Want a cure for the anger and finger-pointing that made you curl up behind a locked door binging Hallmark movies during the recent election season?
I’ve got the answer. It has to do with the dinner table at Thanksgiving.
Well, symbolically, at least. I’m not suggesting your sister-in-law’s green bean casserole holds the key to world peace, although the one mine brings each year could certainly get warring factions to sit down and smile at each other for a while.
I’ve got the answer. It has to do with the dinner table at Thanksgiving.
Well, symbolically, at least. I’m not suggesting your sister-in-law’s green bean casserole holds the key to world peace, although the one mine brings each year could certainly get warring factions to sit down and smile at each other for a while.
And no, a second helping of pie and ice cream isn’t going to make you any happier, at least not in the long run. Don’t confuse calories with good feelings. There may be a causal relationship there, but in my experience those feelings tend to melt quickly into guilt.
No, the answer has to do with the simple act of expressing gratitude, which so many people, either willingly or under peer pressure, force themselves to do this time of year.
Seriously, it can change the world. It is one of the most powerful and effective tools any of us can choose to use to enhance our own health and that of those around us.
The evidence is convincing. Mentalhealth.org describes how anger affects the body this way:
“Long term and intense anger has been linked with mental health problems including depression, anxiety and self-harm,” its website says. “It is also linked to poorer overall physical health as well as particular conditions from high blood pressure, colds and flu to coronary heart disease, stroke, cancer and gastro-intestinal problems.”
That’s quite a litany of horrible things. To make matters worse, it’s hard to get someone in this condition to change because, “people experiencing difficulties with anger often fail to identify their anger or see it as a problem,” the website said. “They rarely seek support and may be more likely to see other people as the problem.”
If you’re deriving any pleasure from imagining these ills befalling the people you love to hate, you may be in this group. Gratitude has to be sincere in order to work. But when it is, the effects are amazing.
The Mayo Clinic website lists some of these: “Studies have shown that feeling thankful can improve sleep, mood and immunity. Gratitude can decrease depression, anxiety, difficulties with chronic pain and risk of disease.”
It goes on to say, “If a pill could do this, everyone would be taking it.”
Only if insurance would cover it, of course. But there I go again. You can’t carp and be grateful at the same time, just as you can’t have all those good and bad side effects at once.
One of the beauties of gratitude is that it thrives despite the imperfections in people and institutions around us. It seeks out the good and intensifies it. Grateful people aren’t ignorant of bad things. They purposely choose to see the good.
Harvard Health Publishing has described this in terms that sound very close to a religious experience.
“With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives,” an essay on its website said. “In the process, people usually recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside themselves. As a result, being grateful also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals — whether to other people, nature, or a higher power.”
The Harvard piece goes on to say, “In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”
It also can be infectious, which may help if you encounter some people around your table who seem only grudgingly grateful.
They may not be willing to go along with the spirit of the day, but the good news is that studies show gratitude is a quality that can be cultivated. Even the hardest of hearts can change. It just takes a little work and desire.
As the Mayo Clinic puts it: “Your brain is designed to problem-solve rather than appreciate. You often must override this design to reap the benefits of gratitude.”
The bad news is none of this will work if it’s practiced only at one meal every year. But if everyone who sits down to a feast on Thanksgiving would make gratitude a regular part of their life, the next election season would look much different, indeed.
No, the answer has to do with the simple act of expressing gratitude, which so many people, either willingly or under peer pressure, force themselves to do this time of year.
Seriously, it can change the world. It is one of the most powerful and effective tools any of us can choose to use to enhance our own health and that of those around us.
The evidence is convincing. Mentalhealth.org describes how anger affects the body this way:
“Long term and intense anger has been linked with mental health problems including depression, anxiety and self-harm,” its website says. “It is also linked to poorer overall physical health as well as particular conditions from high blood pressure, colds and flu to coronary heart disease, stroke, cancer and gastro-intestinal problems.”
That’s quite a litany of horrible things. To make matters worse, it’s hard to get someone in this condition to change because, “people experiencing difficulties with anger often fail to identify their anger or see it as a problem,” the website said. “They rarely seek support and may be more likely to see other people as the problem.”
If you’re deriving any pleasure from imagining these ills befalling the people you love to hate, you may be in this group. Gratitude has to be sincere in order to work. But when it is, the effects are amazing.
The Mayo Clinic website lists some of these: “Studies have shown that feeling thankful can improve sleep, mood and immunity. Gratitude can decrease depression, anxiety, difficulties with chronic pain and risk of disease.”
It goes on to say, “If a pill could do this, everyone would be taking it.”
Only if insurance would cover it, of course. But there I go again. You can’t carp and be grateful at the same time, just as you can’t have all those good and bad side effects at once.
One of the beauties of gratitude is that it thrives despite the imperfections in people and institutions around us. It seeks out the good and intensifies it. Grateful people aren’t ignorant of bad things. They purposely choose to see the good.
Harvard Health Publishing has described this in terms that sound very close to a religious experience.
“With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives,” an essay on its website said. “In the process, people usually recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside themselves. As a result, being grateful also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals — whether to other people, nature, or a higher power.”
The Harvard piece goes on to say, “In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”
It also can be infectious, which may help if you encounter some people around your table who seem only grudgingly grateful.
They may not be willing to go along with the spirit of the day, but the good news is that studies show gratitude is a quality that can be cultivated. Even the hardest of hearts can change. It just takes a little work and desire.
As the Mayo Clinic puts it: “Your brain is designed to problem-solve rather than appreciate. You often must override this design to reap the benefits of gratitude.”
The bad news is none of this will work if it’s practiced only at one meal every year. But if everyone who sits down to a feast on Thanksgiving would make gratitude a regular part of their life, the next election season would look much different, indeed.
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