A lighthearted look at news of the day:
President Obama wants you to know he’s not an emperor, and he’ll order the imprisonment of anyone who disagrees.
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Texas Sen. Ted Cruz compared Obama’s executive order on immigration last week to the second Catilinarian conspiracy against ancient Rome by Lucius Sergius Catilina. Yes, this is exactly what most American voters are thinking, too.
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Oh that Ted Cruz! He’ll do anything to pander to the history Ph.D. vote.
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Obama’s action will keep up to 5 million undocumented immigrants from being deported. However, he did nothing to prevent Californians from deporting the 1-10 Oakland Raiders.
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After making the politically risky announcement, the president headed to Las Vegas, where he reportedly put the national debt on 25 red, just because he was feeling lucky.
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Senate Democrats, meanwhile, decided last week to reject the Keystone Pipeline, pretty much ensuring that the only thing to go down a pipe will be the political career of fellow Democratic Sen. Mary Landrieu of Louisiana.
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Sen. Landrieu, locked in a runoff election against a popular Republican in an oil-rich state, may want to become a Raiders fan. That team may lose, but at least its players still try to block for each other.
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Melissa Burton of California didn’t like her daughter’s boyfriend a few years ago. “He just wasn’t someone our family approved of,” she said. Like any good parent, she probably thought it couldn’t get worse, until her daughter announced her engagement to Charles Manson.
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Manson, the 80-year-old notorious mass-murderer with a swastika carved into his forehead, had little to say about the upcoming wedding. It goes without saying he’s captivated.
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A man in Southern California stabbed his potential employer during a job interview last week. At least now he has an answer for what his biggest weakness is.
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To be fair, the suspect apparently didn’t think he would get the job, but word has it people in the office told him to take a stab at it.
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You know what’s really stupid? Relying on the “stupidity of the American voter” to get Obamacare passed and then telling American voters about it.
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A legislative committee supports bringing back the firing squad as a method for executing prisoners in Utah, apparently believing the state hasn’t had enough people make fun of it lately.
President Obama wants you to know he’s not an emperor, and he’ll order the imprisonment of anyone who disagrees.
---
Texas Sen. Ted Cruz compared Obama’s executive order on immigration last week to the second Catilinarian conspiracy against ancient Rome by Lucius Sergius Catilina. Yes, this is exactly what most American voters are thinking, too.
---
Oh that Ted Cruz! He’ll do anything to pander to the history Ph.D. vote.
---
Obama’s action will keep up to 5 million undocumented immigrants from being deported. However, he did nothing to prevent Californians from deporting the 1-10 Oakland Raiders.
---
After making the politically risky announcement, the president headed to Las Vegas, where he reportedly put the national debt on 25 red, just because he was feeling lucky.
---
Senate Democrats, meanwhile, decided last week to reject the Keystone Pipeline, pretty much ensuring that the only thing to go down a pipe will be the political career of fellow Democratic Sen. Mary Landrieu of Louisiana.
---
Sen. Landrieu, locked in a runoff election against a popular Republican in an oil-rich state, may want to become a Raiders fan. That team may lose, but at least its players still try to block for each other.
---
Melissa Burton of California didn’t like her daughter’s boyfriend a few years ago. “He just wasn’t someone our family approved of,” she said. Like any good parent, she probably thought it couldn’t get worse, until her daughter announced her engagement to Charles Manson.
---
Manson, the 80-year-old notorious mass-murderer with a swastika carved into his forehead, had little to say about the upcoming wedding. It goes without saying he’s captivated.
---
A man in Southern California stabbed his potential employer during a job interview last week. At least now he has an answer for what his biggest weakness is.
---
To be fair, the suspect apparently didn’t think he would get the job, but word has it people in the office told him to take a stab at it.
---
You know what’s really stupid? Relying on the “stupidity of the American voter” to get Obamacare passed and then telling American voters about it.
---
A legislative committee supports bringing back the firing squad as a method for executing prisoners in Utah, apparently believing the state hasn’t had enough people make fun of it lately.
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