Jay Evensen
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On Second Thought for April 28, 2014

4/25/2014

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A lighthearted look at news of the day:

CNN reported that the Democratic Party has a short list of cities it is considering for its 2016 national convention. Salt Lake City is one of them. There are some hurdles to cross before this can happen, however. For one thing, Utah would have to officially recognize the party.

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After an initial splash at the box office, the much-hyped “Noah” movie seems to have drowned in a flood of indifference. It’s not even clear whether the movie will last in theaters for 40 days and 40 nights.

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Strip away all the arguments about Biblical accuracy and “Noah” is just another film with animated rocks.

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Southern Nevada’s Cliven Bundy had something going there for a while with his “take back the land” crusade against the BLM — until everyone realized he wanted to take it back to before the Civil War.

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Bundy said black people were better off picking cotton as slaves than they are today. Now we have a new Olympic event — the political sprint away from Bundy. The current record holder appears to be Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, followed closely by Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul.

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Everyone thought Cliven Bundy was from Bunkerville, Nev. Turns out he’s really from Archie Bunker-ville.

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Last week a teenager flew from San Jose to Hawaii in the wheel well of an airliner. Not only was he arrested for this, the airline is refusing to let him count the trip as frequent flyer miles.

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Experts say it is a miracle the 16-year-old stowaway survived the thin atmosphere at 38,000 feet and temperatures that would have been about 80 degrees below zero. They think his body may have gone into a state of suspended animation. That’s good news for him, but bad news for the rest of us as airlines begin to consider new ways to offer discounted fares.

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You think flying is rough today. Wait until you long to be “upgraded” to the baggage compartment.

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Jeffrey Wade Chapman is about to go on trial in Kansas on charges he killed another man. But first, he has petitioned the court to allow him to remove a tattoo from his throat. The tattoo says, “Murder.” What an embarrassing coincidence.

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Here’s some advice. If you have “Murder” tattooed on your throat, you might want to think about committing a different sort of crime.

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"On Second Thought" for Sept. 3, 2012

8/28/2012

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  • The Republican National Convention got off to a rocky start when delegates drew lots to see who would break it to Ron Paul that he was not the nominee.
  • It suddenly dawned on Paul's supporters that this is why they hadn't heard his name in the media in several months.
  • As the convention approved a rule requiring delegates to support the candidate who won their state's preference poll or primary, Ron Paul supporters vowed to stay home rather than vote for Mitt Romney. No word yet on whether they will join the Democrats, a party that would never nominate Romney.
  • Paul Ryan, the Republican candidate for vice president, voted in favor of the TARP bailout at the start of the recession. Somewhere, former Utah Sen. Bob Bennett is still looking for the license plate number of the truck that hit him in 2010.
  • The makers of "World of Warcraft" say players from Iran are being blocked out because of U.S. sanctions. I thought it was because Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was starting to take the game too seriously.
  • More than 400 earthquakes have been reported in Imperial County, California since Aug. 25. In the city of Brawley, the only people walking a straight line are the drunks.
  • Ronald Reagan had it wrong, the most terrifying words in the English language really are, "I'm from Hollywood and I'm here to help with your acceptance speech."
  • Note to future Republican presidential nominee: Beware of any movie star who says, "What your family friendly campaign needs is for me to get on stage and pretend the president is saying vulgar and obscene things."
  • As an opening act Thursday night, Clint Eastwood did for the Republican Party what Michael Jordan did for baseball, or what Greece has done to austerity.
  • At least it gave new meaning to the term, "Yielding to the chair."
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Second Thoughts for June 11, 2012

6/12/2012

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  • First we had a solar eclipse, then Venus crossed the face of the sun, which won't be seen again for 105 years. With all this fun in the heavens, by the time the world ends on Dec. 21 it will seem sort of anti-climactic.
  • Of course, this being an election year, politicians had to be careful to not get their special sun-gazing glasses mixed up with their rose-colored glasses.
  • The next time Venus crosses between us and the sun will be 2117. So, in other words, this happens about as often as the Senate passes a budget.
  • Former Utah state Rep. Carl Wimmer thought he had a political job lined up in Las Vegas last week. But it turns out not all emails from "rich" guys in Nigeria are legitimate.
  • Nevada's GOP seems hopelessly divided between Ron Paul supporters and people willing to concede that the mother-ship probably isn't coming to save them from Mitt Romney in time for the convention.
  • What's with all the Obama supporters who suddenly feel compelled to tell the truth? Bill Clinton went on CNBC recently and said Congress will likely have to extend all the Bush-era tax cuts. Then a little while later he went on CNN to say he was "very sorry" and that he had misunderstood. It would have been more believable if his thumbs weren't in casts.
  • This comes after Newark's Democratic mayor, a former chair of the Democratic National Committee and Obama's former car czar each made comments about how the president's attacks on Mitt Romney's record at Bain Capital were misleading and unfair. They, too, beat hasty retreats. We've all had that experience. You know, you accidentally say something like, "Nice day, isn't it?" when what you really meant to say was, "Mitt Romney is a jerk!"
  • Miss Pennsylvania, Sheena Monnin, now claims the Miss USA pageant was rigged, mainly because she didn't win.
  • Monnin was so certain the pageant was rigged that she decided to wait until she knew it wasn't rigged in her favor before dropping out.
  • Pageant owner Donald Trump, ever the gentleman, told Good Morning America it was obvious why Monnin lost. "If you look at her ... you'd understand why she's not in the top 15." If looks equated to success, Trump may well have been fired a long time ago.
  • Trump's next move? He's expected to cast doubt on whether Monnin was really born in Pennsylvania. Nevada's Republican Party will conduct the investigation.
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    Everyone likes to laugh. Some of us even like to groan occasionally. Well, you've come to the right place. "On second thought" is a weekly feature I  produce for the Deseret News, available on Mondays. But here you can read them as I think of them.
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