A lighthearted look at news of the day
The contest to become the next secretary of state continues. Apparently, the dinner-wear and interview phases are over. Next up are the talent and swimsuit competitions.
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Mitt Romney ought to have the inside track. At least, after stepping into the ring last year against Evander Holyfield he has shown himself no less qualified than the new nominee to lead the Small Business Administration, who was the head of World Wrestling Entertainment.
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However, former Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr. may have won the talent competition, doing his entire performance in Mandarin.
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Mike Jagger’s girlfriend just gave birth to a baby boy, the 73-year-old rocker’s eighth child. By the time the lad will be old enough to beg Dad to play catch, chances are he will lament that, “I can’t get no satisfaction.”
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Actually, Jagger may be able to play catch in his 80s, but he’ll probably first have to ask his son to, “Start me up!”
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For the first time in decades, life expectancy in the United States fell last year, by about a month. Apparently, the presidential campaign season was even worse than we thought.
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Medical experts say life expectancy may have reached its limits in the U.S. unless we start losing weight. Again with the weight? How are we supposed to do this in a nation where the most innovative recent scientific breakthrough was the creation of a fast-food burger that combines hamburger meat with a hot dog and a pile of potato chips, all on the same bun?
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The Lego company has announced it will hire a new CEO next year. As many of us learned in our youth, it’s important to find a good fit.
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The good thing about being the CEO of Lego is that you never really get fired. You just get tossed back into the box and made into something else later.
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United Airlines has announced it will begin a no-frills discount fare. Some critics are lamenting that extra charges will be applied for use of an overhead bin. That’s nothing. Wait until they see how much it costs to use a drop-down oxygen mask in the event of an emergency.
The contest to become the next secretary of state continues. Apparently, the dinner-wear and interview phases are over. Next up are the talent and swimsuit competitions.
---
Mitt Romney ought to have the inside track. At least, after stepping into the ring last year against Evander Holyfield he has shown himself no less qualified than the new nominee to lead the Small Business Administration, who was the head of World Wrestling Entertainment.
---
However, former Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr. may have won the talent competition, doing his entire performance in Mandarin.
---
Mike Jagger’s girlfriend just gave birth to a baby boy, the 73-year-old rocker’s eighth child. By the time the lad will be old enough to beg Dad to play catch, chances are he will lament that, “I can’t get no satisfaction.”
---
Actually, Jagger may be able to play catch in his 80s, but he’ll probably first have to ask his son to, “Start me up!”
---
For the first time in decades, life expectancy in the United States fell last year, by about a month. Apparently, the presidential campaign season was even worse than we thought.
---
Medical experts say life expectancy may have reached its limits in the U.S. unless we start losing weight. Again with the weight? How are we supposed to do this in a nation where the most innovative recent scientific breakthrough was the creation of a fast-food burger that combines hamburger meat with a hot dog and a pile of potato chips, all on the same bun?
---
The Lego company has announced it will hire a new CEO next year. As many of us learned in our youth, it’s important to find a good fit.
---
The good thing about being the CEO of Lego is that you never really get fired. You just get tossed back into the box and made into something else later.
---
United Airlines has announced it will begin a no-frills discount fare. Some critics are lamenting that extra charges will be applied for use of an overhead bin. That’s nothing. Wait until they see how much it costs to use a drop-down oxygen mask in the event of an emergency.
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