steve Bannon said last week the media should "keep its mouth shut." That's like telling the wind to stop blowing when your boss happens to own the biggest oscillating fan on earth.
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Last week, an alternate NASA account began tweeting that it had "real facts" to counter the president. This isn't good. If James Bond taught us anything, it is that you never want to have a rogue space program.
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Utah lawmakers this year will have to figure out how to add hundreds of millions of dollars to education without raising taxes. This is where mediocre math scores come in handy.
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Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto canceled a trip to Washington last week. Apparently, President Trump forgot to include a door in that border wall.
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Trump wants to add a 20 percent tax on everything the United States imports from Mexico. Trade wars can be nasty. Someone needs to stop this before we start getting charged for the chips and salsa we get before we order dinner.
Maybe a president doesn't have much influence on the rest of society, but I'll tell you this much: The next family reunion I organize will attract thousands of people, and I don't care what anyone's lying camera might pretend to show otherwise.
---
President Trump said, “The forgotten men and women of our country will be forgotten no longer.” That's nice, but what about the rest of us "forgetting" men and women. After all, we have real clou … wait, what were we talking about again?
---
From now on, the EPA will stand for the Extra Paranoid Agency.
---
Trump has shut down all traditional and social media contact with the EPA, and he wants his political staff to review all scientific studies, especially those dealing with climate change. The next step? To demonstrate global warming isn't real, all EPA employees may be required to wear sweaters during summer months.
---
Trump strategist Steve Bannon said last week the media should "keep its mouth shut." That's like telling the wind to stop blowing when your boss happens to own the biggest oscillating fan on earth.
---
Last week, an alternate NASA account began tweeting that it had "real facts" to counter the president. This isn't good. If James Bond taught us anything, it is that you never want to have a rogue space program.
---
Utah lawmakers this year will have to figure out how to add hundreds of millions of dollars to education without raising taxes. This is where mediocre math scores come in handy.
---
Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto canceled a trip to Washington last week. Apparently, President Trump forgot to include a door in that border wall.
---
Trump wants to add a 20 percent tax on everything the United States imports from Mexico. Trade wars can be nasty. Someone needs to stop this before we start getting charged for the chips and salsa we get before we order dinner.
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